 | « Back to article | Print this article |
You're a financially independent, capable woman. Move out now, advises Rediff.com's Love Guru.
Are you in love with someone who isn't ready to commit yet?
How do you convince your parents and prospective in-laws if you want to have an intercaste marriage?
How do you deal with interfering parents and in-laws after marriage?
Talk to Rediff Love Guru, who won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it.
Anonymous: I am a 34 year-old married woman.
I have 10 year old daughter. I am also working in an MNC.
I got married 12 years ago. I am seeing a lot of challenges in my home.
I am living with my in laws from the day one. There were lot of issues going on from the beginning.
I faced lot of issue during my pregnancy due to this.
To give you an example: My MIL's (mother-in-law's) condition's was that I was not allowed to drink milk more than one small glass for a day. I could only eat one spatula of rice for afternoon and night; no veggies or fruits during pregnancy.
Due to this my health deteriorated and I had gone through surgery in my sixth month and was in bed rest till the delivery.
My FIL (father-in-law) used to bring some fruits to me but she scolded him very badly. After that, he stopped bringing anything.
She doesn't allow me to cook. She prepares lunch and tells everyone in the family and neighbourhood that I don't cook.
I've told her several times that I can cook. She says she doesn't like if others cook. So she allows me to chop the veggies or grate coconut.
She gives very less amount of food to my daughter.
Sometimes if my daughter is hungry, she scolds her saying don't eat too much.
For a 10 year old kid, she weighs only 24 kg.
For her school lunch bag and snacks, I fought with my MIL to prepare food. She eats happily.
Whenever my husband and I try to talk to her about this, she says I changed her son and that he doesn't love her anymore because of me, etc.
Nowadays, I feel the relationship between my husband and I is going down. He only listens to her.
Sometimes my MIL scolds my daughter unnecessarily in front of my husband and he we will scold my daughter for this again.
Due to this, my husband's relationship with our daughter is also getting worse. He continues scolding her.
My daughter is average in her academics; she doesn't study properly after coming home due to lot distractions and mood swings at home.
Another reason is the television. At home my MIL watches TV from morning.
We are not allowed to watch but that's OK. I don't have time for that anyway.
When my daughter is studying in the evening, my MIL watches some serials.
My daughter's whole concentration is on the audio coming from TV. She gets distracted and makes excuses like she wants to drink water so she can watch TV.
We tried to explain this to my MIL, but it didn't go down well.
Most of the times, I feel like my daughter and I are outsiders and whatever we do they don't like it.
I like to pray by singing one song at least once a day. She doesn't like it. Whatever food I prepare to my daughter my MIL complains it to my husband as junk.
I normally prepare her rice with lot of veggies, parathas with veggies and sandwich.
After I started preparing these, my daughter started eating veggies, otherwise there was big NO from her.
I don't know how to handle all those things.
Also recently during Dusshera, due to one such situation, my husband is not talking properly with me and my daughter.
I am an introvert, and I don't have any friends.
I don't know with whom to seek advice from.
Twelve years of this? You're a financially independent, capable woman.
Why in God's name are you tolerating this absurd woman and her absolute BS?
Move out. NOW.
If your husband has any sense, he'll join you.
If not, let him live under his mother’s skirt for the rest of his life, but don’t destroy your own any more than you already have.
Take your daughter and LEAVE!
Anonymous: I am a Hindu girl, in a relationship with a Muslim guy.
Our relationship was going great but suddenly my boyfriend's family is forcing him for an arranged marriage.
I have told him to inform his family about our relationship.
He is trying to but hasn't said yet. But due to his family pressure and my constant talking about marriage he gets irritated a lot.
Now I'm feeling a little change in his behaviour. Like he is just trying to skip the discussion about future and marriage.
When I call him he is not talking nicely to me.
I'm getting very emotional and hurt due to his behaviour.
He has said that he will try his best to convince his family but now I'm not sure if he will take my stand or not. What to do now?
He sounds like a coward who will do as his family says. And I don’t think he intends to stick with you if they say NO.
Heck, I don't think he plans on saying anything at all!
If he loved you enough and had the gumption, he'd have taken a stand by now.
I say drop him and move on.
See what happens when you leave him; if he really does love you and wants to be with you, he'll take action.
But unfortunately, from everything you've said here, it sounds more like he’ll be relieved and go on to marry under an arrangement.
If he does, don't ever entertain any calls from him again.
I've often heard of fools like him -- no guts to marry the girlfriend, miserable in the arranged marriage six months to a year in, then re-establish contact with former girlfriend and have an affair but no guts to end the marriage.
In this whole scenario, it doesn't take a genius to figure out who will be at the losing end -- you! DROP HIM!
Anonymous: Hi ma'am/sir, I am a 28-year-old man fall in love with a divorced woman who is 31 years old.
We are in a relationship from the last two years.
My parents are opposing our relationship.
We lived in the same village.
I met her at my sister's marriage and started talking with her.
After a few months we fell in love.
When I was with her I was happy. But after I discussed with my parents they refused our relationship.
My mother started crying and said if you talk to her again don't talk to us.
I am the only son to my parents. I don't want to hurt them or her. What to do ma'am?
Recently in our family one of my cousins had a love marriage and their marriage ended in six months. His wife wants a divorce.
Why are your parents opposing the match?
Is it only because she's divorced?
Do you know why she's divorced and how well do you know her?
Have you spent a lot of time with her in person or is your relationship mainly on the phone or long distance?
If you're very confident of your relationship, go ahead and marry her anyway.
Your cousin's marriage failing is no reason why yours will! Most people in the world marry for love!
Disclaimer: All content and media herein is written and published online for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. It should not be relied on as your only source for advice.
Please always seek the guidance of your doctor or a qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Do not ever disregard the advice of a medical professional, or delay in seeking it because of something you have read herein.
If you believe you may have a medical or mental health emergency, please call your doctor, go to the nearest hospital, or call emergency services or emergency helplines immediately. If you choose to rely on any information provided herein, you do so solely at your own risk.
Opinions expressed herein cannot necessarily provide advice to fit the exact specifics of the issues of the person requesting advice.