What Is Love?

Love isn't what has been marketed to us all through our lives.
It is not grand gestures or some big bang waiting to happen; it is an appreciation of what we have and often overlook, notes Aarti David.

What is love?

So many poems have been penned about it, books have been written, and songs composed. But one still can't quite describe what love truly is.

Is love something that naturally flows through our veins?

Are we born with the feeling of love?

Do we only experience it when we feel affectionate toward someone? Or is it a choice we make?

It was a topic we gave the students for an impromptu speech session in one of the classes I teach. And the answers were interesting.

Some felt that relationships are a big responsibility and love falls somewhere in between; someone said that little gestures like asking after someone or informing them of your whereabouts amounted to love.

While one student felt that investing your time and care into a relationship and showing you care meant love.

I asked a few people across age groups and genders to understand what love meant to them.

According to one individual, love is an ineffable emotion, an ocean of inexhaustible flow, like lava from an erupting volcano.

Another said that love is a paradox to her -- it makes you feel full yet light at the same time.

A common belief amongst many was that love is a powerful emotion which pushes us to be a better version of ourselves, where you care deeply for someone, wanting the best for them, knowing they may not reciprocate the feeling, and without any expectations.

Kahlil Gibran encapsulates this beautifully by saying 'Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself, Love possesses not nor would it be possessed: For love is sufficient unto love.'

Two views stood out for me particularly; a teenager said that love is a chemical reaction caused by our evolutionary desire as pack animals to not be alone. This got me thinking.

It is often believed that love is chemistry and that people get together because of a certain pull they feel towards one another. And while that may be true initially, that cannot hold people together for long.

For humans to thrive, they need that emotional connection, that support which comes from being with people they feel extremely close to.

But looking for that one person who would complete us would be silly and even superficial at some level because there is no perfect person; each of us is a product of our imperfections.

Here, the other viewpoint fits in very well; it is a quote from a book called The Silent Patient, which says 'that we often mistake love for fireworks -- for drama and dysfunction. But real love is very quiet, very still.

'It's boring if seen from the perspective of high drama.

'Love is deep, calm, and constant.' While, as people, we crave company and want to cling to one another, what we crave is a safe space where we can just be ourselves.

Love is many things to many people. To me, to love is to be free.

Free -- you may wonder. Isn't love a responsibility?

Shouldn't you feel anchored and committed to another? And if that is the case, how can you be free?

It may seem weird and somewhat odd too. But those we love don't hold us captive. They set us free. They just let us be.

It is not their intention to remodel us in any way. After all, what is it to love?

To love is to surrender oneself no matter what the situation, it is acceptance of others with all their faults and failings. Love is unconditional.

There is a beautiful explanation of love in the Bible, Corinthians 13:4-7.

'Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.

'It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

'Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.'

Throughout our lives, we go through many relationships and experience many versions of love -- parental love, filial love, sibling love, familial love, spousal love, romantic love, platonic love, spiritual/divine love, unrequited love and even obsessive love.

The key thing is that in all its various versions, to love is to give another and find happiness in that of the other.

Be it the love between a parent and child, between family members, siblings, lovers, partners or friends.

It could, however, differ in the case of unrequited love or obsessive love, which may arouse the exact opposite emotion.

In the former, one may be pining for someone who doesn't love us, while the latter is where one wants the other to reciprocate our love anyhow.

There are many instances where obsessive individuals resort to all sorts of unimaginable tactics to get attention and demand love. But the funny thing they don't get or realise is, that love cannot be demanded.

It is something that comes naturally. No amount of coercion can change the way someone feels about us or toward us.

It's not mechanical. And most importantly, it has to be mutual.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the meaning of the word love is a 'strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.'

It is an emotion we feel when we enjoy being around someone. If someone makes us uncomfortable or unhappy, then that cannot be described as love.

It is so important that there be space in the love we feel or give one another.

Smothering or being over-possessive should not be confused with love. We often think that by being overly concerned, we are displaying characteristics of love.

But we forget that we are perhaps stifling those we love with those very actions.

To love, one has to step back, sometimes even remain in the shadows and watch our loved ones fly.

To let them shine and revel in their success, cherish the special moments and also savour the time away.

It is respecting the choices those we love make, even if we don't always agree with them. It is finding joy in what brings them happiness.

Love isn't what has been marketed to us all through our lives. It is not grand gestures or some big bang waiting to happen; it is an appreciation of what we have and often overlook.

It's the small things that give life meaning. Would you agree?

Feature Presentation: Ashish Narsale/Rediff.com