Love Guru gives you the lowdown on, well, love!

With just a couple of days to go for February 14, rediff's Love Guru offers some solutions to five common romantic problems faced by Indian youngsters.

Ahh, love is in the air! Hearts, candy, flowers and all that jazz.

But not everyone in relationships is singing a catchy tune -- romance is sometimes fraught with trouble.

So in a bid to help your ship sail smoothly this Valentine's, I've put together a list of the most common problems readers seem to face with their partners. If you're in a similar dilemma, hope this helps -- good luck!

1. 'We're from different castes and our parents won't agree to the match'

We claim to be a colourfully cosmopolitan society, but the truth, as many unfortunate young lovers often find out, is a little different. If you bring home a Khan instead of a Kriplani, or a Bannerjee instead of a Batliwala, things are bound to get a little rough on the domestic front.

While most sensible parents are willing to respect their children's choice of life partner irrespective of caste -- eventually, if not right away -- there are those who threaten to disown them over a marriage they disapprove of and then keep their word.

So first off, a word to the wise -- if you're too intimidated by your parents to stand up to them when it comes to marrying your lover from another community, don't have a 'we'll see where it goes' attitude. You know yourself, you know your parents -- and if, realistically speaking, their standing in the way is going to end the relationship, it's going to cause heartbreak for both you and your partner.

The same goes for those on the other side of the fence -- if your partner says 'I love you, but will marry someone else if my father says so', you're asking for trouble in the long run. Yes, Father may like you, in which case you can thank your lucky stars. If he doesn't, it's bye bye to the relationship and all the time you've invested in it!

It's also important to understand why your parents disapprove of a match -- when you're young and in love, reality doesn't hit sometimes until it's too late. And inter-caste marriages do require adjustment on both sides, especially if you're moving to a more orthodox set-up than your own home. You may be expected to maintain a vegetarian diet in your new family, or your in-laws may not approve of your wearing minis. Will you be as happy then, when the honeymoon phase is over and you realise what life is going to be like for you? Unless both partners are willing to embrace cultural changes and work things out amicably, it can end in disaster.

Only if you're 100 percent of your decision to marry your partner and confident that the relationship will stand the test of time should you risk displeasing your family and walking out on them. And if you are, don't let anything stand in your way -- at the end of the day, all religions are different, but they're all equal too. If your family is too bigoted to see that, you need to stand by your partner and face the consequences together. No loving parent is going to keep away from his/her child for long and most likely, they will come around to your life choice. And often, their attitude can move from grudging acceptance to blessing with time, so don't lose hope!

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Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

First off, if this is a random girl you see at the bus stop every day, or a boy you've seen in the college canteen -- DON'T. Because 99 percent, you will be rejected outright and first impressions are everything, so most likely that rejection will remain final. Imagine a nondescript person coming up to you randomly and stating s/he loves you -- your first reaction will be, 'Get me out of here!'

I need to make it very clear to all the Romeos and Juliets out there, that love at first sight is a fanciful, romantic notion and most often, nothing more. When you find someone you don't know from Adam attractive, it's just infatuation, attraction -- not love!

So what you need to do is get to know the object of your affection first. Smile or say hello -- if you're a familiar face, s/he will most likely smile back and return your greeting. Strike up a conversation casually after a few days and take it from there. Only when you're having proper conversations and sense interest on the other end should you think of asking him/her out for a coffee or maybe dinner. Then, once you're good friends and have some idea where the relationship is headed, you can think of taking it further.

To those who are already at the 'close friend' stage, I'd say what are you waiting for? Get your guts together and state your feelings! Don't overwhelm him/her with dramatic overtures, try and handle it maturely. And if it comes to that, learn to handle rejection gracefully! A friend who genuinely cares for you will try to avoid hurting your feelings and salvaging the friendship, even if a romance is not on the cards. If that's the case, strive to keep your friendship alive and move on in the dating game.

There is no easy answer to this one. Each situation is unique and circumstances are different for everyone.

When a partner cheats on you, it's devastating. The break of trust, the breach of commitment -- it's like you and your love has been taken advantage of. And despite the fact that you're still in love, the betrayal can be too hard to bear.

First off, though, a quick word to all those who are dating serial cheaters -- get out of the relationship. If it happened once, you can consider making up and moving on. If it's a string of unfaithful liaisons, you need to kick your partner to the curb!

If it's a one-off thing, you may consider reconciliation, especially if your partner has admitted it to you out of his/her own guilt. An admission without external pressure means s/he is serious about you and doesn't want to go on living a lie, but wants to start over with a clean slate. Things may be a bit shaky in the beginning, but if both of you work hard at it, the trust can be rebuilt.

Often, people write in that they have children together and are staying married for their sake. My advice is, don't -- if you're going to keep your marriage going, do it for your own sake. Because any other way, it's only going to make everyone involved, including your spouse and kids, unhappy. Children need to be brought up in a stable environment of love and trust, not in a house where their parents sleep in the same bed but have no communication between them whatsoever.

Ah, the age-old saas-bahu saga! I can't tell you how many folks write in with the same old problem -- either old mothers-in-law are being bullied, or their hapless daughters-in-law. But most often, it's the harried husband who's caught in the middle and can never get it right -- no matter how neutral he tries to remain, he's accused of favouritism from both sides.

Personally, I think young couples should move out on their own. That's the best way to make your relationship work, getting used to each other within your own private space, instead of adjusting to ten other family members you weren't counting on pussy-footing around when you married. And preferably, the decision to move out should be made before relationships with your new family have soured. If your mother-in-law is not thrust in your face every morning, maybe you'll actually look forward to meeting her for lunch once a week!

See, it's not possible to get married without knowing at least a little bit about your in-laws and the domestic situation. And if you think there's the slightest scope of trouble after, better to avoid it and salvage relations by making the move right after the wedding. Your in-laws are also entitled to their own lifestyle -- they've gotten along in age and may find it difficult to gracefully adjust to a new living situation after so many years of having things just so.

And be warned -- if your partner is the 'I told you you'd have to adjust with my parents and I would never move out' type, you may want to rethink getting married!

Drop him. Or her. Especially if s/he's prone to flying into rages and getting violent.

A possessive, suspicious partner is utterly undesirable in my books and unless you fancy living the rest of your life like a bird in a golden cage, you'll think twice about a long-term relationship with such a person.

If you're dating someone like I've described above, rest assured that it is their own insecurities that are playing upon their minds when they tell you to avoid everyone else of the opposite sex. In such situations, trust does not build and the relationship is reduced to 'You did this, I did that'.

Sure, you can try talking sense into a possessive partner, but unless s/he has great will power, intelligence and most importantly, a willingness to change, it's going to be difficult getting along. And most times, their inherent mistrust shines through and continues to create trouble.

Reassurance can go some way in alleviating doubt -- you can explain that if you wanted to date so-and-so, you would. But you're not, because you're in love with your present partner and that's why you're in a relationship. And don't ever make the mistake of hiding minor things like meeting a friend for coffee or calling someone on the phone -- if you get caught out, it will only serve to justify his/her suspicions of you. The only way to tackle this is head on. 'If you can't handle that I'm meeting friends, that's your problem. If we're in this for the long haul, you're going to have to learn to trust me and like my friends.'

Simple as that!