J D'Souza sums up identity through a favorite beverage 

My favorite beverage and its additive  -- coffee and milk  -- can easily sum up my cultural confusions. I was born to Indian parents in New Jersey, and I was a lot like white coffee: I had the exotic and potent flavor of my parents' Indian culture and the soothing tones of my newly acquired American culture. I grew up eating delectable Indian dishes, hearing colorful Hindi and Konkani phrases, and spending time with other Indian Americans. Because of these experiences, I consider myself a fully flavorful and thoroughly caffeinated beverage, despite having the sweet smoothness of another substance.

School, however, caused me to realize how wrong this assumption was. I did not fit in with my fellow 'milkmates'. When my peers turned up their noses at my spicy Indian entr�es and typical Indian mannerisms, I began to notice how different I was from them. I looked for solace in the dark roast of my Indian heritage, but the flavor that had once comforted me now burned me.

My lack of concrete knowledge of the culture and my failure to match the stereotype of the typical Indian kid made me 'instant coffee', a cheap imitation, and the Indians that I knew made that very clear to me.

I felt lonely and confused. I was too pungent among Americans and too gentle among Indians, and I believed that I had to choose one. I made a serious effort to assimilate among Americans. I treated my being the 'flawed' Indian, the instant coffee, as a big joke. I lived my life with carefree ease, blending the two flavors while favoring the sweet. If anyone had asked me which culture I preferred, I would have instantly claimed my American one.

Yet I could not help feeling a bit guilty. When my mother talked about raising my brother in India, I felt as though I was to blame. When my father's face grew somber as I claimed that I was the "anti-Indian," I wondered if I was becoming too extreme.

And, late at night, as I thought about the two countries and flavors that comprised my heritage, I could not help feeling empty and fake. While I loved milk, I felt as though I needed more caffeine. And while I proudly claimed milk as my own, I felt as though something was missing.

As I matured, I found an outlet that helped me delve further into the flavor that had once burned me: I began to watch Hindi Bollywood movies. These Indian movies, with their wonderful scenery and their sonorous songs, made me feel a little bit less like instant coffee and a little bit more like a strongly caffeinated beverage.

But something was still absent, something that eluded me for months. I finally realized that, though I loyally watched Bollywood movies, I could not speak the language in which they were. Being interested in linguistics and the type of person who solves problems all the way through, I began to teach myself Hindi. This beautiful language has shown me that everything will be okay.

My cultural confusion has taught me powerful lessons. I have learned that an uncomfortable situation can be overcome in unexpected ways. And, on a more personal note, I have learned that I never had to choose one culture when middle ground was available. I would now describe myself as flavored coffee: I have the strong caffeine of India, just enough milk, and my own unique flavor that let me find a good balance.     

J D'Souza, 17, studies at Middletown High School South, New Jersey