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9/11: Philosophy does not take away the pain

September 16, 2011 08:47 IST

Vasantha Velamuri remembers her husband Sankara Velamuri. George Joseph reports

"I do not understand why people like you died in such a way… That day you were helping others and God has his reward for you. I will always remember you as the one who made me laugh all the time. God bless you and keep you in his care," a person identified only as Julia, wrote on the Legacy guest book for Sankara Velamuri.

Velamuri, who hailed from Andhra Pradesh, was a metallurgical engineer with accounting and finance degrees. He studied Hindu scripture, regularly went to temples and meditated at home. He loved company and good conversation. And September 11 was his birthday.

Like every day, Velamuri, manager and auditor, taxation department, state of New York, travelled from his home in Woodbridge, New Jersey, on the Path train to New York City, with his wife Vasantha, who worked at the New York State Insurance Fund on Church Street, a few blocks away from the World Trade Centre. His office was on the 86th floor of the South Tower.

As they parted, he told her not to call for some time as he had a meeting. They were to meet in the evening for a small birthday celebration that never happened.

Vasantha, who retired from service a few months ago, remembers the loss and the loneliness of the last 10 years:

When somebody dies, people will tell you it is God's will. I have no doubt about it. But to bear the loss is not an easy thing to do. Nothing can replace the loss of your dear ones. Spirituality and positive thinking are good, but not enough to erase the sorrow. I asked God why he gave me this punishment.

When the North Tower was hit, he called and told me not to panic. He said it was an accident. I could see smoke coming out from the WTC. I asked him to leave. He said he couldn't do so.

As the manager, he had to look after his colleagues. We Indians are more conscientious and we will not leave our office without justifiable reasons.

Later, when they reached the 42nd floor, they heard an announcement that there was no need to panic and all should go to their places of work. They went back.

He had been working at the WTC for more than two decades and he knew every nook and corner. He was not afraid. By nature, he was not a timid person.

After the second plane hit, evacuation started in full swing. But he waited for the others to leave. His secretary ran down the stairs with severe burns. She would later us tell how he helped others. 'My boss sent us all out,' she would say. I asked her how could he not come out.

On his way down, he saw a close friend, Yeshvant Tembe, who was working for the New York state department of taxation and finance and helped him and a staff member, Diane Gladstone, to leave. Both were injured grievously.

After that nothing was heard of him. Most of the others in his office escaped. But he did not. My office building felt the shock of the fall of the towers and it was immediately evacuated.

I had to leave without taking my handbag. I walked to the 34th Street station. The train was packed like trains in Mumbai or Kolkata. There were many Indians and they helped me get in. Had they not helped, it would have been difficult to reach home that day.

Though 10 years have gone after the passing of my husband, I feel as if it happened yesterday. The pain does not go away and depression sets in. If we had children, maybe my attention would have gone to other things.

After his death, the help I received from colleagues and others is beyond words. From the commissioner to the lower staff at our office everyone came forward to help me and make me feel comfortable.

This is one of the greatest things I appreciate about this country. The commissioner even visited my home once. They did not want me to retire. But commuting was not easy.

Even after retirement, they help me. They gave me part-time work to keep me busy.

Immediate family members are around or in America, so I don't feel too lonely. Also, spouses like me meet once in a while and share our stories.

But philosophy does not take away the pain. If he died in an accident, it would have been more bearable. Why did God stay silent when all these things happen?

Image: Vasantha Velamuri with a picture of her husband