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Choli ke peeche

Thank you, David Lewis, for your words of wisdom. As a leading British psychologist, your findings on what shopping does to men should be widely publicised. You are quite right to conclude from your research that Christmas shopping can damage men's health. Stress levels in every man soar when he is confronted with crowded shops, long queues and gifts to choose from. "The peak stress levels were equivalent to emergency situations experienced by fighter pilots or policemen going into dangerous situations," you have pointed out.

Women all over the words should be made aware of these important conclusions so that they would not drag their husbands and other menfolk to shopping with them. What is Christmas, is Diwali to us. The festival of lights. Every housewife wants her husband to accompany her to sales, discounted offers in shops overflowing with humanity. Thank God, I am neither a fighter pilot nor a policeman tackling a dangerous situation, but as an unwilling accomplice to shopping expeditions, have experienced my blood pressure soar to dangerous levels.

You must be happy that British women do not wear sarees. Sarees need matching blouses. Shopping for matching blouse pieces is among the most hazardous and frustrating experiences. Women of course, enjoy the experience, but the unfortunate husbands who are forced to accompany them, end up swearing they will never again enter a shop. I have known conservative husbands explain they do not mind their wives switching over from sarees to mini skirts, provided it spared them the ordeal of going with them to shop for blouse pieces.

Over the years, I have gone along with my wife on these expeditions. Basically, I know only the seven colours feature in the rainbow. But when you go shopping for matching blouse pieces, you come to know that in one particular colour (say blue) there are 745 shades. Yet my wife always asks for the unavailable 746^th shade.

There are shops in Bombay which exclusively sell blouse pieces. Any sane man should keep out of these. In my case, since I regard myself as one of the most understanding husbands in the world, I occasionally venture out on these shopping outings. I wish shops selling matching blouse pieces displayed warnings which read: 'Males Keep Out' or 'No Entry for Males.' In the absence of such warnings, I have to enter the shops and witness scenes of total confusion.

The matching blouse pieces shops are always crowded. More so, before festivals like Diwali. They pack in dozens of women who carry sarees in their hands and go on comparing them with the bales of cloth for blouse pieces. The shop are littered from top to bottom with cloth bales of different colours. Fascinated, I once watched a woman asking for different shades of black to match a saree. She went through dozens of black coloured cloth bales and was still not satisfied. When the poor shop keeper in exasperation, asked her what colour was she looking for, she paused a bit and explained, "The blouse piece should be of the colour of an African elephant." I did not know if she succeeded in her quest for the elusive blouse piece.

Blue, green, black pink, orange, violet. The range of colours are endless. I never knew these different colours had so many different shades. Light blue, dark blue, medium blue, dark sky blue, light sky blue, sea blue, navy blue, indigo blue, Krishna (Lord Krishna was supposed to have a bluish complexion!) blue, ocean blue and so on. I read somewhere that Chinese textiles were produced only in six different colours and men and women had to make do with them. No wonder, the Chinese are now a major world power and streets ahead of India. They do not spend much of their lifetime, searching for ideal matching saree blouses.

I find women in these shops often carry cloth pieces outside and then return for more of the same. My wife explains, "You have to check the colours in sunlight. The shops only have tube-lights, which are deceptive. The colours have to match in the sunlight and that is why we have to take the material out of the shops." On crowded days, this coming in and going out, results in stampedes.

David Lewis saab, you must be familiar with the famous Churchill quote during the Second World War, 'Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.' This could be amended to describe the passion for matching blouse piece shopping. "Never in the field of festival shopping was so much sought after by so many for such a small item.' I am here referring to the size of the blouse pieces. It ranges between 80 cms to one metre. It could even be less in the case of women who want to display their curves. Yet to buy this 80 cms material, women go from shop to shop, dragging with them unwilling husbands and spend hours in the process.

Fashion trends are constantly changing. I fear the day when women will opt for blouse pieces with two different colours, one for the front and the other for the back. In that case, they will be searching for two matching blouse pieces of different colours and you can anticipate the resultant confusion. I hope this fashion does not come through in my lifetime.

I am glad you have published a study on the subject. Please feel free to use extracts of this article in any future updating of the study. After all, we, innocent men, have to stick together against the shopping fallout and soaring blood pressure levels. Thank you!

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