So, really, Kya Love Story Hai?

Well, Director Lovely Singh's debut film provides nothing the average movie-goer cannot predict.

Arjun (Tusshar Kapoor) is an aimless individual with an architect's degree who just enjoys his family wealth and comments on buildings with poor symmetry.

Kaajal (chubby-cheeks Ayesha Takia) is the girl next door who wants a self-made man to sweep her off her feet and give impressive speeches about making it on his own.

So what's the deal?

Ajrun sees chubby Kaajal and it's love at first sight. He runs into her at a friend's party, befriends and gives her blatantly obvious love cues. Sadly, she is in no mood to figure it out. Finally, after Arjun goes hoarse screaming Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hain through a variety of meaningless songs, he decides to write a love letter to the bimbette.

Kaajal chances upon the letter and Arjun seizes the opportunity to ask her what her response would be if the girl was like her. Sigh. Cliche, cliche, cliche.

Kaajal proclaims that she wants a self-made hubby. Enter Ranveer Oberoi (newcomer Karan Hukku), workaholic millionaire of her dreams, who fires people because they misspell his surname. Wow.

Arjun vanishes from the scene mysteriously, leaving another letter, agreeing with Kaajal's theory.

What happens next? Kaajal and Ranveer get involved in a minor war of words and his mother decides the girl who can tell off her son must be the woman he should spend his life with. Mama's boy agrees with the bizarre logic and invites Kaajal to coffee and a few meetings, if only to figure out if his mother is cuckoo.

Chubby is confused about the relationship as the dreamboat fits her ideal description, but always gives his work priority. She yearns for undivided attention and misses her bekaar friend Arjun who showered her with attention and advice -- because he really didn't have anything else to do.

Arjun does return, having bagged a $600 million assignment, and heads straight to Kaajal, but is shocked. He's returned a bit too late, on the eve of her engagement. No, that isn't the whole plot, that's just the first half.

What follows in the second half are more meaningless songs, more cliched scenes and a ridiculous amount of mediocre dialogue, where every character is well behaved and ready to sacrifice to the hilt. It doesn't take rocket science to guess who gets the girl.

The problem with Kya Love Story Hai? is that it looks like Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai Part 2 -- Director Lovely Singh was an assistant to Satish Kaushik on that film, by the way.

Indian cinema is coming of age and this regressive piece of story-telling is definitely not 'rocking.'

A fancy but unnecessary item number and South African locales cannot save a bad script. And yes, I almost forgot (with good reason) a forced comedy track with Arjun's sex-obsessed friends that doesn't even deserve a mention.

Pritam's music is a major disappointment. Barring the Kareena Kapoor track It's Rocking, a classy song that kicks off the film, nothing is worth your stereo or iPod.

Tusshar delivers an average performance, but loses control with his expressions in the songs -- a special mention must be made about the song in the bus, where he looks like a mentally challenged man attempting to do his own makeup.

Ayesha Takia, who impressed in Dor, goes back to being the bubbly girl next door. She really needs a strenuous workout and a few variations in her (by now) standard expressions.

Giving her ample company is newcomer Karan Hukku who looks angry and stiff while snarling unceremoniously in every scene. Chill, dude!

To sum it up, Kya Love Story Hai Is a recycled, redundant tale not likely to find many takers at the Box Office.

Rediff rating: