Life comes with its own set of challenges. You could be single or in a relationship; either way, you will have concerns that niggle you every day.
rediffGURU Anu Krishna tells you how you can deal with these challenges.
- You can ask rediffGURU Anu Krishna your questions HERE.
Are you confused about your sexuality?
Do you feel threatened when your spouse ignores your needs and desires?
Do you feel insecure, jealous or confused in your relationship?
rediffGURU Anu Krishna is a mind/life coach and NLP trainer with over 18 years of experience in helping people understand and solve their problems.
As the co-founder of Unfear Changemakers, Anu offers expert advice about how you can take charge of your life.
Anonymous: Hello, I do follow you from sometime and thought to ask you...NO... share my inner turmoil and get some suggestions....
I don't know what I want. I am 35 years old, unmarried female, I work in a small firm, living a good life with my family.
I am happy being single and don't have any thoughts about getting married sooner. Actually that is something strange.... is it?
Sometimes I wonder if I am going to regret today's decision of being single. Of not having a family of my own? It scares me some time.... I always say I won't be regretting it because it’s the best what I can do for myself now BUT... Also, recently one of my relatives is pregnant - seeing her I think about the child.
I feel connected to babies... So, it also comes to mind that I won't be able to experience it, though I am freaking shit scared of the whole thing. But a new born child of your own gives such a good feeling.
I know I can adopt and will if I can, but it is not an easy thing in India ... the procedures are many. Also I am not that financially stable. I belong to a lower middle class family. I am unmarried, aged.
One more thing I found strange about me is.... I never get attracted toward men or women (LOL) physically or emotionally. I don’t feel like my body/ heart/mind needs it. That's one big reason I never thought of marriage. I can't ruin a person's life by getting married to him even after knowing I will never be able to become his wife completely, right?
I don't feel anything about physical relationship. Not good not bad. It's a big part of married life. I also sometimes wonder maybe with time as duty I will accept it, may be like it but that's a whole experiment thing.
I know my personal space is quite bigger. When I actually started thinking about it I realised that I never showed love or emotions physically to anyone, like hugging your parents, siblings, giving kiss to kids, petting animals, holding hands of friends. I don't do it. So I am sure the experiment is going to fail.
I may become a good support but never a good partner.
Men are different when it comes to physical relationships. I have read a lot of your posts. It clearly says it means a lot to them. So I found my decision of not getting married correct.
I don’t think I am at a stage to handle a baby now, but I sure love them.
I may sound like a hypocrite wanting and not wanting. It's so confusing.
Is anything wrong with me?
I am overly emotional too.
I crave care and support. I am not a lonely person. I have a very beautiful happy family.
There are no questions. Just if you can say something in your reply.
My thoughts confuse me a lot. Your views may help me.
Dear Anonymous,
How many thoughts do you want to handle at one go?
1. You feel connected to babies but at this stage you can't handle...
2. You want to adopt but you worry about procedural difficulties...
3. You don't want to get married as you feel that not being attracted will ruin someone's life...
4. You don't want a physical relationship...
5. Your personal space matters a lot to you...
6. You can't show physical affection to anyone...
7. You are overly emotional...
8. You crave care and support...
In all of this, I still want you to think:
- What is it that I actually want?
- What is it that I am actually good at within the family?
- Where is it that I am uniquely different when it comes to relationships?
- What can I change to make a marriage/relationship work on a long-term basis?
Your challenge/issue is that you choose to focus on what you don't want and that keeps you in a confused state for long.
Instead, focus on what you want and what can help you get to that place; this can be the beginning of clearing confusion.
So, if your thoughts confuse you, then shift focus to better thinking by answering the above questions... it will be a good place to start.
All the best!
- You can ask rediffGURU Anu Krishna your questions HERE.
Sneha: Hi my husband is going on a trip with his friends and leaving me and my kid. Is this wrong?
Should I worry about it? Or let him go where he wants to?
Dear Sneha, Well, I am sure you would have expected him to plan the trip with his family!
Yes, why not?
But it is also healthy for the two of you to have your space away from one another and make trips with your own sets of friends.
BUT if your husband has begun to use this to ignore year-end family trips or has overlooked important events within the family to go on trips with his friends, consider this a red flag that you must not ignore.
So, where the situation is, is something that you need to assess.
And if it has been bothering you too much, do express to him how you feel.
If he dismisses that, then you know he isn't giving importance to what's important to you and it must be addressed.
So, express and hear what he has to say or how he responds to it... it will give you an idea of where he is mind is!
Also, you will know if you are clinging on to him... Space away from each other does help.
All the best!
Anonymous: Dear Anu Ma'am, My wife is extremely sensitive to even the smallest of criticism either received directly or indirectly. She gets panic attacks and suffers from the situation for about 10 days.
She is unable to leave any of the not-so-good/bad memories and thus keeps thinking of them all over time. She feels and talks hopeless and useless during this period, which also includes getting separated and ending her life.
We have two children, aged 14 and 9 years.
She does not talk to anyone when her mood is off.
I have been extremely patient all the time and always tried to console her and explain to her that we also have good memories to remember. But seems she doesn't understand these things.
We also consulted one psychiatrist, who gave her Ketamine treatment. She was fine for some time only but after some time she said that she would not go to any doctor now, and let the situation prevail as it is until she is living.
I am shattered and perplexed by this situation and cannot focus on my job and any other thing in life. What to do, Please advise.
I am not able to see her in this situation which is not so bad according to most of the people, but she is filled with so much hate and negativity that she is not able to understand things and value them.
Dear Anonymous, no one likes criticism and each of us reacts to it differently.
But it is also necessary to give people feedback and feedback which is not in their favour will be construed as criticism. This is how they can retract into their shell and not change anything even if the change is beneficial to them.
So, if you want to send feedback to your wife, two things:
1. Convert statements of feedback into questions.
Eg: This way of doing things is going to make you lose more time...Instead say: Do you feel that if there was a better way according to you to do this, you might have more time for yourself and also tire less?
More words but conveys the same without an accusation or instruction
2. Go to a professional who can make a clear diagnosis; medicines have effect till they last and then it's back to the drawing board.
Help your wife develop a sense of fulfilment from within. It could be that she is finding her routine very monotonous and dull which throws her emotions off balance.
So, have her work with a person who can get to the bottom of her mood swings.
These two suggestions in my opinion can make a huge difference to your marriage and home.
All the best!
- You can ask rediffGURU Anu Krishna your questions HERE.
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