Losing an Olympic medal by a few decimal points could be among the most anguishing experiences in life and Arjun Babuta, who missed the bronze in finals of men's 10m air rifle in Paris Games by a whisker, described the moment as if he had lost someone very close.
The Chandigarh-based Babuta, who joined a handful of nearly-there Indian athletes to finish fourth in the Olympics, said the feeling could not be explained in words.
"I did put in the effort (in the run-up to Paris) and I went numb the moment I looked at the screen, which showed I had finished fourth. It felt like I lost somebody very close to me in my life," the 25-year-old rifle marksman told PTI.
"I didn't know how to react. I was crying immediately... I was laughing immediately. I was again crying while talking. So, I really didn't know what to do about it," the India rifle ace, winner of two World Cup gold and a top podium finish in the Asian Championships, said.
"It was not so great feeling. I was deserving (of a medal), I would say," he kept repeating.
Since a very young age, Babuta has been through an entire gamut of hardships — mostly health related — where he had to leave shooting for three years (2018-2020) to tend to his back problem.
One of the biggest health issues that rifle exponents face is in the backbone, which takes a lot of punishment because of the awkward stance of the shooters.
"That was a very difficult phase, for sure. I felt very alone during that time because everybody is (only) there when you are performing well, but only few people are there who support you during your low phase. I was going through the pain of my back injury and my personal life was not great either," the marksman said.
"It was like I had hit rock bottom."
But his mother was a pillar of strength, taking him to Patiala every single day for seven months.
"My mother, she used to travel with me to Patiala from Chandigarh daily for my physiotherapy for seven months. We used to go in the evening around 6pm because the doctor was there from 8 pm onwards. And we used to come back home around 1am... it was a tough phase."
The mind kept reminding Babuta that his redemption was in returning to the 'firing lane' as quickly as possible and he was back in 2020.
"I used to just keep thinking about how to get back to the lane... how I kept my emotions in check while driving the car daily to Patiala from Chandigarh, only I know; how I have overcome that dark phase," said the youngster.
With countless hours spent at the range, Babuta eventually realised his dream of making it to Paris, but he says that had he planned a bit more, he could have won gold.
"I did try my best. So many months went into planning. I would say that this is part of destiny as well (to finish fourth)."
Babuta zeroed in on the reason which led to him finishing fourth and says he will be more careful in upcoming competitions.
"I should have given some more emphasis on equipment check and equipment furnishing. I would say that I did try to get my pellets tested (in Germany and Pune) and all that but I didn't get the chance to practice a lot with those pellets.
"So that is the thing I can work on for my upcoming competitions... to get my pellets tested well in advance and practice with them a lot so that I have clarity about them. I think I would have easily won gold that day (in Paris). I was so focused. I was in a such a great frame of mind during the competition.
"I would say that day and technically also I was just doing great but it was not destined to be that day. But, yeah, I can work on the equipment check and ammunition and all that for the next few competitions. Testing the ammunition and equipment is cumbersome but one has to get used to it."
The World Cup Final is around the corner and Babuta is one of the few Indians competing in the elite year-end tournament. The event is scheduled at the Karni Singh Ranges in New Delhi from October 13.
"There are a few things that I wanted to experiment for a long time. And I got the opportunity to compete in the World Cup Final and looking forward to experiment those, basically approach this competition in a way that I can deliver my best," he added.
