Why Robert Pattinson should NOT play Spider-Man

The rumour bills are abuzz of news that Robert Pattinson, the uber-popular star of the Twilight movie franchise, will be the next Spider-Man as the series gets a reboot.

Here, then, are 5 reasons why he shouldn't get the part:

1. He's a wuss. He might not be one in real life, but Twilight is clearly a girls-only phenomenon, men and grown women lamenting just how that franchise has turned vampires into teenybopper pin-ups.

That disastrous Spidey 3 already had Peter Parker wearing eye-shadow and going emo, and a new Spidey film needs to be fresh and very, very cool.

2. Spider-Man needs street cred, especially at a time when heroes like Batman are getting even darker and those like Iron Man are becoming insouciant dudes.

He's the biggest star in the Marvel pantheon, and he needs to be believable, asskickingly awesome. He needs to be someone Hit Girl wants to fight alongside, not someone she gives a wedgie.

3. It's high time Spidey became the wisecracking whippersnapper we know and love from the comics. Tobey Maguire started out soft and vulnerable but the series ended before he could really hit his stride.

Spidey now needs a cocky smartmouth, an actor with significant comic timing who does well looking brash. Pattinson doesn't quite seem like the best candidate.

4. Apparently Pattinson was so moved by Remember Me that he decided to produce it himself.

The film is a mushy monstrosity, and while the lad clearly isn't great at picking scripts, he really is playing right into the hands of fanforums labelling him a sissy.

What if he gets all worked up over Mary Jane and sniffles when he's upset? Tears would really mess up the back of that latex mask.

5. Oh, and he's convinced he'll die at 30.

He's obviously just trying to be 'clever' with an exaggerated soundbite about how the cool die young -- and it fits into the cute-vampire movies he does -- but the Spider-Man franchise is going through a massive reboot, and it really doesn't need anyone, well, unsure of sticking around.