'I'm aware I didn't keep well, I missed some chances and at this level you can't afford to do that no matter how many runs you score.'
With just one half-century in 13 innings, Jos Buttler feared he might be playing in his last Test match, against Pakistan in Manchester, but the wicketkeeper-batsman laid those doubts to rest with a crucial knock under pressure to guide England to a memorable three-wicket win in the series opener at Old Trafford.
Buttler played a cracking innings of 75, as he launched a superb counter-attack to turn the tide with a sixth-wicket stand worth 139 runs with Chris Woakes, who finished unbeaten on 84. At one stage, England looked in serious trouble as they slumped to 117-5 in their pursuit of a daunting 277 on a bowler-friendly pitch.
Lapses with the gloves at Old Trafford only added to the scrutiny around Buttler, with critics calling for his head.
"At times there's been some lonely nights thinking about it. Definitely thoughts go through your head. 'Potentially if I don't score any runs, I've played my last game' - those are the kind of things that are in your head," Buttler said after the win.
"I'm aware I didn't keep well, I missed some chances and at this level you can't afford to do that no matter how many runs you score. You've got to be better, I know that," he was quoted as saying by Sky Sports.
He said he kept believing in himself and was pleased to have made a contribution to the team's cause.
"But you've got to try and shut them out and focus on the here and now and play the situation. I'm pleased that I was able to do that."
Buttler revealed that captain Joe Root reminded him his ability to chase down targets and advised him to take it as a one-day game.
"Joe actually said before, 'remember who you are, you enjoy chasing targets down, try to limit it to a one-day game'," said the 29-year-old.
"A game like today really suited me and suited my eye, in terms of the run chase and breaking it down to more of a one-day game and trying to tick runs off and get us to the finishing line."
I'm chuffed to bits with him: Root on Buttler
England captain Joe Root doffed his hat to Jos Buttler after his beleaguered teammate battled concerns over his father's health and fear of losing his place in the side to engineer a dramatic triumph.
After the match, Buttler avoided any discussion on his father Johnny, who had spent the previous evening in hospital.
However, Root expressed his admiration for his beleaguered teammate's spirit and resilience in trying times.
"It says a huge amount about him as a person to carry that and be able to either use it, or park it – only he will know which way he did that – and to play in that manner was exceptional. To have that external pressure as well, I'm chuffed to bits with him," Root said.
