As I finished reading M T Vasudevan Nair's Kaalam yet again, I wondered: Will I ever get tired of this book? I don't think I will. The first time I read it was as a girl of 11 or so. Then I didn't understand the agony that Sethu the protagonist went through. I also did not understand the meaning of the now-so-famous words that Sumitra uttered, "Sethu, you loved only one person, and that was yourself!" Kaalam was my first taste of MT. There was no stopping me after that. As I grew up, I read all that he had written. I also re-read Kaalam many times over, in the process understanding Sethu, his attitude to life, and life as a whole itself. Having grown up in a nuclear family, I came to know about the joint family system and matriarchal society of Kerala only from his books. Initially, I couldn't understand why Appu and his mother lived with his uncles and not his father. I still remember the story of Appu (a biographical character of MT himself), a small boy who craved rice for his birthday present. On all other days, Appu had only kanji [rice gruel]; he didn't want any other present on his birthday than rice. There was no rice at home and finally when his mother could borrow rice from a neighbour's house, and cook, Appu had gone to sleep hungry, exhausted and hurt. By the time I finished reading the story, tears welled in my eyes. I do not know for how many days the image of the hungry, sleeping little boy haunted me. As a teenager, I just adored MT. He was my idol. When many of my friends idolised Sunil Gavaskar and Kamal Haasan, MT was my hero. Of course, Gavaskar and Kamal Hassan were my heroes too, but none could take the place of MT. I know, it was unconventional to idolise a dark, short, average-looking man. But then, who cared about his looks? It was the forcefully intense words that he wrote, it was the exceptionally unique characters that he created, it was the sad, romantic situations that he fashioned that made MT my hero. It was my passion in those days to learn many of the sentences that he had penned, by heart. As years passed by, more and more books and more and more unforgettable characters came from MT's pen. It was amazing to observe the way the writer and his outlook on people and society changed over the years. From a sad young boy to an angry, disillusioned young man to a fun-loving old man, it was an incredible journey that he undertook. Till four years ago, I had not met or felt the necessity to meet MT. Maybe because MT the person never existed for me; it was only MT the writer and the words he had written that had me in a thrall. And then, rather unexpectedly, the opportunity came. The Kerala Samajam in Madras decided to organise a function to felicitate MT when he won the Gnanpeeth award. Several people were invited to talk at the function and I was one of them. I was invited only because I wrote short stories in Malayalam, and I had won a "small award" for my book that year. When the invitation came, I do not know whether I was thrilled or excited or nervous. The moment I reached the hall, I saw MT from far but could not bring myself to go and introduce myself. I stood there awkwardly. Soon, there I was sitting on the dais with my hero and I was very, very nervous. I was not nervous because I had to make a speech; I was nervous because I had to make a speech in front of my hero. When my turn came to speak, I admitted frankly that he was my childhood hero and it was for the first time in my life that I was meeting him and I was nervous! I am sure people were amused to hear me talk like a "teenager who had a crush on MT". Who cared? After the function, I did not remain there to talk to him. I just disappeared. The chance to have a one-to-one conversation came only when I decided to interview him. What an experience it was! It is a tough task interviewing your hero but I did it to "my satisfaction". I had heard earlier that MT was an introvert and not very friendly to strangers. Indeed he was. He did give me elaborate answers to all my questions, but nothing beyond that. He did not ask me anything, and I also did not dare ask him anything other than the questions though I wanted to continue talking to him eternally. But it turned out to be just a professional meeting. Was I disappointed? I don't know. Shobha Warrier is the author of Jaalavidya, a collection of Malayalam short stories. Illustration: Uttam Ghosh Tell us what you think of this diary
HOME | NEWS | CRICKET | MONEY | SPORTS | MOVIES | CHAT | BROADBAND | TRAVEL ASTROLOGY | NEWSLINKS | BOOK SHOP | MUSIC SHOP | GIFT SHOP | HOTEL BOOKINGS AIR/RAIL | WEDDING | ROMANCE | WEATHER | WOMEN | E-CARDS | SEARCH HOMEPAGES | FREE MESSENGER | FREE EMAIL | CONTESTS | FEEDBACK