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'Aishwarya looks good but is a horrible actress'

When stand-up comedian Russell Peters said, 'Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad' in one of his famous comic routines, he actually meant it.

His sidesplitting humour makes his fans laugh their guts out.

The funnyman was in top form while promoting his film Speedy Singhs in the city.

Russell talks about Bollywood and the concept of comedy in a freewheeling chat with Sonil Dedhia.

'I dont know who Salman Khan is'

Your thoughts on Aishwariya Rai?

She is pregnant right now so I wont say anything nasty, as her hormones are crazy. (Laughs)

In an earlier interview you said Aishwarya looks good but is a horrible actress?

But that's true. Just like the sky is blue. She looks beautiful but she is a horrible actress.

And what do you think about Abhishek Bachchan?

I know he is Aishwarya's husband and his father is a biggest star ever and I would even put him (Amitabh Bachchan) above Al Pacino and Robert De Niro as far as the star status is concerned. Wouldn't it suck to be his kid. You know how much pressure that is?

Your favourite Bollywood film?

I have never seen one. No, I saw Singh is Kinng until Akshay started dancing and singing on the first song in the movie and then I stopped watching it.

Describe the following personalities in one word?

Aamir Khan: Dk head

Shah Rukh Khan: Nice guy

Salman Khan: Don't know who he is

'I like to make my women cream with splendour.'

When did you realise that you were famous?

I think if you realise that you are famous then, my friend, the game is over for you.

What adjective would your best friend use to describe you?

They call meDk Head. (Laughs out loud).

What would you do if you get up in the morning and realise that you are a woman?

I would probably go and finger-b--g myself.

How do you like your coffee/women/men?

I am definitely not interested in men at any level. I like my coffee with cream and splendour and I like to make my women cream with splendour.

'In the comedy game you never fail'

What did you dream about last night?

I didn't get much sleep last night so I dreamt about catching up with some sleep. (Smiles)

What do you do when you are not doing comedy?

I play with my daughter, go to the gym and also do some boxing.

Was there any time when one of your jokes fell flat and you didn't know what to do?

Well, in the comedy game, which I am in for the last 22 years, you never fail. Once you go up on that stage you can just sail through. I think that's what keeps me going.  

'Real thing make me laugh'

What is Speedy Singhs about?

Its about 90 minutes. (Laughs)

And?

You asked me what is Speedy Singhs all about and I told you its about 90 minutes. (Laughs again)

Are Speedy Singhs fast on ice or fast in bed?

They are probably fast in bed. I am not in the Speedy Singhs team. I am in Speedy Singhs movie where my character is an antagonist and is against the whole team.

How did you put on so much weight?

Where have I put on weight. Are you talking about my picture on the poster of Speedy Singhs. I shot for the movie 1 year back. I have a flat stomach. How are you skinny and fat? That's what I want to know

What makes Russell Peters laugh?

Real thing make me laugh. People falling down... etc (Laughs). Jokes don't me laugh.