'As we grow older, we fight much less with each other.'
'The magic mantra is 'Drop it!''
'I would recommend it for all relationships.'
'In anger, we can say many hurtful things that can leave a deep scar, so dropping it is the healthy way of preventing that from happening.'
Seventy plus and she is as sprightly as ever. Actors half her age are not as busy as Shabana Azmi, who has just wrapped up a film, Bun Tikki, produced by Manish Malhotra and directed by Faraz Ansari, in which her pairing with Zeenat Aman has already evoked a lot of interest.
Dabba Cartel, the Web series she is doing with Excel Entertainment, is also scheduled to wrap up, after which she starts prepping for a new film which goes on the floors in February.
She is still receiving accolades for her work in Shekhar Kapur's What's Love Got to Do With It?, Karan Johar's Rocky Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahani and R Balki's Ghoomer.
"2023 was a satisfying year, work-wise," she admits.
But this interview is not so much about her professional achievements; it's very personal.
The love of her life, husband Javed Akhtar, turns 79 on January 17, and Shabana tells Rediff.com Senior Contributor Roshmila Bhattacharya, "Even after 39 years of marriage, I double over with laughter because he is so funny."
What plans to bring in Javedsaab'S birthday?
Some dear friends are hosting a small dinner for him because our house is broken down for renovations.
Which birthday, so far, has been the most fun?
I think the most memorable birthday was his 70th.
It was a lunch at Sukoon (their bungalow in Khandala) and there was live singing by Shankar Mahadevan, Sonu Nigam, Sona Mahapatra and several others.
Finally, they all came together and sang Kal Ho Na Ho with so much love and respect that there was not a dry eye left.
A birthday gift he has always cherished?
I'm not one for giving presents on special days.
If I think he would like something, I'll pick it up irrespective of the occasion.
My friends have got used to my not giving anything under pressure.
I love sweetly scented flowers, all Indian ones like mogra, sonchampa,juhi, chameli, sontakka and rajnigandha.
The first thing I do in the morning is rearrange the flowers, pick out the dead leaves, while Javed is reading eight morning newspapers.
On the other hand, he has this big thing about my birthday.
He insists on it being celebrated and spends a lot of time choosing a gift for me.
A gift you treasure...
We were at an exhibition of Salvador Dali in London and there was a sculpture that I really liked, a famous one on melting time.
Without my knowledge, Javed went through great lengths to procure it.
On my birthday, he gave it as a gift for me with his poem Waqt written in his handwriting and left them for me in the study.
It is my most favourite possession.
But the reason I love him is because I find him extraordinarily intelligent, sensitive, compassionate and witty.
Even after 39 years of marriage, I double over with laughter because he is so funny.
Let us flashback to your first meeting with him...
I can't even remember that.
His parents were friends of my family.
He remembers coming to the commune of the Communist Party where we lived until I was nine years old.
Has Javdedsaab ever dedicated a sher to you?
I've talked about this earlier too, but it's so beautiful that it begs a re-mention.
Once we were passing by a flower shop and I said, "What beautiful flowers!"
Javed stopped the car and bought all the flowers in the shop.
The car was overflowing with flowers and I was almost buried amongst them.
A couple of days later, we had a fight and stopped talking.
He sent me a sher, 'Usi makaam par kal mujhko dekhkar tanha, bahut udaas huye phool bechnewale.'
Despite my mother (Shaukat Kaifi) warning me to beware of poets because they can mesmerise you with their words (having had an experience with her husband Kaifi Azmi, the legendary poet), I fell for Javed, totally and completely.
What qualities does he share in common with your father?
Both are feminists and they belong to the same world view.
Both are from UP, have a great sense of Lucknowi tehzeeb and propriety.
Both are deeply interested in politics and Urdu poetry.
And both would rather have UP ka khana rather than experiment with local cuisine.
Yours is a marriage rooted in dosti. What makes Javedsaab a good friend?
He is my 'go to' friend.
As we grow older, we fight much less with each other.
The magic mantra is 'Drop it!'
I would recommend it for all relationships.
In anger, we can say many hurtful things that can leave a deep scar, so dropping it is the healthy way of preventing that from happening.
When we are calmer, more receptive and less defensive, it's much easier to speak about it and iron things out.
My friends keep saying it's impossible, but trust me, with practise you can achieve it.
In every relationship and not just with your spouse.
Is there something about him that you wish you could change?
I don't think any relationship can be totally perfect.
Life is a package deal, you have to accept the person in totality.
I'm sure Javed feels the same about me.
The things about him that I would change are so surface and so trivial that they don't deserve a mention.
He may be 79 today, but Javedsaab will always be the youngest, most engaging, person in the room. What makes him an evergreen Peter Pan?
His interest in life: he is both an observer and a participant.
He has an incredible memory and is a terrific raconteur.
He is interested in history, politics, physics, poetry. music, writing, sports and films. He has an ever-curious mind.
What people know less about him is that he is a compassionate person and tears up easily by decency and people who hold onto dignity in their adversity.
There is little that he hasn't done yet. Is there something you would like to see Javedsaab experiment with this year?
He came here to be a director.
I would love to see Javed direct a film.
Among his books, which one would you want to end the day with and why?
Tarkash. It continues to touch me deeply.
He has this art of turning his pain and hurt into irony rather than wallow in them.
Hum na samjhe the baat itni si khwab sheshe ke.
Duniya paththar ki...
If you could dedicate a couplet to him on his birthday it would be...
Tum ho to gaata hai dil
Tum nahin to geet kahan...
Tum ho to hai sab haasil,
Tum nahin to kya hai yahan...
Tum ho to hai sapnon ke jaisa haseen ek sama.
