Don't get on this Train

Every superhero has a gift. He can turn invisible. He can fly. He can spin a web.

Emraan Hashmi is definitely not a superhero. But the man has lips. And these lips sell. So film after film, the audience is subjected to kiss after kiss.

Can you imagine a movie whose first half is dedicated only to kissing? He smooches his wife then another man's wife. This overdose of passion gets nauseating and overbearing after a point.

The Train promises to be a thriller, but in truth it's a drag; a lackluster and sluggish screenplay ripped off from Hollywood's Derailed.

Not that the Clive Owen-Jennifer Aniston-Vincent Cassel starrer was anything worth writing home about. Truth be told, Derailed was awful. It was predictable and dreary with drab chemistry between its lead stars. It's only redeeming factor? Why, Owen, of course. The Closer star can make standing on an elevator look interesting.

Hashmi doesn't have Owen's charisma but he tries to make his fickle character as credible as possible. Now if only the filmmakers weren't preoccupied capitalising on his kissing abilities.

Set in Bangkok, Thailand, The Train revolves around Vishal Dixit (Hashmi), an advertising chap living a fairly tense existence with pretty wife, Anjali (Sayali Bhagat) owing to problems concerning their diabetes afflicted daughter, Nikki.

While their marriage (read sex life) crumbles under excessive stress, Vishal finds himself lusting over a woman he bumped into a train compartment. Roma (Geeta Basra) appears to be in the same boat as him. A doting mother albeit neglected wife, she longs to be with that special someone.

The duo embarks on an adulterous path. But before their relationship can be consummated at a cheap motel, they are attacked by an unknown enemy (Aseem Merchant, he's so hammy it hurts). Vishal is badly beaten up. Roma is brutally raped. Blackmail is next on this fiend's agenda. If you have seen Derailed, you'll be inflicted with non-stop déjà vu of the unpleasant kind. Though some of its interesting moments, during the climax, involving fraud and double cross, are altered or omitted in the rehash.

If you haven't seen Derailed, you'll notice fresh flaws in The Train. Like just how India-friendly Bangkok is. There are more Indians than Thais to be found in offices and clubs.

Also, it's amazing how K Raj Kumar's camera manages to make the Thai capital look jaded. You might also receive a free tutorial on bad acting (Bhagat), over acting (Aseem Merchant, Rajat Bedi) and non-acting (Anant Mahadevan) in the span of this two-hour plus movie.

The only time you'll probably rejoice is when Mithoon's soulful songs Beete lamhein and Woh ajnabee show up on screen. 

While Emraan looks suitably hassled, except during the steamy sequences, it is one his more controlled performances. His leading ladies range between good and bad.

Newcomer Sayali Bhagat, a former Miss India World, is obviously easy on the eyes. But her wooden body language, conscious dialogue delivery and inability to convey a single emotion is up to no good.

The other heroine, Geeta Basra fares somewhat better. Armed with confidence and verve, Basra impresses. Even so her clothes and make-up are in dire need of assistance.

The basic flaw of The Train is that it neither has enough juice to sustain itself as a thriller nor the dynamics to engage.

What it does have is director duo Raksha Mistry and Hasnain Hyderabadwala attempting a patchy job of re-producing an already faulty product. (The two previously achieved the same with The Killer (Irrfan Khan, Hashmi), a terribly tampered version of Michael Mann's sleek Collateral)

When the original is no good, can the imitation be any better? You are better off not boarding this Train.

Rediff Rating: