A Valentine's Day ode to kanda -- and Kalmadi!

We bring you a humorous twist to Valentine's Day 2011!

Love is in the air -- and surprisingly, the anti V-Day brigade isn't banging down doors yet.

Could it be that we'll have a trouble-free day of romance for once? Not so much if the present state of affairs is anything to go by!

Alongside our resident cartoonist Uttam Ghosh's brilliantly funny illustrations, here's a silly little ditty -- enjoy!

Don't turn up your nose at bad breath no more;
The more 'kanda' you eat, the better you'll score.

With the cost of a kilo having gone through the roof,
Of your wealth your bad breath is the only proof.

Women will flock to you like a moth to a flame,
Yes sirree, buy some onions and you're in the V-Day game!

Check out all our Valentine's Day specials!

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

When you've got onions to share?
Soon they'll be selling at Estee Lauder!

Onions for world peace too, we say;
Give one to Mubarak, maybe he'll go away!

Is that a rose in her hand? No, no!
Offer a 'pyaaz' posy and tell him to blow!

Inflation, food prices,
Oh, what a scary thought!

'So what's the V-Day connect?' Are you trying to be funny?
It's rather simple -- no money, no honey!

Back home, bribes will soon be in onions, you hear?
Then you need have no fear, Kalmadi dear!

He was jailed for love,
You'll be jailed for kickbacks!

If you'd joined him in there, wouldn't it be weird?
He'd probably pray for you, then say 'Shave my beard!'

Given that real saints are so far-between and few,
Would you overcharge him like you did for the Commonwealth too?

If St V tried for it though, he'd miserably fail!

It's not all about love, it's about money, too true,
The righteous rots in prison, the villain his nest flew.

And although things don't end on a note that's very kind,
He'd still send a card -- 'Kalmadi, happy Valentine's!'