Sukanya Verma in Mumbai
Like the ones preceding it, the last decade packed in a mix of good, bad and ugly. Let's concentrate on the unpleasant.
Out of the numerous films churned out by Bollywood's interminable factory, quite a few turned out to be stinkers. While this outcome on some was a surprise, others just lived up to the inevitability on a much more jarring note.
Here's a year wise look at the 10 unforgivably bad movies ofthe 2000s.
Haan...Maine Bhi Pyaar Kiya (2001)
Following the success of Raja Hindustani and Dhadkan, Dharmesh Darshan hoped to upgrade another old hat, Ek Hi Bhool, the sappy Jeetendra-Rekha starrer, into box office gold.
But neither Karisma's sleekly straightened hair nor her real-life equation with Abhishek Bachchan (back then) could salvage this torturously boring melodrama, also starring Akshay Kumar in one his dullest avatars.
Lousy acting, lackluster soundtrack and complete lack of excitement (considering there's Dolly Bindra in it), that's Haan...Maine blah blah for you.
Aap Mujhe Ache Lagne Lage (2002)
After showing his mettle in the breezy Kaho Naa...Pyaar Hai, Hrithik Roshan delivers the greatest embarrassment of his career with Vikram Bhatt's as god-awful as it gets -- Aap Mujhe Ache Lagne Lage.
What's the deal with gargantuan titles and shoddy content, anyway?
So this mishmash of dandiya videos meets Aashiqui meets Sir is particularly offensive thanks to Amisha Patel's Razzie-reeking performance. The lady appears to be on her own trip as she uncontrollably heaves, sighs, turns irritatingly coy whilst taking hamming to an altogether new level.
Boom (2003)
What happens when a plot gets wilder beyond control? It ceases to make sense.
Kaizad Gustad's Boom is as convoluted as that and more.
What was expected to be some new-age thriller high on the superstar prowess of Amitabh Bachchan and the undeniable sizzle of its super hot triplet -- Madhu Sapre, Padma Lakshmi and Katrina Kaif, instead turns out to be a soundless fury of skin-show overkill, bland performances and indulgent filmmaking.
Read the review here
Musafir (2004)
Style is seldom a substitute for substance.
Sanjay Gupta is a prime endorser of the look-over-logic school. He's also an unquestioned authority on unoriginality.
Given that, his U-Turn rip-off is mostly a sepia-toned catalogue of spunky stars in sleek leather jackets, edgy hairstyles made to mouth crudities in a bid to shock or thrill, depending on your disgust limit.
Only this two-minute video worth material stretches into a full-blown motion picture, squandering the talents of Sanjay Dutt and Anil Kapoor into something so lame and inconsequential, it hurts.
Read the review here
Kisna: The Warrior Poet (2005)
When did the showman lose his touch? Some say it is Taal. Others feel it is Yaadein. But Kisna made it known full and final.
Showman Subhash Ghai's dreams to recreate another Lagaan crashed when he helmed this ludicrous and excruciatingly insipid romance.
When not bombarded with the obsolete dialogues and forced romance between Kisna and Katherine, there's Vivek Oberoi's faux earnestness and Isha Sharvani's completely-out-of-context gymnastics to contend with.
Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006)
Karan Johar's grown-up take on infidelity and relationships is much too muddled, superficial and LONG to approve.
The only emotion it succeeds in evoking is that of anger followed by a whole chain of why's?
Why is Rani Mukerji's character such a wimp? Why does Shah Rukh Khan's character hang out with a wimp? Soon you learn, he's a wimp too.
So while we are made to suffer the affair of wimps, their blissfully unaware partners break into a disco-theme jig where John Abraham plays DJ.
Instead of breaking into photogenic tears in some chic corner of New York, why don't these people work out their problems? Why does KJo waste so much of our precious time when he has no intention of giving us a credible reason behind all these mishaps of the heart? Now that's cheating.
Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag (2007)
Enough mud has already been slung on this doomed Ram Gopal Varma baby. Here's some more.
The much-maligned reworking of Ramesh Sippy's classic Sholay is a text-book example of yes, how to not make a film AND how to extract loathsome performances from some of the best-known talents of the Indian film industry -- be it Big B's flickering tongue horror, Ajay Devgn's Veeru-on-weed or Urmila Matondkar's bawdy, tasteless rendition of Mehbooba.
As for Mohanlal, the man's restraint seems lost on this motley crowd. This one turned out so bad even RGV has developed a sense of humour about it.
Love Story 2050 (2008)
Love Story 2050 turned Flop Story 2008. So what's wrong? Like, everything?
Right from Priyanka Chopra's hideous red hair to the pink teddy on her back to Boman Irani's Einsteinic scientist to those tackily designed sets in the name of futuristic to those poor man's Bicentennial Man robots to Anu Malik's groan inducing soundtrack to a patchy screenplay to the atrocious, over-the-top acting doled out by each and every member of the cast to the man around whom this monstrosity is constructed -- Harman Baweja. He's no good. Nor is this film.
Read the review here
Chandni Chowk To China (2009)
It took a bad film of this proportion to bring an unexpected end in Akshay Kumar's golden run at the box office.
What starts out -- and was majorly hyped -- as a screwy comedy turns into a crass revenge drama with the bad guy peeing on the good guy. And that's not the end of its insane metamorphosis.
It further develops into a desi Karate Kid with the good Chinese helping Akshay to triumph over the bad Chinese. That reads as Akki, in a supernatural moment; evoking the river into a knock of giant wave and figuring out his patent moves lie in the art of dicing, chopping, kneading paratha dough.
Trust Akshay to erase the dreadful memories of CC2C with the equally appalling, if not more, Kambakht Ishq.
Veer (2010)
There dumb. And there's dumber.
Who'd know it better than Anil Sharma, the man behind far-fetched fare like Tehelka, Gadar: Ek Prem Katha and The Hero: Love Story of a Spy?
With Veer, penned by its hero Salman Khan, Sharma displays a whole new level of daftness as he fobs off absurd for aesthetic.
In this desi vs angrezi brand of unspecified period drama, Salman gets to dress up in all sorts of costumes -- a gladiator, a prince, a tribal.
Unless fancy dress competitions or Mithun Chakravarthy romancing Neena Gupta is your idea of entertainment, Veer is the A to Z of baloney.
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