'I am looking for another career option like modelling.'
Double Asian Games medallist Harmilan Bains revealed that she struggled with depression after missing the Paris Olympic Games because of injury and the setback even forced her to contemplate suicide.
The middle distance runner says she has gotten over the tough phase and is now exploring another career-option like modelling as her athletics career is 'uncertain'.
The 26-year-old Harmilan was one of the stars of the Indian athletics team in the Asian Games in China last year when she won two medals -- a silver each in 800m and 1500m.
She was, however, wrecked by injury the whole of this season, which dashed her hopes of making a serious try for a Paris Olympics berth.
"I really wanted to be in the Paris Olympics and I gave my all. But there was injury after injury and that affected my performance," Harmilan told PTI on Thursday.
"After missing Paris Olympics, I was in depression, I was totally blank, I could not think of anything. Even the thought of committing suicide crossed my mind and I wanted to quit the sport," said Harmilan who is nicknamed 'the queen' as her social media handles carry the same tag.
She is currently suffering from a 'Grade 2B' hamstring tear and admitted that her athletics career is uncertain. She may undergo a surgery and a decision on that will be taken soon.
Earlier in the year, she suffered from an ankle injury (peroneal tendonitis) which took five weeks to heal. In June, she suffered from a hamstring pull which later aggravated after she took part in an event.
"I was so desperate that I wanted to earn points and qualify for the Olympics that I took part in a race (in UK) with an injury. It was Grade 1 hamstring tear initially but now it is Grade 2B, means nearly Grade 3," she said from Mohali.
"I will have another scan and then decide about surgery. In any case, I will not be able to start even normal running (not for competition) for another nine months. So, I will not be able to start competing for a long time."
The series of injuries meant that she could take part in only two events this year before the Olympics. She could not breach the Olympics qualifying mark in 1500m and also failed to make the grade of 45 competitors in Paris through world ranking.
She won the 1500m short track event in the Asian Indoor Athletics Championships in Iran in February. On June 5, she finished second in 1500m in the BMC Gold Standard Races in Birmingham with a time of 4 minute 19.31 seconds.
Harmilans has a personal best of 4:05.39 in 1500m which was a national record till K M Deeksha broke it earlier this year.
Asked if she would mull quitting athletics, she said, "I don't know what will happen but definitely my (athletics) future is uncertain.
"I am looking for another career option like modelling. I can't tell you much about this now but you will know soon," said Harmilans who used to run with a colourful attire and eye-catching hairstyle.
Harmilan was born to run as her first race was when she was inside her mother's womb.
As the famous story goes, her mother Madhuri Singh was three months pregnant with Harmilan when she had to run a 1500m trial in order to keep her job with the Punjab State Electricity Board in the late 1990s.
Madhuri retained her job and few years later she won Asian Games silver medal in the women's 800m in 2002.
Harmilan's father Amandeep Bains is a South Asian Games medallist and a former men's 1500m national champion.
Harmilan emulated her mother by winning a silver in the women's 1500m race and did one better by claiming another medal of same colour in the 800m at the Hangzhou Asian Games.
