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POLL: What's keeping YOU in your current relationship?
Is it common interests, sex, money, true love? Take the poll below and tell us why you're sticking things out with your present partner! Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
It's the season of lovebugs, hearts, flowers and everything else romantic and gooey.
But how many of us are REALLY in a relationship that is 100 percent fulfilling, genuine and longterm notwithstanding circumstances? (Newlyweds, don't answer -- tell us in five years' time!)
In the following pages, we bring you a host of all the possible reasons why you're with your current partner. So level with us, be brutally honest and let us know just what it is that actually finds you in your present relationship!
Lack of better prospects: 'I can't bag a real hottie, so I make do!'
Your heart beats for a 6'1' tall beauty with graceful limbs, an ample figure, jet black hair and a tinkling laugh.
But obviously, she won't give you the time of day, so you've 'settled' for someone more in your league -- someone who's 5'1', on the chubbier side and sports a short bob.
You've realised that you're not going to be seen with a sexy gal/guy on your arm unless you:
a) Win the lottery
b) Become a Bollywood star
c) Undergo cosmetic surgery
So you're with someone ordinary -- you like him/her, keep things casual, get along well and enjoy the perks of being a couple, even if the ol' ticker doesn't quite go pit-a-pat.
Does this hold true when it comes to your current relationship?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Compatibility, common interests: 'We both love reruns of Friends...'
You both like prefer coffee in the mornings to chai.
You both believe Gabriel Garcia Marquez is the greatest author of all time.
You both enjoy listening to the latest filmi hits and boogeying down to them in a nightclub come Saturday night.
And since you have so many common interests, the compatibility factor is rather on the higher side.
So are you with your current partner because s/he's a mirror image of you, can read your thoughts and always wants to do what you want to do too? Scary!
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Sex: 'We're hot in the sack together and that's what counts!'
Inside the bedroom, you're an explosive couple.
Outside of it, unfortunately, you're explosive too, but not in a good way.
Still, the sexual chemistry seems to make things worth it. And the best part of fighting and arguing so much is making up again -- behind closed doors!
Does this state of affairs define your current romance? You're hot for each other and that's making it work, even if factors like compatibility and like-mindedness don't enter the equation?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Mutual respect: 'Honey, can I speak to you in private?'
When you have a difference of opinion, you're still both polite to each other.
Slamming doors, yelling and showdowns/sarcastic comments in front of friends have no place in your relationship.
Even when you're on the outs, one of you doesn't end up booted onto the sofa for the night.
Mutual respect between two partners is very much desirable and if you have it, that may well be the glue that's holding the two of you together!
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Familial pressure: 'I want to leave, but my mom will create a fuss'
Unfortunately, this one seems to apply mainly to Indian couples.
You and your wife/husband don't get along. You never have, since you married. You don't have anything in common. You lead separate lives under the same roof.
But you can't even think of bringing up the 'D' word, because Mummy will cry for three years straight, Daddy has a heart problem or Saasu Maa will have no face left to show her friends.
And so you plod along, refusing to rock the boat.
'What does it matter what I want, as long as the rest of the family's happy?'
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Loyalty: 'What underwear model? I refuse to look!'
Devoted is an understatement -- even your pet dog gets a complex when it comes to your undying loyalty.
Members of the opposite sex don't even register with you anymore, because you have eyes for your partner only and no one else.
You're the kind of person who follows through on commitments 100 percent and according to you, that's the only way to be.
So is your loyalty the reason you're still in your current relationship?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Social life and standing: 'What will Mrs Gupta say?'
You want to call off your engagement, but what will people think?
You want to leave your spouse, but what will people think?
You want to end your two-year-old romance because there's none left in it, but what will people think?
Yes, we're talking to you -- the person who's too embarrassed to make a break for it, because you don't want to be judged, thought or spoken of badly.
Is that why you're still with your partner -- to avoid becoming fodder for the gossip mills?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Guilt: 'I made a commitment...(sighhhh!)'
Okay, so we're assuming here that you want out.
But you're still in -- mainly because you don't want to let down your partner?
Strangely enough, there are a lot of people out there who stick around in a marriage or relationship for fear of hurting their loved ones.
They feel bound to the other person because they've made a commitment and no matter how much they want to end things, they don't, out of guilt. They'd rather live discontented than guilty.
Are you such in a similar situation?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Health: 'I need the physical and emotional support'
Some of us are delicate flowers.
And delicate flowers need a sturdy tree trunk to lean on.
It may surprise you to know that many people continue in a relationship because of health reasons -- they need their partners around to support them physically and emotionally, even if they don't share that great an equation.
Are you part of the wilting daisies club?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Fear of loneliness: 'Single is spelt d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e-l-y a-l-o-n-e'
Ever heard someone say, 'I can't be alone'?
Say hello to the serial daters -- people who dread being single so much that they flit from one relationship to another, and try to draw out even those that aren't working for as long as they can.
Such an attitude usually has its roots in lack of self-confidence ('I'll never find someone else') and too much dependence ('I'll never go to a nightclub alone').
Is this the reason why you're with your present guy/gal -- because you fear winding up lonely?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Good food: 'S/he's a nag, but a great cook too!'
Stop cocking an eyebrow -- it's been known to happen!
You want to call things off with your annoying partner, but s/he cooks you such fabulous meals that you decide to give it another two or three months, till Lobster Thermidor has been struck off your must-have list!
Of course, that also makes you a glutton, but hey, that's the way the cookie crumbles -- if you don't lick them off the plate too!
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Independence and personal space: 'S/he doesn't cling to me like a leech!'
'Poopsie pie, when are you getting home? I miss you, it's been 20 minutes.'
'Wouldn't you rather stay home with me and watch a romcom instead of chugging beers with your buddies?'
If you meet a potential partner who looks the type, we say run a 100 kilometres in the opposite direction and don't look back!
So isn't it a refreshing change when you date someone who gives you your personal space and doesn't buckle down on your independence? That's a major reason to hold on to him/her for dear life!
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Housing: 'I'd have left a long time ago if I had alternative accommodation'
In an age when even divorced couples are finding themselves sharing a home, it's pretty hard to walk out when you have no place to go.
The reasons could be many -- you've paid your half of the rent in advance for two years, you don't have the funds to buy a new place, your parents don't want you coming back to live with them...
And so a lot of people hold off on ending a relationship because they have to continue living under the same roof together. And as long as you have to do that, why complicate matters? Just ride it out is their way of thinking.
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Force of habit: 'We've had spaghetti on Sundays for five years now'
After you've been with someone long enough, your life with him/her becomes routine.
There may be no romance left in the relationship, but you're habituated to a particular style of living, a particular way of doing things. And as you get older, it becomes more difficult to break out of that and start afresh.
She makes you fried eggs each morning, he cleans the ceiling fans each Sunday, Thursday night movies are practically tradition...
And so you stay on, because the alternative is too much of a headache.
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Money: 'You think I can afford a BMW and yearly trips to Paris on my own?'
You knew this one was coming up!
Look, nobody likes being branded a gold digger, but we'll make it a little easier for you to be honest.
After a certain amount of time invested in a relationship, you get accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And even though your partner may be the most obnoxious in the world, you put up with it because s/he's got the moolah -- and because you'd rather arrive at a party in a luxury sedan than a hatchback and shop at high-end stores instead of the high street.
So you carry on, content to receive an expensive bauble every so often and live the good life.
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Laziness: 'Who wants to rough it when someone's doing it all for me?'
Who would want to lose out on coming home every evening to a nice home, good food and a cozy, made bed? Or, for that matter, handle household accounts and investments, other finances, grocery shopping and what not by themselves?
The answer is -- the lazy ones. When they're well taken care of, it's more difficult to give up on that, rather than give up a difficult partner. They can't picture starting from scratch all over again.
Lazies would rather put up with a lack of romance, compatibility and mutual respect, instead of compromising their security by walking out and then learning to do it all solo. Are you one of them?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Children: 'I want my kids to have both parents around'
One of the main reasons people don't opt out of unhappy marriages and relationships is for the sake of their kids.
Despite not getting on with one another, spouses battle it out to keep their families from splitting for fear of the impact on their young ones.
Of course, that does lead to the question of whether it's good for them to grow up in a home where their mom and dad don't get along. But that's another ballgame. The fact remains that when there are children involved, many parents put their problems on the backburner in order to keep up a united front.
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Convenience: 'We don't get along well anymore, but why rock the boat?'
Some relationships fall into a pattern -- the two people involved don't get on anymore, but they remain together for the sake of convenience.
They lead their own lives independent of each other but attend parties together; they often take solo vacations with their friends, but have the odd family holiday; they don't really get along, but they don't fight like cats and dogs either.
In other words, they're single for all practical purposes, but they don't want to break up entirely.
Are you stuck in such a relationship -- one of convenience?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
Too chicken to leave: 'S/he'll kill me if I end things!'
If you have nightmares about your girlfriend throwing rocks at your windows and shouting down your neighbourhood, or your boyfriend discussing your sex life with his pals once you're no longer together, yeah -- we're talking to you.
There are people out there who are too timid (or intimidated) to make a break for it, even if they want to. Inevitably, their partners are the dominant ones in the relationship and they're too scared of the outcome to actually take such a step.
Do you find yourself chickening out of ending things?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes on the last page of the slideshow.
True love: 'We genuinely can't live without each other!'
What's that? You actually want to be with each other because you love each other?
Sure you're not newlyweds, who we've categorically said can only answer these questions after five years have elapsed?
Even though we're scoffing (and you probably are too!), there are couples out there who actually stay together because they value their partners, regardless of circumstances!
Are you one of these rare gems?
Move on to the next slide and register your votes
Cast your vote!
