New Year Resolutions for SRK, Salman, Sonam!

A New Year is synonymous with fresh beginnings and sparkling resolutions.

For some, it's about paying a bomb to enroll in a swish gym till enthusiasm lasts. For others, it's about kicking an unhealthy habit on a temporary basis while the more perceptive take on meaningful projects and goals.

We think Bollywood and its incorrigible inhabitants, too, could do with some introspection and reform.

So let's, for fun's sake, assume that these superstars are actually capable of looking beyond their inflated egos and obvious blunders to make these incredibly candid New Year Resolutions.

What would they be? Here, rediff.com does the needful -- a tongue-in-cheek compilation of 10 Bollywood celebrities and their imaginary promises for 2013.   

Shah Rukh Khan: My Name is Khan and I am not a fighter cock.

In 2013, I'll be a good boy and promote the message of unknown concepts like humility to dazzle the media (who love me) and my fans (who love me even in Ra.One) with my flawless, pacifist behavior and not abuse security guards or filmmakers (no matter how shoddy their films) in public or private functions.

In 2013, I'll be more creative with my masala fillums and sign at least one action movie that doesn't open with me doing a slow-motion introduction scene.

Who am I kidding?

Ek baar maine commitment kardi, forgot already?

In 2013, I'll pay back for all my sins like Rowdy Rathore, Housefull 2 and Khiladi 786 and some more that I've already started work on by producing more solid films like Oh My God with Paresh Rawal in the lead and not show my face till post-interval unless need be.

In 2013, I'll stop proving how proud I am of my curves by projecting myself bigger than I really am in those hideously overwhelming Abu Jani-Sandeep Khosla ensembles my dear family SO loves to endorse.

In 2013, I will stop striking ridiculous poses with animals, computer-generated or real, to look cool and hurt the sentiments of those who loved me in Zakhm, Omkara and The Legend of Bhagat Singh.

Fine, I'll try and see a dentist.

But I cannot promise that. 

In 2013, I'll give up my lazy hairstyling and quit frustrating fashion critics with my consistently BORING loosely-left mane to look like the style icon these fools keep on voting me.

Doesn't matter if it's in English, Vinglish, Spanish or Swahili, I will immediately sign a brand new film and it'll be like 1980s all over again. 

Be afraid, be very afraid Madhuri. Muhahahaha.