In today's corporate world, none of this would fly with shareholders, at least not in the way Dasher and Prancer and the gang do. It makes one wonder when considering some key points in C-suite talk today, Would Santa Claus really be any good to anyone as chief executive?
In a world lacking solid business leadership, we look to the North Pole for an answer, a bastion of hope to straighten out the misguided top brass in business. We're sent to 34th Street inside Macy's flagship store on Black Friday, the heaviest shopping day of the year in the U.S., and the first appearance in Claus' annual month-long marketing campaign.
The jolly fat guy in the red suit was on one end of the store doing his thing--making promises and guffawing. Macy's CEO Terry Lundgren was on the other side, smiling and meeting with reporters. He took a second to talk about his "fictional" colleague as he prepared for a TV spot.
"First of all I have to point out, not everybody understands that the real Santa Claus is at Macy's," Lundgren said, emphasizing the point with his finger. "A lot of people have different interpretations, imposters. This is the real one. We have the real one. And he gives me advice."
But it would seem that Claus might be the one in need of such advice.
He has been running his namesake Claus Corp., a mysterious blue-chip manufacturing and distribution company, for about 185 years. That is, if you go by the first publication of the poem The Night Before Christmas. According to TV and movie portrayals of the business, Claus Corp. always seems like the ideal place to work. Everyone smiles. No one complains (maybe they're just afraid to). Order fulfillment is guaranteed. The whole operation is fluid and magical.
But forget workplace morale for a second. Let's talk business.
Does Claus, the perennial nice guy, have his company in position to flourish in a modern, uber-competitive corporate environment? Do the old ways work? Should he consider passing the baton? Even the "Oracle of Omaha" Warren Buffett, who gets a couple hours of sleep a night and oversees Berkshire Hathaway at age 77, admits he can't work forever. He's named a few possible successors. Claus speaks of no one to take his place.
While Buffett is the second richest man in the world on the Forbes list, what's Claus pulling down after taxes? Is he one of the righteous CEO-founders who take a meager salary because money, especially almost 200 years in the business, matters not?
Kurt Ronn, president and founder of HRworks, an executive recruitment firm that works exclusively with blue-chip companies, likes Claus for the job.
"He would be a great CEO," Ronn said. "He's a great leader, a strong innovator. He has shown a proven ability to perform over time. He also has a certain charisma about him that people like."
Last year, Claus was bumped off the Forbes' Fictional 15 list following controversy over his existence. The list cites detractors' suspicion of parent complicity.
That's another thing.
Claus is too cryptic to be boss of a public corporation. No one would tolerate it. There are too many questions about what goes on behind the scenes. Maybe the board of elves should step up and exercise some accountability. And we need full disclosure--bonuses, recreational sleigh use, other? Does Mrs. Claus really have the time to keep up with changing regulatory requirements or the nuances of Sarbanes-Oxley?
But let's give him some credit. The guy does know how to use his face to plug a business. His deal with Coca-Cola alone must make enough to keep the workshop generators running for a while. Then again, while his personal image is undoubtedly strong, there's no Santa brand. Essentially, we're just investing in a once-a-year shipping service. What if the likes of Sony, Nintendo and Mattel quit outsourcing to the North Pole?
Yet, he's reliable whether you're naughty or nice. Investors love consistency. Every year on the same night you could guarantee an empty plate of cookies, some presents and possibly coal. He's also got an unshakeable, reassuring temperament. Forget inflationary pressures. Forget a down-trodden housing market. Forget heavy financial losses as a result of subprime bets gone sour. Ho ho ho!
Lest we neglect to revisit workplace morale at Claus Corp., rivaled only by the "Google-plex." There's roller hockey at Google's California-based headquarters. There are reindeer games at Claus Corp.'s North Pole campus.
"They must offer perks that are better than Google's even," Ronn said.
But is that enough? Do the elves need to be unionized?
So weigh the good with the bad, the naughty with the nice, to see if Santa really would make for a good CEO. Would you want him at your company?
