'Very important for me to show my characters as respectful towards women'

Qarib Qarib Singlle turned 4 this week.
Subhash K Jha recalls his conversations with Irrfan, its male lead, and Sutapa Sikdar, the film's producer and Irrfan's wife.

You may know her as Mrs Irrfan Khan, but Sutapa Sikdar is a talented writer and producer.

She co-produced her husband's film Qarib Qarib Singlle which clocked four years on November 10.

And Irrfan was very proud of her.

In an interview with me after the film' release, Irrfan had said, "Sutapa has done it all on her own. I am just an actor in the film. My character in Qareeb Qareeb Singlle is... annoying, borderline obnoxious. But he is also a decent human being who respects women and beats up anyone who disrespects them. I had to play him as a coarse, even crass, man. But still a decent man.

"It is very important for me to show my characters as respectful towards women. When I read the script Yogi came across as someone loud in dress manner and conversation," Irrfan had said.

"The kind of attention-seeker who makes you cringe. I had to find the basic core of humanism in him and work my way around that."

Irrfan liked the way Qarib Qarib Singlle portrayed the female protagonist.

"It is a bright rom-com and I like what it has to say about the courtship stage of a relationship when everything is bright and rosy and glowing between the couple when both the people in love with each other are on their best behaviour.

"It is the most hopeful stage of a relationship and according to me, the best part of a man-woman relationship. Later possessiveness, jealousy, anxiety and insecurities creep into a relationship and cause its downfall."

After Mira Nair (The Namesake), Irrfan got to work with another lady director Tanuja Chandra in Qarib Qareeb Singlle.

Irrfan disagreed with the contention that women are more sensitive to the nuances of the man-woman relationship.

"In Tigmanshu Dhulia's Sahib Bibi Aur Gangster Returns the Bibi's part was one of the best written for a female actor," Irrfan said. "Film-makers like Raj Khosla and Vijay Anand understood women as well as women directors, if not better. And it was a man (Shailendra) who wrote Katon se kheench ke yeh aanchal for Waheeda Rehman in Guide. It is the ultimate anthem of women's liberation."

"Actually, this is the second film of my husband where I am a producer," Sutapa had said then. "Earlier I had produced Madari. But for Qarib Qarib Singlle I must say I've been far more hands-on. I did everything on my own. It' been exhausting, but an enriching experience."

Sutapa set aside her own ambitions to raise their two sons while husband Irrfan was working.

"I guess in a way that makes me less of a feminist than some women would like it to be," Sutapa had said. "I am okay with that. In fact, I don't want to be labelled a feminist. I'd rather define my identity in the way that I am most comfortable with. I think we need to stop stereotyping women."

"A lot of this image-building of women is based on consumerist theories... women who smoke, talk loudly or abuse are 'liberated'. No thanks, then I am not liberated," Sutapa declared. "Size 0 is not liberating. It is anorexic."

• Goodbye, Irrfan Khan

Feature Presentation: Rajesh Alva/Rediff.com