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'I'm submissive and want a dominating wife!'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on August 11 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, folks, welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's start off...
RAJAT asked, HI, RECENTLY I PROPOSED A GIRL AND SHE DENIES WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Love Guru answers, There's not much you can do, Rajat. If she says no, that's her decision. If she's willing to stay friends, maybe showing her how nice a guy you are may change her mind, but beyond that, it's best to move on.
trojan asked, are femdom relationships taboo to society? I am a submissive guy and want my better half to dominate in the relationship. Is it wrong?
Love Guru answers, No, it's not wrong at all -- who's to say how your relationship should function? As long as you're making it work, that's all that matters. The dynamics of dominance are not anyone's concern but yours and your partner's.
Prem1 asked, My wife is specifically focussed on her career and is not showing interest towards me and my kids.. she is always thinking of her self-sustainance.. Just becoz of her logistics issues, she has left my 2 kids at her home with her parents, which i dont like much too.. Pls advise what to do...
Love Guru answers, Look, if you try telling your wife she should spend more time with the children and you, even if you're right, she'll only get defensive and say that she has as much right to focus on her career as you do. What you need to do is sit down with her and explain that you don't like how you both (include yourself so she doesn't feel cornered) are not devoting enough time to your children and each other. Say that it's your responsibility to bring up your children, not their grandparents'. Hopefully, she will realise what you're talking about and maybe try to divide her attention equally. You can also suggest that you both try to get home on time from work instead of staying at the office all hours workiing overtime. At the end of the day, no matter what you do or how much you earn, family comes first.
gauravkumar asked, hi there, i am happily married since last 6 years and we have one kid also. but sometimes what happens is that we get into arguments that are not related to ours but are related to people who in some way or other influence us may be family,friends etc. she basically does not want that our life should be influenced by others but sometime it is unavoidable that is what i try to explain her but that does not work. what should we do.
Love Guru answers, Pointing out examples to your spouse of how you should make your own family life work is bound to irritate her. To you, you're trying to improve your situation, but to her, you're basically saying she's not as good as so-and-so. You can try to explain that you're only trying to point out positive influences, but it won't help. What you can do is use the word 'we', not 'you'. If it's something you take upon yourself too, she'll be less defensive.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'He wants me to prove I love him with sex'
avi asked, HI LG, I proposes a gal and she said ok.we are in relatioship for past 9 months. now suddenly her boyfriend somehow called my number and said that they both loved each other and were in relationship.she lied to me all the way till now until i came to know through him. but now she totally avoids him and says she only wants to marry me. she also confessed to goin out with him when we were in realtionship. so in effect she lied to me and betrayed me. i dont know wat all else she is lying. now things are in my hands so should i accept her or not. she is clear on marrying only me. am confused about this. and her ex still calls me and enquires about her. he doesent know that we are in relationship.
Love Guru answers, She probably was waiting for you to propose before she broke things off with him, so the timing overlapped. That was wrong and you can explain to her that what she did to her ex was not justified. And she should talk to him once and tell him that she's in a relationship with you and is not interested in pursuing a relationship with him anymore, as well as apologise for how she handled it. As for the two of you, it seems clear that she wants to be with you, so whether you want to stay in the relationship or not is your call.
Ria asked, I have bf who loves me a lot but he wants me to get physical with him. He says this way I can proof my love to him. I care for him and do not want to loose him. Pls suggest.
Love Guru answers, You don't have to prove anything by falling into bed with him. If you want to get physical with him, then do it by choice, but if you don't, please don't be forced into it for fear you will lose him. No man who really cared for you would try to pressure you into it like this.
rajesh asked, Hello sir, i am in physical relationship with my GF but that is also true that it is not possible in future that we will marry because of cast. So should i still keep physical relationship with her as we love both each other.
Love Guru answers, If you've already put a cross on your future together, why are you maintaining any relationship at all? Physical is the least of it -- emotionally, it will have a huge impact on both of you.
Lks asked, Hi LG..after many turbulent years,I have gotten back with my long lost lover.We both are divorcees now and want to get married and live together.But I have one issue which I don't know how to manage. She has a 17yr old son from her previous marriage who is also sort of a way-ward guy, not brought up right and gotten into trouble many times.Even she has lost hopes in reforming him now, just wants to give him some education and let him alone. But I see this as a potential problem for us.Can you suggest how to manage this issue?I have no children and no other liabilities..want to have a peaceful married life with my love..hope my wish comes true..
Love Guru answers, At 17, he's still not an adult. I think it's quite ridiculous that his mother just wants to relieve herself of his responsibility because she wants to settle down with you. If he's not brought up right, it's her fault. It's easier said than done, leaving him alone -- what if he winds up in prison, or a drug addict, or worse? If you're willing to take on the responsibility of a step-father to a problem teen, it's fine. If not, remember that it's not going to be as smooth as you think. Maybe counselling can help her son to an extent. And maybe as a man to look up to in the family, you can influence him positively. But please keep in mind that's a best-case scenario.
haha asked, Hello Sir, am married for 6yrs, I got into romance @ office, but I broke the relationship with her. but later I realized that I should not have done that, but the girl @ office also stopped talking to me, We are now in difference premises. How can I persuade her to talk to me. or get back the trust in me.?
Love Guru answers, Why should she trust you, unless you're promising her a legitimate future? How long should she waste her time playing mistress to you when you can't offer her anything in return besides secret meetings and dates? And what about your relationship with your wife -- don't you think you owe it to her to be faithful, else why are you still married?
'I've been blackmailing my female boss'
dev1 asked, i want multiple partners. why you think that can be wrong if so?
Love Guru answers, When you say multiple partners, you mean sexually or in terms of full-fledged relationships? As long as you're not deceiving anyone or making commitments you don't intend to fulfill, that's your decision to make.
StillSingle asked, How to strike a discussion with a unknown girl at office?
Love Guru answers, You're probably a familiar face already, so the next time you see her, smile. After that you can graduate to a 'good morning' or 'hi' as you pass by. Sooner or later the chance to chat a little should come along and only after you've had a few conversations (and only if you feel like she's interested) should you think of inviting her to coffee or something after work.
Srini asked, Ditched my gay partner of two years, 7 months back, as he was too possessive and yet flirting with others, gets angry with me too fast etc. Now i am in search of another one, but i keep comparing everyone with him. Although I dont regret ditching him, sometimes I feel that was the best i could get and I un-neccessarily left him. Dont know what to do. Feels lonely
Love Guru answers, Don't doubt yourself -- no one's to say that's the best you could do! Even if you're the one who called it off, after two years together it's only natural to go through a low period. That's why you're lonely, but remember, it's better to be a little lonely for awhile than stay in an unhappy relationship with a partner who bullies you!
Deepak asked, HI LG I am married for 4 years , also I have small kid who is 3 years old . but still me and my wife are not having an haapy married life , their are always disturbance in the relation between us . We are not able to solve the problem because what she suggest i disagree and whatever she suggest i disagree. this is creating a huge gap between us , could you suggest some idea how to improve the relationship and remove the gap between us
Love Guru answers, I'd say please opt for marital counselling. And the next time you disagree with her, think about how strongly you feel about your opinion. It's like this -- if she likes orange curtains and you like blue, think about how much, really, the colour of curtains affects your life? It doesn't. So give in. I'm not saying the problems you have are as trivial as that, I'm just trying to explain to you that when you start cooperating a little, she'll be more inclined to do the same.
merkel asked, LG. i am almost black mailing my boss (female) as I have some proofs about her claiming extra money of her travel bills. I told her to report this to the CEO and all of a sudden she was so kind to me and gave me all signals of making a physical contact with her. it's been almost 6 months now and we both have done enough sex? She enjoys it now and doesnt do under any pressure from me. Now my conscious is saying it's all wrong? What you say LG?
Love Guru answers, I see -- after six months of sex, your conscience suddenly kicked in? She's pilfering from the company and you're party to it because she gives you a good time! I think both of you are behaving in a really low fashion. Are you interested in her beyond the sex? Answer that question and then we can move ahead.
'We have a no-strings relationship, but he's falling for me'
Lks asked, Thanks, LG..I understand it's indeed a tricky situation I am in. The fact is,the boy was brought up mostly by his dad,who was a drunkard and influenced his son to misbehave.His mom (my GF) has been the only earning member and the boy has started exploiting the situation, demanding money etc. There may be some cultural issues as well..Yet, I am keen to marry her and be there for her..Do U suggest that I reconsider this decision?
Love Guru answers, No, if you're keen on being there for her, by all means, do not reconsider your decision. I just want you to understand that it's a big responsibility, but if you're ready for it, go ahead, by all means. And about this kid, there's still hope -- with his mother and you to help break his bad habits and give him the love and attention he needs, he may still turn out alright. Seventeen is still far from being an adult.
mamta asked, hi LG, i am 28yrs girl & have been in relationship with a boy of 22yrs. we were just physical and never wanted serious committments. Although he knew it, still he is getting more and more serious towards me now, what to do
Love Guru answers, He's young and in love with you. Now it's up to you whether you feel the same way or want to stick to your no-strings-attached agreement. If you do, I think for his own sake end the physical contact.
shrushti asked, Hello! I am 27 yrs female from Mumbai. One of my colleague from office has started loving me a lot. He is just 22 yrs & a very good friend of mine. I am not interested in him as I am already in relationship with someone else & very happy.My colleague knows about this and is always upset about the same. Recently we had an arguement and are not on talking terms since 10 days. I do like him as a friend as he makes me smile & cares for me. We had various arguements in the past but have always forgived him as He is Just a kid. But this time he said some relly mean things to me which are not acceptable. I do miss him a lot and I know he misses me too. Should I speak to him or wait for him to realize his mistake.
Love Guru answers, If you're not interested in him and still behaving like his best friend, you're kind of leading him on, even though that's not what you mean to do. He's in love and by getting so close to him, you're only encouraging it. About your fight, if he was rude and mean, there's no reason why you should approach. Let him realise his mistake -- he may be younger than you, but at 22 he's not a kid! People at that age know well enough when they're being insulting and when they're not!
zam asked, hi, I am a software engineer and very recently I opted for company bus where I saw a lady sitting alone at the last row .She saw me but I acted as if I didnot see her. The next day I went and sat next to her. She saw me and turned away her face. this continued for one week > Last week she had some health problem and I asked her and she said she had head ache. I offered her help but didnot take. And this week she suddenly started sitting in other place. However when I pass close by she sees me.
Love Guru answers, You sit where you have to, don't keep going and sitting next to her unless it's unavoidable or she'll find it irritating that you're following her. You've already had one conversation, so talking to her when you do get the opportunity shouldn't be too hard. Just don't rush it! Slow -- that's the way success with women goes.
merkel asked, @LG....the true answer is NO. I am not interested in her beyond the sex. And honestly speaking not even for the sex now. But she seems to be very interested in continuing our so-called relationship further. You know I feel it's all wrong. Past is past we cant change it but yeah now i feel it was not a morally correct thing to do
Love Guru answers, So put a stop to it. Let's just hope now that she doesn't decide to blackmail you with telling others of your office affair!
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, people...till next week, goodbye and all the best!