rediffGURU Kanchan Rai counsells individuals about how they can navigate complex relationships in their personal and professional lives.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
What do you need to keep in mind when you look for a potential partner in an arranged marriage set up?
Does a man's sexual past matter as much as a woman's virginity?
What can you do when your family is pressurising you to marry someone who is rich but not to your liking?
rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, a relationship coach and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, urges you to discuss your problems so you can seek solutions and transform your life.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
Anonymous: How much weightage should be given to the past relationship and sexual history of a man while vetting prospective matches in the process of an arranged marriage?
Does a man's virginity matter as much as a woman's virginity?
Or can his past be overlooked completely, if his present is good and his future looks promising?
A man's past should not be entirely overlooked but it should also not define him.
It's important to understand the context of his previous relationships -- whether they were casual, meaningful or unhealthy -- and how those experiences have shaped him.
The focus should be on whether he has grown from those experiences and whether his present actions and values align with the future he envisions with you.
If he demonstrates honesty, respect and a commitment to the relationship, his past becomes less significant compared to the person he is today.
Ultimately, the decision depends on what matters most to you as a partner.
If a man's virginity or lack of prior relationships is important to you for personal, cultural or religious reasons, it's essential to communicate this openly and respectfully.
At the same time, consider whether the expectations you place on him are fair and reflective of the qualities you value in a lifelong partner -- trust, kindness, loyalty and shared goals.
What truly matters in an arranged marriage -- or any relationship -- is how the person's past, present and future align with your vision of a partnership.
If he is open about his history, takes accountability for any mistakes and is genuinely committed to building a strong and loving future with you, his past should not necessarily overshadow the potential for a fulfilling relationship.
Hi Ma'am, I am a 29-year-old female.
My parents recently found a rich boy who they want me to marry.
Initially, they asked me to meet him a couple of times and then see if we were a match. However, I met him once and my experience was not great - we have different values in life.
I wasn't very happy after that meeting yet I thought I should meet him a couple of times before I make any decision. But now they are building a lot of pressure on me to say yes to him.
They are saying things like I will not find anyone better than this, there are no other options out there; this is as good as it gets; that I will be throwing away my life if I say NO, this is God's blessing that I should just accept.
They also said that if I say NO, they will just Yes to another guy who lives in Canada.
I do not understand what is suddenly happening because this was not the case a month ago.
They had mentioned that it is my life and if I say NO, then it will be a NO and there will be no pressure.
I don't know what to do really.
I feel like I am stuck at a crossroads.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires more than just compatibility on paper.
Shared values, mutual respect and a genuine connection are foundational to a happy and fulfilling relationship.
If you feel uncertain or uneasy after meeting this person, it's worth honouring those feelings and giving yourself time to explore them further.
One meeting is often not enough to decide but neither is it fair for anyone to expect you to commit without clarity.
It might help to have an open and honest conversation with your parents about how this pressure is making you feel.
You can discuss your thoughts with them calmly, focusing on your perspective rather than framing it as opposition to their wishes.
You could express gratitude for their care while also making it clear that you need space to make a decision that you can feel confident about.
You can even remind them that rushing into a choice you're not ready for could lead to regret, which is not what any of you wants.
If the pressure continues to escalate, consider involving someone you trust, maybe a relative, family friend, or counsellor who can mediate and help your parents understand your point of view.
Sometimes, a neutral perspective can ease tensions and bridge the gap between what they want and what you need.
Above all, remember that this is your life and your happiness at stake. While their love and approval are important, the decision to marry should come from a place of certainty and alignment with your values and goals.
It's okay to take your time, ask for understanding and prioritise what feels right for you.
You deserve a partnership that brings joy, peace and fulfilment, not one born out of pressure or fear of missing out.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
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