'When Boys Are Rejected By A Girl, They Resort To Toxicity'

'The male-dominant Indian culture displays a lot of violence, a lot of aggression towards women.'

Adolescence, Netflix's current sensation, has ignited conversations about a troubling mindset among today's youth.

The limited series, seemingly about a murder investigation, actually explores what teenagers, specifically teenage boys, think. In the process, the show thrust the term 'incel' into mainstream consciousness. Short for 'involuntary celibacy', it describes young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually.

Though the terminology may be unfamiliar to many, this attitude has been part of Indian society for generations.

Dr Nishant Goel, 50, brings 25 years of psychiatric expertise to his role as professor of psychiatry and head of the Centre for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Ranchi's Central Institute of Psychiatry.

While discussing incel behaviour in the Indian context with Ronjita Kulkarni/Rediff, Dr Goel observes, "We come across such situations almost on a daily basis -- jealousy because they feel their peers are better than them; jealousy if a girl doesn't give them adequate attention... the frustration that creeps up lead to these things. It's very common in our society."

Have you seen Adolescence? What did you think about the show?

Yes, I have.

Even in India, we come across adolescents, particularly boys, who have a specific dislike towards women.

When incels come together online, such communities are called toxic chambers. I am not sure whether they exist in India but they are present in the west.

In India, we may not know them as incels but this attitude is present.

Yes. This belief that girls only like attractive men... it's that 80-20 rule (Incels believe that 80 per cent of women are only attracted to 20 per cent of men. This leaves the remaining 80 per cent of men as involuntarily celibate unless they force women into a sexual encounter).

That is why crimes against women and young girls exist.

You know the Nirbhaya case. One of the accused was a minor.

Boys who come from a patriarchal society objectify feminism; this has existed in India for centuries.

How early do men start entertaining such thoughts?

As per my understanding, it happens when boys hit puberty.

Girls now reach puberty when they are 10 to 11 years old; boys, when they are around 11 to 12 years old.

As they hit puberty, they start looking at the world (differently). They start experimenting and developing sexual features (like facial and body hair; a change in their voice, etc). They start getting attracted towards girls.

Boys, as opposed to girls, have a stronger sense of physical attraction (towards the opposite sex).

With age, you learn to understand your emotions and attractions. When children are between the ages of 11 to 15 years though, it's a hurricane age; they don't understand the concept of emotions.

Can you give us real world examples?

I will give you an example of what is happening in my ward now.

I have a 24-bed unit where we admit children aged between eight and 18 with their parents.

Now, suppose a young boy and girl with behavioural problems get admitted. As they get better, they start talking to each other. They may start taking strolls in the ward.

He may get attracted to her if she is good-looking because it's all about the concept of LMS -- looks, money, sexuality. If she does not reciprocate, he may start feeling jealous.

The concept of jealousy is pivotal to the (incel) tendencies children might develop.

We come across such situations almost on a daily basis -- jealousy because they feel their peers are better than them; jealousy if a girl doesn't give them adequate attention... the frustration that creeps up lead to these things. It's very common in our society.

When boys are rejected by a girl, they resort to toxicity.

In our age, we used to talk to our friends. Nowadays, everything is on social media so trolling and cyber-bullying is very common.

What's the percentage of such boys who come to you for help?

It's very difficult to quantify something like this this but at least 40-50 per cent of the boys who approach a girl and are either rejected or ignored tend to develop a version of this tendency.

Has it increased over the years? Would you say it's become more after COVID because everyone was indoors and online then?

That's a very interesting question. Definitely, yes.

During COVID, children experienced solitude, loneliness. A boy experiencing loneliness tends to try approaching girls. And if they fail to get that reciprocation, they tend to develop this attitude.

They troll girls openly. Basically, that is their way of coping with their pessimism or their failure to attract that particular girl.

Would you agree that India leads in this kind of attitude?

Yes. As I told you, this has been there from the early ages.

The term incel is part of what is called neologism in psychiatry. Neologism means the new usage of words; incel is a relatively new word that the young population has understood through online communities.

The male-dominant Indian culture displays a lot of violence, a lot of aggression towards women. It has deep roots in incel-dom, if I can use that word.

Do you think it's the incels in India who hold women back under the garb of sanskar?

Absolutely.

Indian men, particularly those who come from (certain) backgrounds or are not well-read, have a strong patriarchal feeling. And that's where misogyny comes from.

They let women work outside the home but with the understanding that the women will do everything for them in their personal lives as well. They also use women to satiate their sexual needs and desires. When children see their elders doing this, they tend follow the same path.

It definitely exists in the value system in our country.

Are rape, acid attacks and female violence the outcome of an incel mind?

Most incels avoid social situations.

They develop a sense of insecurity that turns into paranoia. They have a very, very high frustration quotient because they think they are entitled but are rejected. That is how they develop hostility towards women.

Now, this is the difference between the Indian and western subcontinent.

In western studies, they say that violence is not that common even though it was shown in Adolescence.

These things (violence against women) are rooted in sexual frustration and is the hallmark of the incel mindset (in India).

In Adolescence, the father seemed normal and loving. Yet, his son was an incel. How much has social media contributed towards make young boys think they are incels?

Look, Indian society is more of a collectivistic society. We don't only learn from our fathers. We also learn from our teachers, friends, neighbours... We are very close to our mamas and chachas too.

How does one shield a young mind from social media?

We all talk about the negativities of social media but social media can also play a positive role.

You can use it for monitoring and early identification of these tendencies in children. You can use social media to provide safe spaces.

For example, to counter the toxic chambers, you can make ‘safe chambers’ which provide a safe space for these young boys to discuss their thoughts and feelings. It’s the same as self-help groups.

They can discuss their emotional struggles with professionals or survivors.

You can use social media to supplement school-based prevention programmes, particularly when it comes to discussing gender equality, respecting each other's sexual rights, talking about the concept of consent...

Do movies influence this phenomenon in any way?

Definitely. Movies are a reflection of the societal values which we live with.

Though we have parental guidance, you know how much people follow these things.

In our country, no matter how much we talk about sex education, 90 per cent of the adolescents learn about sexual practices from porn movies which show girls or women as an object of pleasure; this will definitely impact the young minds.

Young minds are malleable minds.

Do incels take refuge in religion and twist it according to their terms?

Weak people, or people who are incels, use religion as a shield to explain what they are thinking and doing.

I don't think religion itself has ever made any differentiation between a boy and a girl.

Andrew Tate (the social media personality and former kickboxer who has been accused of sexual harassment and human trafficking) has become the face of incel. He is openly misogynist and has numerous followers. What makes the youth look up to him so much?

It all started with him only, didn't it?

Basically, these online communities started in the late '90s. Boys who were not able to date girls discussed their frustrations online.

Initially, girls were also a part of it but gradually the conversation became male-dominated.

Andrew Tate was a major part of such discussions. People started idolising him. He became the face of this incel ideology. There are boys who follow him blindly.

Can women be incels too or is it only a male phenomenon?

The concept basically started with boys but can happen the other way around as well.

Maybe it will not be the 80-20 rule but girls can also develop a feeling that they are always rejected by boys. They can develop the same tendency.

The basic difference in terms of expression of violence is that girls tend to internalise things. The sense of sadness or depression will be more internalised in girls as compared to boys.

By virtue of the Y chromosome in boys, it is said that they are more aggressive and more vocal; they show off more.