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Want to be an asli mard? Click here!
If you really want to be macho, there are many lessons to be learnt from Bollywood's recent releases, writes Paloma Sharma.
With R... Rajkumar and Bullett Raja releasing on consecutive Fridays, there’s a whole lot of morals of the story being dished out at the box office.
Romeo Rajkumar of R... Rajkumar and Raja Misra of Bullett Raja will teach you how to be the not-so-tall, not-so-dark and subjectively handsome asli mard that you always thought you were the moment the first hair sprouted on your underarms.
Boys, take notes.
If you really want to be macho, here are four pillars of ishtud-hood:
1. The Highlights
So you’re swaggering down the road in front of the local mandir on a hot afternoon, chewing that sinfully juicy pan with one hand holding your large belt buckle but none of the vendors take you seriously when you ask them to cough up the money that they owe you for protecting them (from yourself)?
Never fear.
Run to the latest beauty parlour... erm... men’s saloon and get yourself some carefully styled streaks -- the blonder, the better.
It is impossible to be a local rowdy without having your lovely locks looking so very chic. Just ask Saif Ali Khan -- they paid more attention to his hair than to his acting in Bullett Raja.
But in defense of the Bullett Raja team, something had to show range.
Click Next to read more.
The buttons
Since every local-bad-boy-with-a-good-heart is so busy pulling triggers and grabbing hookers, it is completely understandable how their hands are never free. They just don’t have the time (or the mommy) to button up their shirts.
A t-shirt may work too, if it shows off perfectly chiseled male mammaries that were formed from a strict diet of local liquor and food from the local ‘Chainiss Corner’?
Man-cleavage is the new biceps.
The girls
Note how the 'girl' has an 's'?
That’s because being faithful is just not what an asli mard does.
Like Rajkumar and Raja Misra, you may profess your undying love to one girl (usually played by Sonakshi Sinha) but that does not mean you don’t go shaking your tooh to sleazy item songs with barely clad dancers (note: it is important that you try to forget that they’re paid to pretend to like you).
Once you’re covered on that front, you’ve got to find a girl who has enough psychological issues to think that the fact that you follow her around town and try to get beaten up just to get touched by her, is romantic and not creepy.
Once you find both these girls, make sure they never meet each other and that neither of them files a harassment complaint against you.
If you can manage that, you’re good to go on the arm-candy front.
The bike
Remember those advertisements of big, powerful motorbikes which tell you that to be a ‘real man’ you need to have one of those bikes?
If Rajkumar and Raja Misra are to be taken seriously, then so are those adverts.
You can’t be an asli mard without pulling some wheelies on your bike.
Speed is essential and you’re not going to get it sitting on your tau’s bullock cart. Plus, when you get kicked out of your 11th job in 37 days, the bike can be of great help.
Even if you never succeed at being the unquestioned overlord of your 6x10 kholi, you always have the bike to help you get a job as a pizza delivery boy.
It’s not so bad.
Employees get discounts.