The Ten Worst Hindi Films Of 2011

Now, for the rotten eggs.

The year 2011 in Bollywood witnessed a giant wave of bad films. Ranging from obscure to anticipated, some were more appalling than the rest. And while I narrowly escaped a few, fortune didn't favour me all through the year.

Here's my selection of 10 lousy films from this notorious lot.

Thank You

I have immense patience for bad cinema. But director Anees Bazmee's Thank You begs for a whole new species of phenomenal fortitude to be able to sit through this tripe.

Unless Sonam Kapoor's wardrobe is the reason you buy tickets, there's nothing remotely redeemable about this submissive joke that treats women like dispensable doormats while men are reduced to tongue-wagging womanizers.

Why do you do this to yourself, Akshay Kumar?

Read Rediff review here! 

The only people amused with the contents of Ready are the people in the film.

Yet another nugget from Anees Bazmee's stock of inane, Ready reeks of such extremes in tasteless humour it makes Salman Khan's other release this year, Bodyguard look forgivable in comparison.

Sample this: Main kutta hoon. Yeh meri kutiya hai. Bow wow.

Need I say more? 

Read Rediff review here!

For director Abhinay Deo, 2011 turned into the best of times and the worst of times.

Before he wowed us with Delhi Belly; he made his debut in the crummy whodunit Game. This overtly stylized murder mystery is so obsessed with looking good; it forgoes everything else that constitutes a film.

Game zooms between Turkey, Greece, Thailand, and England dragging its painfully staid hero, Abhishek Bachchan to establish a suspense that is so outmoded, it's actually stupid.

Read Rediff review here!

You know what's unfunny, grating and offensive? 

Rascals.

Let me quote myself: 'Unless making light of poverty, charity, handicap or a sexed-up version of Andaz Apna Apna meets Jodi No 1 meets Deewana Mastana meets Bluffmaster is your idea of a joke, those laugh lines won't budge.'

Cannot say the same about your nerves though for Rascals leaves you with a severe case of exasperation.

Read Rediff review here!

When I saw the trailer, my jaw fell on the floor.

When I watched the film, I struggled to keep my eyes open. Even with disbelief.

Until 7 Khoon Maaf, filmmaker Vishal Bhardwaj did no wrong but here he does and how. And while I am certain Ruskin Bond's short story felt striking on paper, on screen it translates to 148 minutes of futile purpose and excruciating monotony.

After the third murder, Priyanka Chopra's one-note Susanna is no different from a gun-toting hit man in a mindless action flick bumping off one better half after another.

Read Rediff review here!

Spoiler alert. Rocco and Hunter are two London-based Indian boys. They lose their jobs courtesy recession.

The less educated one convinces the more educated one to take up work as male escorts. After a bunch of stripping sessions to the tune of Pritam's lackluster soundtrack, Rocco and Hunter realise this was always their true calling.

But then the girls come in and spoil the party.

Now what? The less educated one decides to become fully educated whereas the more educated guy sets out to win his displeased girlfriend. Less desi, more Dhawan, get it?  I don't.

Read Rediff review here!

Usually a film transpired by true-life events bears a certain responsibility to blend facts and fiction with a fair amount of authenticity.

Ram Gopal Varma's Not A Love Story takes the sensationalist route, alternating between provocative imagery of blood and gore as well as the camera's voyeuristic need to explore its heroine Mahie Gill's anatomy from every conceivable angle.

Welcome to exploitative filmmaking at its lowest.

Read Rediff review here!

I began watching Mausam on September 24. I finished watching Mausam on September 25.

Oh okay, so it was a late night show. Point is Pankaj Kapur's directorial debut indeed feels like eternity. For all its delicately composed frames and flawless lighting, Mausam is a hollow, overlong drag of a romance trying too hard to pass off for a sweeping saga of star-crossed lovers.

But what really gets your goat are the final 30 minutes. There's a riot. There's a horse. There's a giant wheel. And, after a prolonged session of unintended hilarity, there's The End.

Read Rediff review here!

A wannabe sex comedy? A dumbed-down rom-com?

Madhur Bhandarkar takes a break from his formulaic woman-oriented vehicles to dabble in naughty but the outcome is anything but nice.

The aesthetically-challenged Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji is crammed with too many lousy actors and excessively repugnant humour to be taken seriously. 

Read Rediff review here!

Stealing from Ocean's Eleven and Mission Impossible isn't Don the thief's only crime.

Farhan Akhtar's follow-up to the equally incompetent remake of the snazzy original starring Amitabh Bachchan boasts of swank production values and a refreshingly wicked Shah Rukh Khan only to bungle it up so bad with a lazily-written script that loses focus faster than SRK does away with his stubble.

Don 2 relies on borrowed thrills, sloppy pace and an uninspired supporting cast that makes this dawdling action thriller a terribly substandard experience.

Read Rediff review here!