I Was A Vande Bharat Virgin

Swarupa Dutt's 10 takeaways from her first time on board a Vande Bharat train.

1. The Train
Six years after it first launched, this was my first Vande Bharat journey and I was pretty much excited.
The train looked as swanky as the pictures and videos, when it rolled into the station. And does make for Instagram-worthy posts.
More importantly, it was not dusty and dirty on the outside, as most long-distance trains in India are.

2. The Seat
I had been allocated a confirmed ticket, and my ticket read 'WS' (Window Seat), which is what I had chosen while booking.
But surprise, surprise, my seat number matched with the aisle seat inside the train.
And no surprise, the gent at the window bagged the elbow space.

3. The Compartment
The train was relatively clean; the linoleum on the floor could have done with a swab, maybe. There was no litter.
A 2x3 seating with an aisle wider than a plane, the seat was ergonomic but a small pillow (like airplanes offer) would have been nice for the lower back.
The windows were wide and clean -- had it been day, would have offered a splendid view of the rolling countryside.
Water bottle holder, check. Charging point, check. Footrest, check.
The seat fabric was smooth and stain-free, except for some crumbs left over from another journey.

4. The Loo
The loo, dear lord, forgive me my trespass, was godawful.
The floor was wet, presumably with pee. There was urine dribbled on the seat (unless water is yellow).
Someone clearly was losing fistfuls of hair, all sitting at the drain hole at corner of the loo.
F-I-L-T-H-Y.
Passengers, of course, are to blame, but not once did I see the housekeeping staff clean the loo.

5. On-Board Entertainment
The seats did not have consoles, which I hadn't expected, but the compartment did have a screen on the wall which gave you the time to destination, speed, kilometres away etc, much like flights do.
The info interchanged with glimpses of PM Modi inaugurating Vande Bharat trains.

6. The Food
I looked forward to the meal, which took an inordinately long time to arrive.
Rotis, rice, chicken curry, dal, a vegetable, pickle, dahi and a sweet.
I've always wanted to meet the cook who makes chapattis for long-distance train journeys. Change is not a constant.
Decades after decades, how are the rotis still undercooked? Terrible food, only fit for the starving.

7. The Mix-Up
The passenger sitting diagonally across the aisle, offered an inadvertent view of his phone. The few times I happened to look that way, it was always a speech of Modiji.
His meal arrived before mine. He summoned the attendant.
From what I gathered, he had ordered a veg meal, but was served a non-veg one.
The ticket-checker arrived and tried to calm him.
He filed an online complaint & was served a complimentary cheese sandwich.

8. The Scarlet Letter
When I was served my meal, I checked with the attendant to ensure it was a non-veg meal. The attendant pointed to the N written on foil container cover. N for non-veg.
Sure enough, I had chicken curry.
I asked the attendant for deets on the man's meal mix-up, he mumbled that the N marked on his meal was in fact a Z, so it was veg not non-veg.
Eh? So, Z for? Zunka? A zale of zalsehood, more likely.

9. The Passenger
Across the aisle to my right was a single seat. (This was not the meal goof-up pax). It was occupied by a man who was redolent of nostalgia.
Monkey cap, dhoti-kurta-jacket, plasticised jute bag, and a snorer.
Why do you never see these passengers nowadays?

10. The ETA
People who travel by other long-distance passenger trains always complain that the Vande Bharat has led to other trains arriving late.
Which, of course, means the VB is always on time.
On time means arriving at its destination station at the exact time it is supposed to, not a minute later. Right?...

This train arrived 10 minutes late and those passengers including me, who had to take the connecting metro at Howrah, missed it.
Maybe the first time was a little painful and would get better? Would I do it again?
Of course, I would! Wine in a new bottle it may be, but it's still wine.