A dull Tuesday afternoon.

I am at the Regal Room of Hotel Oberoi Towers, chasing a dream.

Namely, Aishwarya Rai.

Ash, any journalist will tell you, is pretty tough to pin down. She would be here shortly, at the 16th Priyadarshni International Awards function, to pick up the Smita Patil Memorial Award for the best actress.

Before I started off, the Big E -- that's my editor, folks -- had briefed me. "You," he said, "You go after A-I-S-H-W-A-R-Y-A R-A-I!"

"This is not Mission Difficult, this is Mission Impossible!" I had shot back, borrowing shamelessly from my current favourite flick.

"I bet even Ethan Hunt would reckon rescuing virus Chimera far simpler than getting an interview with the light-eyed beauty!'

Of course, I said all that to myself. The Big E, I knew, didn't take insubordination lightly, and I wasn't really keen on losing my job right away.

Anyway, that's how I am now waiting for the lady. Around me, members of the la-di-la crowd are refreshing themselves from squeaky-clean chinaware. There are television crews and cameras floating around. The paparazzi, the glitteratti, everyone seems to be here. No sign of Miss Rai, though

There she is! In a sequinned peach-coloured churidar. Heavy makeup cakes her face. Hmm, with all that camouflage, she doesn't look all that beautiful.

Not on her face alone do I find imperfections today. The Regal Room too carries its share. Frankly, it looks more like a public school hall celebrating Teacher's Day. Of the 12 chandeliers, three produce no light. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with things such, but in a five-star hotel?

I guess the organisers are hoping that Ash's electrifying presence would cover up the fault.

Thankfully, the function begins without much ado. It looks like it is going to go on forever -- but my prayers sort of contain it.

The object of fascination through all the boring speeches is, yes, the highly photogenic Ash. The cameramen keep their focus tight and sharp on her. And the lady, poor thing, what with all those glass eyes on her, somehow manages a graceful smile throughout.

No wonder then that when her name is announced she rushes to the stage. I can see her mouthing 'Let's get it over with' -- well, almost!

Whistles, cheers, claps.

A general atmosphere of celebration takes over. In wafts the strains of a song from Taal, Ash's super-hit movie, as she takes the mike.

"Honorable members of the board, the academy, members of the media and distinguished guests," purrs she, "I'm overwhelmed and humble at the same moment because here I stand in this very room with everyone of you having lives enriched by so much of experience, far more than I can ever talk about.

"And here I stand at this great moment, blessed by this moment, to be the recipient of such an honour. I cannot tell you how much I cherish this, how much this moment means to me. I regard this as a sign of your blessing, your good wishes and your good will that has brought me so far and I hope to retain this with all my honest and earnest sincerity."

The speech comes out in a rush... as if she has mugged it all up. Well, maybe she has -- but it would have been nice if she had included a word or two about the late Smita Patil, to whose memory the award is dedicated!

Having said that bit, I must also admit that it is Ash's presence that saves the function.

She is, despite the makeup, like a rose in a desert -- and, folks, it really is as dry, is this ceremony.

There is a press conference after the function. Ash will be there. Maybe she will take a liking to my cute face, offer me an interview and also recommend my name to Subhash Ghai...

No such luck. Ten minutes after receiving the honour, I see Ash rushing towards her car. Accompanying her is a hairdresser, security guards, hordes of photographers and a massive, autograph-hungry crowd.

I chase her. But a sea of people is there before me. It is impossible for a non-swimmer to brave such tides...

Ah, well, that's life. You win some, you lose some.