That is another thing. Even in the army, a lot of people are focused on their personal careers and where it is going -- but he was one man who never thought of such things, never seemed interested enough to discuss such things. It was always the organisation. There were times, frankly, when this would bug me. How, I would ask him, can you not think about your own career? All I would get by way of response was a shrug, or a comment that there were more important things to think about.

Being an army wife can be tough. He was part of the Kargil operation, on the Line of Control at Poonch, and at the time, I was pregnant with my second girl. I remember him calling to say he was injured, and at first I panicked, I thought it was serious, but it turned out to be okay, not so serious after all.

He came home to recuperate, with just a month left for his tour of duty there, and he would grumble about how "inconvenient" the injury was, how it had forced him to leave his men behind in danger. Frankly, I was glad -- for me it meant I got to see him one month earlier, at a time when I was pregnant.

He was one obsessed guy, his dedication was something else -- beyond his children, beyond me, beyond even himself. That was one bitter pill I had to swallow. I had to always acknowledge the fact that his job came first, I was like his mistress. But whenever I cribbed about this, he would say yeah, but being a mistress is fun, isn't it, and I had to laugh, I mean what else could I do? That is how he was.

You know how sometimes we look at someone who is good at what he does and wonder what else he could have been, and done? In Vasant's case, there is no point in thinking of that -- he was army through and through, I can't visualise him doing anything else.

I used to think, if he ever got out of the army and wanted to do something, he would be a failure. He was such a naïve, simple guy, I used to tell him people will cheat you left, right and centre. He is so seeda, so trusting of everyone. I don't think he had a business mind, I think he worked best in the army where you knew who your friends were and who your enemies were and whom to trust and whom not to.

In a sense that kind of person can be difficult to live with -- even when he was home, he could never switch off and relax, he would be fretting about what was happening with his battalion back there, thinking about the people he commanded, all of that stuff. But seriously, after all that happened, I have no regrets, I don't wish for a moment he was not quite so obsessed with his duty -- if he weren't that way, he wouldn't be the Vasant I knew and loved.

I am a Bharat Natyam dancer, I've been dancing since I was five. Vasant wasn't into the arts, not one bit. He would say he had two left feet -- his line to me was, 'You dance, I'll march.'

Even if I say this myself I am an accomplished dancer -– but I never wanted a career. I was very clear about that. In fact, that is one of the first things I told Vasant when we began seriously dating, I told him don't ever expect that I will 'double income' the family -- whatever I get through my dance is going to be for us to have fun with, to splurge.

And we truly lived like that -- whatever I earned, we had fun, we travelled, shopped, you know, mila aur udaa diya udhar hi. I guess if you have a good relationship, you don’t really worry about these things. And he was also very nice about that, I know a lot of guys -- especially today -- who insist their wives work. But what the hell, yaar, I was very happy with that 25,000 a month he used to earn, the usual fauji family...

I mean, you know what he was earning when we started out, got married? He was earning 3,000 bucks, in 1992, the year we were married. But that is the thing, we were bindaas, yaar, we never worried about money, and I still don't.

But I must say the army is not going to find many wives like me -- they need to seriously look at the salaries they pay their officers. Did you notice that recent news report, the latest batch at the IMA, they had only 80 students against the class strength of 250? What it tells you is that people are not looking at a career in the army, and what is happening is that the army is losing its officer-base.

It will have jawans, because they come from the villages, the small towns, and see a career in the army as a way to get out of poverty, as a means towards security. But the officer class is drawn from the more educated segment of society, and with all the options available today, who will consider the army as a career? Vasant had 18 years in the army when he died, he was very experienced, very well regarded, he was super qualified, he was commanding a battalion, in the army you are on call 24/7, no days off, no nothing, and at the very end, his take home salary was Rs 35,000 to Rs 40,000, actually -- which today is entry level salary in an IT firm.

He always wanted me to have a career -- not because he wanted me to earn and supplement his income, but for my own sake. He was very troubled by the fact that I was not on par with my peers in terms of fame, of getting dancing gigs. It didn't bother me because I was dancing for my own pleasure and not for what I could get out of it in terms of money and fame. My peers have become big names, but I was okay with that.

This bugged Vasant because he felt that I was dedicating my life to the kids, and to travelling to wherever he was posted to spend as much time together as possible, and in the process was neglecting my career. But I was very clear in my mind why I married him. I wanted to live with him, I wanted to have his children. You will see that a lot of dancers don't have kids, they worry about taking off those two years, losing their figures, whatever; I was always sure I wanted a family life as my first priority, and I am happy that professionally, I am still on par with my peers, even if I don't dance as often or have a name that is as well known.

Image: Subhashini Vasant teaching dance. Photograph courtesy: Subhashini Vasant

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