I could give you a rundown on the story.
Or I could probably tell you about the wonderfully melodious songs, the awesome display of acting talent, the brilliant direction in Love In Nepal.
As it happens, none of that would be true.
Sonu Nigam has a lot of talent in the singing department. I am still humming the Kal Ho Naa Ho number with him. And though he's making a effort to come across as a genuine actor (after the debacle of his first as a lead actor, Kaash... Aap Hamare Hote), even he seems to have given up on this sad, mixed-up tale.
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Making her debut as a feisty, snobbish ad woman is Fllora Saini. She is the newly appointed vice president of operations for the company where Sonu Nigam works as creative head.
They are exact opposites and are, therefore, meant to attract. The wild outrageous Mr Flirt, Abby (Abhivav Sinha), falls for the disciplined, unsmiling Ms Pout, Maxi (Meenaxi Malhotra). It would have probably worked but they aren't Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. Leave alone sparks, there isn't even a little tame spray.
So, a few hours into watching, I'm wondering: I've seen enough of Nepal. What about the love? I must have missed it when I blinked my eyes.
Anyway, creative ad boy meets vice president girl. They shoot (not each other, but an ad film) in Nepal. They nearly drown. Love blossoms. Dance happens. Another woman enters scene. Jealousy sets in. And just when you're screaming for the interval, Abby screams murder.
There you have it. Before you can say Love In Nepal, you now have to deal with murder. That's when the action goes berserk with Abby and Maxi trying to evade murderers, drug dealers, police and a rotund guy called Gajee, who thinks Abby has something to do with the missing maal, since Abby spent the night in the room of the murdered woman.
Confused? Don't be. As I said before, you don't have to worry about the story.
There are a few bright sparks to make up for the ones missing between the two lead actors. One in the form of Tony, the drug lord, played by Vijay Raaz. Always a pleasure to watch but quite wasted in the film. And the other, Rajpal Yadav, as a Nepali guide. Yadav does a rather admirable version of the Nepali accent and almost succeeds till the climax, when he loses it completely.
Saini doesn't have to do much in her role, except look angry when she crosses path with Abby. But all that comes out are weird noises. A few acting lessons might help here.
If you think the songs will pep you up, you are mistaken. Whether it is the seduction number (courtesy: Nepalese actress Jharana Bajracharya), or the one with the 'writhing bodies in the club' number, I was left pretty cold.
The funniest joke in the movie is one between two villains. One asks the other how a ghost can be identified.
Villain no 1 answers that their legs are turned backwards.
Villain no 2 asks: Which manufacturers' shoes do ghosts wear then?
Villian no 1 thinks and replies: TABA!
All in all, a rather lukewarm affair. Despite all the promises to sizzle, the whole act leaves you a little cold in the end. You could, of course, blame it on the plunging temperatures in Nepal.
