I am 23 years old. I have a good job with a multinational corporation. I'm efficient at my work. I earn a handsome salary. I am interesting to talk to, and I think I do make a few heads turn when I pass by -- not because I am fat, but because I am attractive. I weigh 54 kg. I weighed the same when I was 12. And when I was 18. Yes, I was FAT! Compared to the girls who are hopelessly lanky, who deprive themselves of good food in the craze to be slim, who weigh 30-odd kilos but will never let pass a chance to say 'My God, I have been hogging like a pig and I am FAT' -- well, compared to them, yes, I am still fat. But I really don't care. Rather I care for them. Because I know they will soon be in big, big trouble. I started having a complex about my weight when I was eight. I was then not in a position to analyse why I was a subject of ridicule. I don't blame the kids who called me 'drum', 'Dunlop', 'Ceat' and all the other little names they reserve for people like me. What would they know? But people around me, of my age and older, to this day they do just that! That hurts. Don't we know we are fat? Of course we do! And we are bothered about it like no one else can be. So what's your concern? Oh, don't tell me it's 'concern'! I can count just four people who have told me, yes, you are fatter than you should be, you must do something about it. Believe me, I have thanked them all. I remember them when I recall my 'fat' days. It is such concern that will help people like me to lose weight. Not the painful, killing comments people pass at you in the name of fun. They do not realise that while they have their fun and pass those not-intended-to-hurt comments, they do irreparable damage to young minds. They give people like me an inferiority complex. An effect of such comments is that the victim puts on an act. 'I don't care how I look', 'I don't care what I eat' and 'I care a damn about my weight' are all springboards for us to move away from the humiliation we feel. You who have fun, don't you ever think twice before saying that? Don't you realise that every time you say that, you practically murder a person's self? What's worse, most often than not such comments are passed in public -- and that, let me tell you, adds 10 times to our hurt. This is a request to all of you. Please don't do it, please don't kill another's self worth for your amusement. I still remember my classmate in school. He made my life miserable with his comments, which often crossed the borders of decency. It was his offensive remarks that made me take up the challenge of losing weight. In the process I lost my health too. I resorted to a cruel diet -- no, call it starvation. And a frightening amount of exercise. I'm not the same old person now. I have lost my physical strength, my immunity towards common illnesses. I fall sick often because of the nutritional deprivation I forced on myself when I was growing up. While in school the boy I am talking about must have weighed somewhere between 30 and 40 kg, the normal weight for a 13-year-old. Today he is 23. And he weighs at least 90 kg. If that's not one of life's little ironies, I don't know what is. Be sure Pallavi will not let her weight get the better of her. Illustration: Uttam Ghosh Tell us what you think of this diary Be part of an exciting venture! Write a Diary!
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