rediffGURU Anu Krishna offers expert advice on matters relating to the heart.
You can ask her your questions HERE.
Is your relationship causing you stress?
Are you feeling lonely, helpless, indecisive?
You are not alone.
rediffGURU Anu Krishna, a mind/life coach and NLP trainer, offers expert advice about how you can take charge of your life.
You can ask her your questions HERE.
Neha: Hey mam please help me.
My ex-boyfriend is blackmailing me by saying that he will show our pictures to my dad and call my dad to tell everything about us.
My dad is very, very strict. He will never spare me.
I am so scared. What should I do??
Dear Neha, when it has come to blackmailing, I suggest kindly involve your Dad.
He knows how to protect his daughter and he will do so.
But if you don't feel comfortable or you feel awkward, confide in a family member who is old enough to deal with this 'creep' who definitely seems to get a kick out of all this.
If he is underage, his parents will have to be involved to drive some sense inside of him and, if he is an adult, the cops giving him a warning can put him in his place.
DO NOT FEAR. Creeps like these are weak and simply prey on girls who crumble under their pressure.
Put up a brave front. Also, do not speak with one-on-one OR meet him alone ever.
Keep a record of all your text messages and record any future voice conversations. It will help to push him back and again.
DO NOT FEAR. Feeling power within you will reach him and he will think before acting hastily...
Involve an elder family member ASAP PLEASE...
All the best!
Anonymous: I am 43, divorcee. I'm in touch with a girl (39) since last month. Soon she is going for divorce.
We have been meeting once in a week and every day we talk on the phone.
While talking she sounds positive.
Whenever I ask her when will you file divorce she says very soon, since the last six months.
I don't understand what to do. Please advice.
rediffGURU Anu Krishna: Dear Anonymous,
Well, you can ask her the same question by being frank! When she says 'Soon', ask her 'How soon'?
Sometimes, in matters like divorce, people develop confusions as to whether they are doing the wise thing.
Also, being a woman, it isn't going to get any easier for her. Maybe she is still thinking if she should opt for divorce...These ifs and buts will only make it harder for you as you will only spend time speculating.
So, ask and till the answers don't give you a clear indication of her mind and her decisions, do not be ready to jump to the next step.
Having said this, if she asks for time, respect that as well.
All the best!
Anonymous: Me and my wife are married for 11 years now. Suddenly in 2020 she asked for a divorce out of no where.
I tried for one year but then agreed to do mutual divorce since she was telling there is no more love. But when I was about to move on she came back telling let's try again.
I tried again for 1.5 years and still she is telling there is no love.
When I am ready for a divorce, she tells me we will try again. But she doesn't message me or call me.
We live in two places now and we have a son who stays with her parents.
She has admitted that she had an emotional attachment with one of her colleague but that was only a crush-like thing and he is already married.
She says she doesn't love anyone now. What should I do now?
rediffGURU Anu Krishna: Dear Anonymous,
Now she wants you and then she doesn't!
Again she wants you and then she doesn't!
Is this some sort of a game?
You are just getting pulled in and then tossed over...it's obvious that she is finding the lack of something in the marriage and hence is confused about what to do.
The crush is also an act to find out if she get that lack fulfilled there which she hasn't figured out.
Put an end to this game NOW by having a conversation as two mature adults.
Do this for the sake of your son who I am sure you will agree is getting affected by the fact that his parents live separately.
Determine if going separate is the best way only after proper deliberation and a humble effort of making things right towards the marriage.
Talk and communicate to each other about what could have gone wrong and if you both could set it right.
If this fails, then at least you will know that you tried. Also, it will give you a fair chance of handling your son and his emotions with the decision.
Either way, please hasten this process before you are pulled in and tossed over in another game.
All the best!
Anonymous: Dear Anu, I am an overthinker and an extremely anxious person.
In fact I am so fearful of taking the next step in my life or my career that sometimes I get headaches, and feel restless in bed simply wondering if my action or decision will backfire.
Is this normal? Or is it something I should be worried about?
Can it be treated?
What can I do to improve?
Can you please help?
rediffGURU Anu Krishna: Dear Anonymous, I will address this question in three parts.
Part I: What causes overthinking?
Any unpleasant event from the past or any expectation of an unpleasant event happening in the future causes anxiety/panic.
To recover from the past experience or prevent a future occurrence goes into a mode of self-preservation whereby your thoughts LOOP one into another: If this happens, then that can happen and if that happened, what more can happen!
This is OVERTHINKING.... predicting without adequate proof and projecting one situation onto another.
This is out of your control OR locus of control.
Still why do you do it? Because you want to move away from the pain a past event caused or a future event might cause. Who wants pain, right?
Part II: How much do I believe overthinking?
NEVER!
Of course, the past event might recur but you also know how to deal with it because you have already experienced it.
Of course, a future event might happen, but isn't it better to live in peace for NOW and actually think: I will cross the bridge when it comes
So doubt your thoughts that cause you to overthink.
Part III: What can I do to change this habit?
Since you are aware as to the harm it causes you like headaches and restlessness, you know that this has to stop.
So, try this:
1. When you start to LOOP, doubt your thoughts and ask: Is this really true?
2. Journal about certain unpleasant experiences from the past
3. Remind yourself that you know what to do in any situation
4. Break into a dance or go for a run as this helps displace the feelings from your body
5. Surround yourself with people that are happy and positive
6. Leave the past behind and let the future happen when it must
7. Practise breathing exercise that help you calm down
Lastly and most importantly, tell yourself: I am more powerful than my fears and I have the means to work on them.
All the best!
Anonymous: Dear Mam, Kindly note that I am a 39 yrs old guy who is not married yet.
The reason behind me not getting married are basically coz I'm unable to get a match at my age and none of proposals that I have seen so far, none of them have turned positive.
Now I feel like even though I want to get married, I'll end up alone in life coz at 39 I feel I will not get any match.
I am very scared to living the rest of life alone.
So mam I want you to help me out ways to live life alone.
How to cope up with peers, relatives and colleagues pressure to get married?
rediffGURU Anu Krishna: Dear Anonymous, let's address your concerns:
1. 'I want to get married or I'll end up alone.'
This is not a reason to get married and you know that.
Get married to build a team, a family together where you help each other grow.
Incidentally, you also have a companion and lonely days instead become days filled with happy cheer and sometimes challenges as well.
So change your mindset while looking for prospects for marriage so that when you are in conversation with someone who is a match, you don't come across needy but instead focus on how the two of you can grow together.
It is your fear that is right now pulling you into marriage rather than more positive reasons.
2. Pressure from relatives and peers
Is it their life that you are leading? NO!
Then stop focusing on what they tell you and focus on how you can make the best use of matrimonial sites or dating apps (if you choose that).
Also, request your friends to set you up with someone that they might know since they know you well.
You can also join groups and communities online (beware of scams and scamsters here) where you might find like-minded people to meet and interact with.
Being part of some hobby class or adventure camps may also allow for similar meeting points where you can hit it off with people who hold similar interests as yours.
Lastly, don't give up. When the time is right, it is so don't lose hope. BUT certainly lose your current fearful mindset and embrace a mindset that is joyful and cheerful and selfless.
All the best!
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