'Nobody accepted me when I was a boy, but now people ask me to bless them.'
"Aunty, did you recognise me? I was Vicky, but now my name is Alena. I am a transgender woman now," Alena Joel tells an acquaintance she is meeting after a long time.
Alena had returned to the town she had left nearly eight years ago after her father retired as a railway locomotive driver. A college-going boy then, her family had moved to another state, but now she was back after sex reconstruction surgery in 2019.
She had found a job as a nursing attendant at an eye hospital in a village and rented a room nearby. Co-workers called her 'didi' and the next-door neighbour often made two extra rotis so that Alena did not have to make them at the end of a long day.
"I am very proud to stand in front of a mirror and see that I am a woman. Earlier, people called me 'meetha, launda, nachaniya' or gay, but they don't address me with those pejoratives anymore.
"I am proud to be known as transgender.
"I called myself Alena because it was my nursing superintendent's late daughter's name. The nursing superintendent gave me immense support throughout my transformation and I took her daughter's name as a tribute to her.
"She even spoke to my mother to make her understand what I felt. I was a woman trapped in a man's body, but now I am free."
'I tried hard to remain a boy, but couldn't'
Alena's given name is Vikrant.
She was a boy, but behaved and walked like a girl. She shaped her eyebrows and wore make up.
When alone, she would wear a sari or lehenga and dance.
"My mother knew my predicament and was worried about me showing it openly because she felt eunuchs would come and take me," she recalls.
In the colony where the family lived, people would raise their eyebrows at his oddity.
"I was a boy in a woman's body. I tried very hard to be a boy, but it was impossible."
"People passed comments when I passed. Men look at me badly, girls laughed. Life was really very difficult. I used to cry and think I will have to endure these comments for life," says Alena who also gave stage performances dressed as a girl during festivals and weddings.
There were some rays of sunshine, like life always throws in the darkest of moments and one of her girl friends supported her. There were a few others who understood, some didn't.
'My mother understood me'
"I told my mother in 2019 that I cannot hold myself anymore and keep up the pretense. I told her that if you don't agree I will commit suicide. My brothers were against it, but my mother understood."
By then, her father had retired and the family had moved to Jharkhand. Alena got admission in a nursing college in Hyderabad.
"After two years at the college, I told the nursing superintendent that I want to change my gender. She was taken aback at first. I confided in her and said that with her support I could convince my parents."
The senior nurse spoke to Alena's parents on the phone.
"She explained to my mom that you cannot put pressure -- what if she runs away or does something because I had stopped eating."
"My mother agreed."
The journey from boy to girl
Alena's sex reconstruction surgery was done in Hyderabad in the same hospital where she was studying to be a nurse.
It cost around 2 lakh rupees and could be paid in installments.
"I asked my mom for the money. I told her you will gift me my life in those 2 lakh.
"She was worried if the operation would be successful or not. I told her that I have to continue my struggle, but now my fight would be as a trans woman. My newly reconstructed body will give me the right to be who I am."
The consent form for the sex reconstruction surgery was signed by her mother and the nursing superintendent.
After the successful operation, Alena took a month-and-a-half to recover. Six months later, a procedure involving botox and silicon was carried out. Laser treatment was used to remove facial hair.
Her nursing classmates looked after her as she recuperated. "I attended classes in a wheelchair and drew strength from some other LGBTQ people who were also in the college."
"I am so grateful to God that I could see a new life."
"Now I feel very proud to stand in front of a mirror and see that I am a woman. I am proud to be known as transgender."
It's a new life
Vicky, a nickname for Vikrant, became Alena.
She went home for the first time as a girl and was very shy about confronting everyone.
"My mother told me you have created a new body for yourself so that you can fight for yourself in this world. This is your strength."
A couple of years later, both her parents passed away and her brothers rejected her.
She could not complete her nursing training and had to drop out of college.
"I had no work and found a transgender friend who helped me move to Bihar in 2021.
"I started doing stage shows and took a place on rent. Then I got a job in an eye hospital."
"When I was a boy people used to shun me, but people respect me after becoming transgender. Every evening I attend a meeting with other women and they all give me such love."
On weekends, she goes to Patna to visit a mall or watch a movie with her friends.
She also performs at births, mehendi and weddings. "People consider us as auspicious and call us to give our blessings. They give saris, grain, fruit, money and ornament as shagun gifts."
When a new restaurant was opened in the village, she says she was called to cut the ribbon.
All her documents -- bank passbook, Aadhar etc -- still have her given name as Vikrant, and Alena has yet to figure out how to change it.
Dressed in a sari, her long hair in a braid, she has a 'Mom Dad' tattoo on her chest.
"I want to complete my nursing course," she says, 'but I am happy now in my being."
She says she would want to work towards bettering her life and perhaps move to Delhi.
The courage with which she has built the life that she wanted on her own in small town India deserves respect and support. It is a victory to be celebrated.
