Ultimately, I don't think what happened to Vasant was anything that shouldn't have happened. It was his destiny. I know friends of his who have survived after taking a bullet through their stomach; through their chest, one through his brain. So there is no way he should have died with a bullet through his waist. That is destiny; his time was up, he had done what he was put here to do, and so he went.
I am not religious, not one bit, but I am very spiritual. And so was he. He would always say whatever happens in life is for a purpose, whoever you meet, it doesn't happen by chance. That was one of the things we both agreed on, we both believed that Life was a trip, we are on it, and we will see where it takes us, but the destination and everything that happens on the way is preordained.
The army is very supportive. Definitely, yes -- I have said this in many places, at any forum that has come up with this question. I will also add this, there will be people who contradict what I am saying, but in my view it depends on the rapport you as an individual build with the organisation. The organisation will stand by you even if you are a bitter, cribbing, lamenting woman -- it in fact expects that you will react in that fashion to tragedy.
But when this happened, I cannot hold the army responsible for what happened to me. That is what a lot of people do -- bloody army, killed my husband, they say. Arre, what can the army do? He joined the army, he was doing his job, if something happened to him, it is destiny, right? If a woman starts cursing the organisation, why would it want to go the extra mile for her? They will probably do the basics, maybe initially they will be patient and let her vent, but then they will walk off and I think that is fair enough.
The army is very much there for me. I just have to make a call, say I have to talk to someone about whatever it is, and it is done. In fact, Vasant's colleagues have been calling me so often, they talk to me, but I am on a different trip. I am like, I take it at my own pace.
For me, it has been very simple in a way because I have accepted it so completely. A lot of people mistake that, too, they say oh you married an army guy, you must have known it all along. That is rubbish. You don't think that just because he is in the army he is going to die -- why, he could have been working in an office here, and could have died in a road accident. How can you be sure your husband who has gone to work will return to you tonight? If you want to be on pins, you can be on pins forever.
Image: Colonel Venugopal in his office in Uri just weeks before his death. Photograph: Courtesy Subhashini Vasant
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