Is your online match trying to dominate conversations, asking too many questions of you, or making demands to share phone numbers, intimate photographs, sexting or meeting in a private spot very early on?
It’s a sign of desperation and lying to make you give in.
In 2021, some 24,000 victims across the United States reported losing approximately $1 billion to romance scams.
Is it so different in India?
In December last year, a 27-year-old entrepreneur from Gurugram, India got scammed after registering on a dating app and ended up paying nearly Rs 65 lakh.
If these incidents are not jolting enough, all you need to do is sign up with a dating app to see how quickly a regular dating site shows a profile that is most likely fake, or worse, fraudulent.
Even if it’s a real person, it’s easy to hide behind a screen and misrepresent your life, interests, appearance and personality to impress the other person.
Priyanka Kuka and Tanisha Kanani, founders of Not So Arranged, an online dating website, have advice that could potentially save time and money, bring peace of mind, and even prevent a heartbreak or two:
1. A scamster's profile has minimal information
It's pretty obvious that if one is serious about meeting like-minded people on a dating app, you would put some effort into your profile.
We don't mean that it has to be super detailed but it's important to share some quality information about yourself. If all you see is a landscape photo, or a no-questions-answered, empty bio, steer clear of those profiles.
Ideally, a person should update enough information about themselves to spark an interest for a swipe or a ‘like’.
Try engaging only with verified profiles or on sites that mandatorily verify all their users.
2. The pictures seem off
Is it just selfies taken at close quarters or pics with someone cropped out? Or too professional images have been used that seem stolen?
There are terms like kittenfishing, a seemingly innocuous version of catfishing, where small details about self-appearance are hidden via angles, filters or photo editing software.
For instance, the profile says he or she is 28 but uses images that seem to be of a recent college graduate. Is he or she trying to lie about current looks? Nobody ages backwards.
3. Generic content
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of websites and blogs making that one dreadful job easier for singles: Creating a striking, even funny bio.
If your match's bio is nothing but a copy-and-paste job, he/she's clearly not in it to land some real connections.
4. Stories are inconsistent
Matched already? Pay attention to their stories.
While you don’t want to go all Sherlock Holmes on anyone, if you notice that they don't keep their story straight, it is a clear sign of lying.
For instance, if he/she mentions that he/she would be traveling with family one weekend but later says it's travel for work.
A lot of married people are on dating apps, often with information that’s either completely fake or newly-tailored to lure unsuspecting matches.
If something seems off, ask about the same incident/story from a different angle after some time, or call them out on it and see how they react.
5. Comes on very strong
If your online match is trying to dominate conversations, asking too many questions of you, or makes demands for phone numbers, intimate photographs, sexting or meeting in a private spot very early on, it’s likely he or she is desperate and lying to make you give in.
They could even send your their own sexual photographs without your consent.
Feeling forced or creeped out is not only a red flag, but a strong sign of possible deception. Trust your gut!
6. Refusal to get too personal
This could be because they want to lead you on, without the promise of commitment.
Alternatively, this could be because they have something to hide.
While everyone has the right to open up at their own pace, avoiding harmless social questions and cutting short conversations about their life, could be their way of keeping you out.
7. You seem to have a bit too much in common
All your interests match which can make it easy to connect at first. But sometimes it can also be too good to be true.
They have the same travel bucket list, similar aspirations for starting a family, adore the same singers, authors or celebrities, and use all the brands you’re loyal to.
If it seems like they’re trying to flatter you to serve a selfish purpose, they’re most likely lying or cheating.
Remember if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
8. Hot and cold behaviour
In addition to being a red flag, on-and-off interactions or oscillating between chatty and distant could point to deception.
If they reinitiate contact without explanation or apology after ghosting you, think hard about it.
9. Love-bombing
Love bombing occurs when someone ‘bombs’ you with extreme displays of attention and affection early on.
If he or she is going out of his/her way to show you how reliable and caring he or she is from the first conversation itself, for instance by giving you cute nicknames, it could be a facade to make you fall for him/her.
This will create attachment patterns in your mind, which he or she could be waiting to take advantage of.
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