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'I want another child, my wife doesn't'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on June 2 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there people, welcome back to the weekly Love Guru chat! Let's start off...
chela asked, Hello sir, i have a problem. when i fight with my girl friend. she stay angry with me for a long time. In between i tried to conveys her.But she don't try to understand. what should I do ?
Love Guru answers, Well, I hope you're not fighting at the moment, so you can maybe tell her when she's calm that it upsets you she takes so long to get over each fight. Couples argue -- it's normal. What's not normal is spending days nursing a grudge instead of burying the hatchet. That's an unhealthy habit. She should make an effort to get over her sulking.
sandeep asked, Hi Loveguru, I was in love with a girl since 2 years. The girl too loved me. We were working in the same company. then we changed the companies , we both went to different. But she forced to leave and join her company only. i did it. then she told to convince my parents for marriage. i convinced my parents , and they agreed. then when i went to inform her that my parents have agreed, she told that a guy had come to see her, her parents liked her and so she agreed.She got married to that guy itself. I am in a state of shock. it has been six months to her marriage.She forced me to attend her marriage and i attended it. i have lost my weight . I am unable to do anything. Her thoughts keep coming to me.Please advise me.
Love Guru answers, Oh, dear! First thing you do is shift organisations -- life is difficult enough at the moment without you having to meet her everyday. I'm sure you're hurting a lot and severely depressed, but you have to see her for what she really is -- a manipulative opportunist. Such people get what they want out of you, up and leave until maybe they need something from you again. You need to cut her out of your life completely. Absolutely. Everyone gets over bad relationships, Sandeep and you will too. Confide in friends, lean on your parents for support, maybe take a break and head off for a holiday, do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better. In a few months your head will clear and you'll be glad you were saved from spending your life with such a fickle, untrustworthy woman.
suparna asked, i have a very serious problem. I got married 8 months ago. My husband forces me to have sex in front of my brother-in-law who is 23 years old. And sometimes he also forces me to have sex with that brother of his infront of him. I have tried my best to explain to him that i cannot but he beats me. He forces me to do vulgar things infront of my brother in law who stays with the 2 of us. What should I do?? pl help
Love Guru answers, Suparna, you need to get out of this marriage right now. He's abusive, a pervert and forcing you into incestuous relations. What will come next -- sleeping with your father-in-law? I can't imagine what you've been through but you have to grit your teeth, get tough and walk out. I would strongly suggest counselling -- a therapist will help you get over the trauma of what you've been through. You can and should file a police complaint against him and his brother for sexual assault. And consult a good lawyer -- one who will take him for all he is worth in the divorce! Don't let him get away with this.
Brijesh asked, Hi, LG, when i was working with a mining firm i like the wife of my boss and she is also interested in me, but i dont want to cross my limits but she is ready. pls let me know what to do...
Love Guru answers, She's not the one who'll lose her job or damage her reputation as a working professional! Don't compromise your career -- or someone else's marriage.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'She has two new guy friends who seem more important than me'
shyam asked, Hi LG,I have a major dilemma. My GF of 4 years is giving me confusing signals these days. Though she claims she still loves me, her mobile is constantly engaged even at late nights. She says she has two new male friends one, her colleague and another, an outsider friend- with whom she says she enjoys talking and she likes them, but nothing serious about it. We also have nothing much interesting to talk about these days. When I am talking to her, if she gets a call from any of them, she disconnects my line immediately, whereas when I call and her line is busy, she calls back much later, only after finishing that call...Is she moving on and just playing with my emotions, buying time to announce it? Or am I just over reacting? I don't want to lose her by precipitating matters, if it is not serious. At the same time am also not keen to be a cling-on. Please tell me how should I go about??
Love Guru answers, You seem like a sensible man, Shyam. Look, it's okay to make friends with members of the opposite sex -- and it's understandable that couples run out of telephone conversations after having been together for four years. But here's what's not normal -- spending all night, every night, talking to two other men instead of choosing to maybe spend time with your boyfriend. I don't think you're overreacting -- she's crossing the line. What is so very exciting about these two that she has to chat with both of them every single day and you have to play second fiddle to them? Who is she dating here? It looks to me that she's enjoying the extra attention. Explain to her that making new friends and meeting them or talking to them often is okay, but not at the cost of your relationship and certainly not so that it becomes more of a habit than your romance!Tell her that you are willing to accept new friends, but there are boundaries -- and she's not paying attention to them. Either she's interested in one of them and comes clear about it or then balances her priorities. And as her boyfriend, you're definitely top priority!
varma asked, Hi Loveguru, i had a crush on my classmate, but we were just friends. I met her after 2 years after completion of course and thought of proposing her. i started chatting with her from past 2 months and also arranged a gettogether and spent some time with her. Few days back she is not chatting much and also one word sms reply. When i call her for movie or dinner she says shez bussy with work. Even she got lot of work @ office. so i gave a small gap of 2 weeks thinking i approached in a wrongway. can you please help me how to approach her and make her like me.. i want to marry her.. plz help me..
Love Guru answers, Look, you've known this girl for some time now and you've spent enough time wooing her. She probably knows where you're coming from and isn't too interested, which is why she is avoiding you. You need to be honest about your feelings and let her know about them (no proposing marriage, though!). If she does like you too and there's another reason for her distant behaviour, she'll probably let you know what it is. And if it's a no from her, well tough luck. But at least you'll have some closure about where you stand with her. Don't take it too badly if that's the case -- there are plenty of other fish in the sea!
Kishor asked, I had a failure experience in love now i am in relationship with a girl who has a also a broken heart shall i marry her ?
Love Guru answers, Your decision to marry her should not arise out of her past bad experience or yours. It should arise if the two of you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together. Make sure this is not a rebound relationship for either of you -- if it's the real thing, by all means get married.
Sridhar asked, We got married some 8 years ago.My wife is a housewife, She takes care of us a lot.. We have 6 yrs old Daughter. I want to have one more child,however she is worried about financials,problems in delivery,taking care of more more child etc.. How to convince her or what is the right decision ??
Love Guru answers, Is it the right decision, Sridhar? Are you financially stable, can your wife afford domestic help to aid her in looking after two children? Is she mentally prepared to have another baby? Look, convincing her is not the solution -- discuss these issues together and be realistic about your situation. Bring a child into the world only if both of you truly want it, or there will be discord in your home life, finances and marriage. You can't just decide you want a child and have one -- you have to ensure that it's the right decision for both of you and the child.
anonymous asked, I'm 39 and in the process of separation. Meanwhile got into a relationship with a married lady (2 yrs older) who is also a mother. The married lady first proposed her love to me and then I accepted. We were inseparable for 5 months. Suddenly, she says she has lost interest in me, has no feelings for me and doesn't miss me. She just wants to be a friend and support me all the time. She now has some feelings for her colleague but not sure whether she will fall in love with him. This is one reasons why our relationship has soured. She is sorry about the entire episode and feels bad about what she did to me. I love her madly even now and doesn't want to let it go easily. She still likes me but cannot love. Should I pursue my love for her? Can I have some hope? I somehow want to gain back her heart again. Please suggest.
Love Guru answers, She's obviously not interested in her husband and now she's lost interest in you. And very likely, in awhile she'll have an affair with this colleague and then lose interest in him also. Why do you want to pursue things with a woman who's so fickle-minded? This was not the right time for you to get into a relationship, least of all with a married woman. You're in the process of separating from your wife and you're emotionally fragile. This whole episode has only made that worse. End it, however painful it is and focus on getting your life back on track. And don't dive headlong into another relationship. Take some time to catch your breath, don't rebound from woman to woman.
'I'm very shy, how to approach my boyfriend about sex?'
Bharat asked, Hi love guru, I have many times proposed girls, but they just have good time with me but refuse to give number. (i must tell that everytime i picked a girl was totally unknown) once in bus, once in metro, once in just passing by, what should i do to bring love in my life.
Love Guru answers, Stop picking up random women, that's what you should do to bring love into your life! Some of them are only looking for a good time and nothing more. Make friends with a woman first and only if you find her attractive think of pursuing a relationship.
Nitesh asked, I have a crush on a girl...I know she has noticed me...I sent her facebook request,but it is still pending...Now how do i approach her...bcoz talking now wid her after not accepting FB request...I would be out of words..In FB request , I did send a msg saying ignore if I am bothering you.. What to do???
Love Guru answers, Sorry if this sounds mean, but I'm guessing you are bothering her or she wouldn't have ignored your request. I hope you know this girl -- if you're a stranger and you've added her, even if she's seen you around, the natural thing would be to ignore you! Most women don't enjoy unwanted attention from men they don't know! Next time make friends in person and then add her on FB!
karan asked, i dont like to love ....every girl im in relation ship wants me to love her...but i can't coz i love beauty...and i cant see tat beauty in one girl...different girls have different beauty...and i like to be part of their beauty not the fucking LOVE....i explain them but they dont understand...what to do...
Love Guru answers, I don't understand either Karan! You're with each of these women for one or more attributes, not for the person she is! And you're right, that's not love -- all you want to do is enjoy their beauty. And no, that's not going to go down well with most women, buddy. They want to be loved, adored, cherished! I just hope you're honest with them about why you're with them and that sooner or later you meet your Miss Perfect!
preeti asked, I am very shy girl, I have one boy friend since last 3 months. But due to my shyness I am afraid of asking him of sex. How to approach him for that matter?
Love Guru answers, Don't ask him if it's bothering you that much -- it's likely on his mind too, but because you're so shy he's probably worried about scaring you off! The next time he initiates physical contact, respond -- that will give him the courage to take the next step.
Bedprakash asked, Hi..My girl friend wants to make friendship with me..not make love relation what can i do
Love Guru answers, Then she's a friend, not your girlfriend!
'I liked her looks so I followed her to her house'
vv asked, my frd of mine (guy)is having an affair with a married frd of mine. The girl has a 4 yrs child. what should i advise this two people... pls help
Love Guru answers, Have they asked you for advice? My suggestion is don't go poking your nose into their business unless you're really, really close to one or both of them and can't stand by watching what's happening without interfering. And assuming that also, what can you say? You don't know the basis of the relationship -- whether it's just physical, convenience, infatuation, or real love. You need to know all the facts before you try to tell them what to do. I would suggest instead that you only talk to them and let them know it's a messy situation and that you hope they know what they're doing. Let the gate for dialogue open and see what they have to say. Talk it through and don't go with a speech prepared!
HIZAR asked, Hi LG, I liked 1 gal from last more than 2 years. We are very good friends. When I propsed her she said she consider me as brother but once he told me he will not get married with me because her parents will mot accept me. She never told me that she like me or love. But when i am not with her she always missed me and tried to contact me through phone or sms. Please suggest me what should i do ?
Love Guru answers, Well she's definitely interested but afraid of getting in a relationship because it may not work out. She's probably already made up her mind that she won't go against her parents and if she knows they'll reject you, she doesn't want to hurt you by saying yes to you and then ending it later. Talk it through with her honestly and my suggestion is, even if she likes you and makes it clear that she won't go against them, drop the idea. It will only hurt you in the long run.
okapi asked, hi ! i have been extremely dejected as of now...i followed a girl up to her house only came to know that she is of some other caste..i liked her like nothing else...her beauty , the way she carries herslef & all that...i firmly believe that they wont let this happen...i mean marrying that girl...meanwhile they r seriously on a bride hunt..i am 31 now..years of wating has taken a a toll on me... tip me on as how to get out of that blue?
Love Guru answers, You can't follow random women home, however beautiful they are! And then get all depressed because of what you presume! You're living in a fantasy world -- by all means try your luck by sending a formal proposal if you want to, but remember she's a stranger, you don't know the first thing about her and stop talking of being in love with women you have no clue about!
sibal asked, Hi lg, i was in a relationship with a girl since 7 years now she is 22, she had huge mess in her life as she is studying her classmate cut his hand nerve to show how much he loves her... he says he cannot stay without her... and my gf says he is a psycho he will neither live nor let me live if she marries someone else... she has broken my heart more than a thousand time she says she loves me but she cant marry me.. when i tell her that i will help her get rid off him she says he is good dont do anything.... when i tell something bad about him she gets angry on me and dont speak properly for several days.... what should i do?
Love Guru answers, If this is the way she thinks and talks, I think your girlfriend is the bigger psycho here! What, she'll spend the rest of her life with a madman because he's emotionally blackmailing her and threatening to kill both of them if she doesn't? Would any sane woman even consider such an option? And to top that she thinks he's 'good' and refuses to hear the truth about him, that he's a crackpot? Look, either she loves that guy and/or she is using the whole episode as an excuse to get rid of you. Here's what you should do -- put your foot down. Tell her that either she stays in the relationship with you and lets you handle Mr Psycho by using the police or any other legal means available to you, or then you cut her out of your life completely. Don't give in to ANY sob story she gives you, because trust me, all this drama is going to ultimately bite you in the butt, nobody else. Tell her you're done with this nonsense, because that's just what it is -- nonsense. After seven years in a relationship, she's suddenly enjoying attention from a nutcase and driving you up the wall about it? Don't you take it -- lay down the law! Either it's him or you -- and if it's you, that guy is out of the picture completely. She is to have no contact with him and lodge a police complaint about his stupid antics.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, folks -- till next week, goodbye and all the best!