Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
If your partner keeps doubting you, despite your honesty, it means he’s not ready to trust you fully, says rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, while counselling a young woman accused of infidelity in a long-distance relationship.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
Is your long-distance partner cheating on you?
Do you suspect that he/she is lying?
How do you deal with trust issues when you are in a relationship, but both of you are not living in the same town?
Is it okay to continue defending yourself when you have done nothing wrong?
If your partner keeps doubting you despite your honesty, "it means he’s not ready to trust you fully," advises rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, a relationship expert and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation.
Do read Kanchan Rai's detailed advice on how to deal with a partner who has serious trust problems:
Niveditha: I'm from Mumbai. I'm 24 years old and I'm in love with a guy I met in Hyderabad.
He is 28 years old.
During the time of our relationship he was very good, but after we entered a long-distance relationship he started to accuse me of cheating on him.
I have never cheated on him but he always behaves hot and cold with me.
It's been happening for a long time.
When I was in Hyderabad he would behave very rudely with me, but I would let go of everything he did to me.
Since we are in a long-distance he is constantly accusing me of cheating. When I'm not working I'm sitting at my house 24/7.
I don't even go out. I'm not able to understand why he is behaving like this.
He accused me of cheating and lying just because I didn't call him in the night. There were some issues in my home so I couldn't call him.
When I returned his call the next day he started accusing me of cheating and lying, even though I was telling him the truth.
It's been five days that he hasn't messaged or called me.
What should I do?
I want to leave him and move on. But whenever I leave him he returns, only to leave again.
Dear Niveditha,
His disappearing for five days after accusing you of lying, even when you had a genuine reason for not calling, shows that he’s not handling conflict in a healthy way.
You shouldn't have to keep defending yourself when you’ve done nothing wrong. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. And if he keeps doubting you, despite your honesty, it means he’s not ready to trust you fully.
It is possible that he may have his own unresolved issues that he’s projecting onto you.
Wanting to leave him and move on is completely valid. The problem is that when he comes back, it reignites hope that maybe things will get better; but the cycle just repeats itself.
If he’s not willing to reflect on his behaviour or work on building trust, it’s not going to change. You deserve consistency, not this emotional push and pull.
Letting go is hard, but staying in a situation where you constantly have to prove yourself will drain you emotionally. If you're leaning toward leaving, try to stay firm this time, even if he comes back.
Your peace of mind matters more than holding on to a relationship that makes you feel constantly questioned and misunderstood.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
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