Why girlfriends are friends

My friend and I were sitting in a café. Wait, let me get that right. My girlfriend and I were sitting in a café, sipping Mochachinos with dollops of whipped cream, and dishing out profound observations about life, work, what single women want, what married women get, so on and so forth.

A guy walked in. A total stranger. "He's weird," my friend said. "You know, not weird weird but exciting weird."

Anyone hearing that remark would have concluded she's weird, but I knew exactly what she meant. And why shouldn't I? After all, that's what girlfriends are all about.

Friendship between women has the usual sharing that is the foundation of any relationship. Sharing of thoughts, feelings, experiences, entire life-stories. There's love, care, support, understanding.

But there's more than that. A unique aspect of women friends is, willingness to talk about literally everything.

I guess it's because there is none of that Harry and Sally stuff, and since they don't consider the Sally and Sally stuff to be much fun, they are free to talk about whatever. Since there is no need for political correctness or social niceties, the list of topics to talk about is endless, and it's all direct, dil se!

That brings us to the big question -- what makes girlfriends tick? When you think about it, you realise a number of ingredients make up this delectable dish.

Heart-to-hearts: These can be across the table, over the phone, with a coffee cup or popcorn in hand, in times of distress or on days of boredom. Basically anytime, anywhere.

These talks are the oxygen that keeps these friendships alive. They include the dissection and vivisection of everything, and we mean everything, under the sun. Right from the convoluted intricacies of petty office politics to burnt dals and overcooked rice to their own sex life -- past, present or non-existent.

Problems are identified, solutions suggested and pearls of  wisdom distributed free of cost. Only a girlfriend can understand the trauma of a white shirt turning off-white or the deep feeling of hurt at finding a 10k email includes 9k of your original message.

Only she will nod in perfect understanding when a friend wants to cry her heart out at a broken relationship, but says, "I can't, it gives me puffy eyes."

Humour: Theirs is a unique brand. It's just the right concoction of clean, toilet, sex, and depressive humours, the potency of each ingredient varying according to the occasion and mood.

Who else but a girlfriend can laugh out loud at something inane and exclaim in the same breath, "That's not funny!"

Together they find humour in the sadness in their lives, then shed a few tears right after, and finally get back to those same lives, feeling infinitely better.

Men: Girlfriends cannot exist without men. That's the bottomline. They may not be able to stand them, and yet they cannot do without them.

Discussing the personality traits of the lower species adds a dash of spice to an insipid conversation. Putting them through the shredder gives a purpose to a ho-hum day. Besides, men have their uses too.

Husbands and in-laws: Rest assured husbands and men are two different species. Men are merely a pain, husbands a class apart. Swapping notes on husbands and their percentage of participation in housework, lending support and understanding, and generally shouldering some responsibility in the marriage is a time-consuming activity.

Then come in-laws. There is no dearth of conversation when girlfriends sit down on this subject. Night flashes by in a wink when married friends get together for a pyjama party.

It's not merely the supreme satisfaction of saying all the things one wants to one's in-laws but cannot, but the solace of having cleansed the soul and the comfort of knowing you are not alone in your suffering that actually goes into making this topic a bonding factor.

Fitness: Girlfriends stick together through thick and thin, flabby arms and thunder thighs -- even, frizzy hair and breaking-out skin. Together they confront the temptation of chocolate mousses and the blandness of boiled veggies like true comrades-in-arms. What more proof of an undying friendship do you need?

The humour and the fun, the gossip and the shredding are merely the tip of the iceberg. There's much more that women share. There's silly laughter and heartfelt tears, meaningful work they do together or just a chat they have -- all indications of the deep trust they have for each other.

Even if the whole world turns its back, these friends will always be there to lend their ear and a perfumed tissue. Doesn't matter whether they've known each other from pigtails to perms, the feeling doesn't die with time.

It's a bond no one can break. Not boyfriends, not husbands, not mothers-in-law.

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh