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'I end up dumping every single guy I date'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on May 19 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hello people and welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started and please note, anyone posting vulgar, abusive or irrelevant questions will be barred!
siddharth asked, hello sir, I am married 4 years back, but from last year i have external affair we have made all relation. but now i want to breakup with her, how it can possible
Love Guru answers, What do you mean how is it possible? Tell her it's over!
mertin asked, LG i want to get married but confused between 2 women in my life 1 is that shes gud to talk to n like a wife material and gud family n gud job. the other hardly has what 1st one has but she just makes me crazy on the bed. shes damn flexible and adjustable and she becomes like my slave n me master. i dunno with whom to go ahead as i cant manage to loose any 1 of them?
Love Guru answers, Well, you can't marry two women so you're going to have to choose. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship -- you should choose to marry the girl you love. Irrespective of whether she's got a good job or not.
SIMI asked, Hi sir, Last week i had told u abt my BF, actully he had given call to me and asked me for few more days and Now his sister and brother also calls and speak to me (Casual Call)nthng much apart from that. Now please suggest what to do.
Love Guru answers, What does a 'few more days' mean -- a week or two or a month or two? You tell him you're not waiting for an answer from him for more than a week or ten days. I already told you to stop chasing him because he's not behaving responsible or caring -- if he's changed his mind about you, good. But remember, I warned you about his nature. Don't show him any interest or desperation. And no buying more time! If he doesn't sort out your future in the next few days, walk out.
prekshit asked, hi lg, my gf is not talking wid me since last 1 month what to do 2 break the ice.
Love Guru answers, You take the first step. Call her, or maybe surprise her in person with flowers or something.
sr asked, I am in love with a NRI with whom i met only once thru a matromnial website n chat with him every weekend . when asked abt marriage he says he needs time atleast 6 months time ..please suggest
Love Guru answers, I should think he needs time -- and so do you! You've met him only once and do nothing besides chatting with him every weekend! Till you get a chance to spend some time together in person and decide, don't talk of getting married because neither of you will have a clue about what you're getting into!
mertin asked, LG what crap u talkin man, just givin non practical answers. just sayin wat ever any layman can say. thoda wake up and rise n think n answer!!!
Love Guru answers, What do you expect me to say, exactly? Your problem is hardly rocket science -- common sense dictates you should marry the girl you love more, without either sex or good job, good family etc entering the equation! Still, since you can't use your own common sense to decide and asked such a question, I gave you the obvious suggestion!
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'My parents set up my marriage without consulting me'
sr asked, Well the guy is a NRI he is a divorcee ,so i am with a kid , he says kid is not a problem but he needs time
Love Guru answers, All the more reason you should take time and make your decision carefully, after spending time together and getting to know each other on a personal level. And he needs time to bond with your child too.
Sanya asked, Hi, I have a major problem of dumping guys.... i enter in to a relationship.... hooks up couple of times and then search for another guy... pls advice what should i do to be faithful
Love Guru answers, You seem to be dating anyone who gives you attention and who you find the least bit attractive. How long will you carry on like this? The truth of the matter is that you still haven't met any man that intrigues you enough, but you still keep hooking up with random men who come your way. And then you get bored and dump them, but that's because you didn't like them enough in the first place! Meeting an interesting new guy doesn't mean you start off with a relationship! Get to know him well, flirt a little, evaluate your equation with him and then you'll know over time whether he is a potential longterm boyfriend or not!
hikaa asked, am highly qualified wrk in mnc,recently engaged to a guy who is not tht educated ,but parents just say yes without asking me,now am confused,i don,t like him at all
Love Guru answers, Look, whatever your reasons, if you don't like this guy at all you're just going to have to stand up to your parents and break off the engagement. Why did you allow it to happen in the first place? They should never have said yes without consulting you -- that's utterly ridiculous. Be strong and stick to your guns -- tell them you're willing to enter into an arranged marriage, but only after you yourself have given the final go-ahead!
malad asked, lg, i am 24 and love a girl who is 26, she too loves me, but my parents won't accept a girl bigger my age. what to do
Love Guru answers, Look, I've said this many times before, the girl being older by just a couple of years or more DOES NOT MATTER. I think it's a really stupid hang-up some parents tend to have when there's no real logic behind it! You'll just have to persuade them and explain that 24 months is a ridiculous reason not to marry the one you love!
crv asked, hi lg, is this right to fall in luv wid a 38 yr old man to a Clg going girl, that 2 married.
Love Guru answers, Look, there are a lot of happy couples out there who have such a huge age difference -- but they are the exception, not the norm. In the case of your friend (or you, since you haven't elaborated), it sounds like this man is having his fun on the side with her and she's too young and immature to realise the ramifications of what she's doing. Most likely, it will end in heartbreak for her so before it does, she should just call it off and start dating young guys closer to her own age.
rahul asked, hi, I am not that talkative. Means I m not able to talk romantic. Because of which my wife always used to tell me that I dont love her. Wht should I do? We are married for about 7 years now.
Love Guru answers, Open your mouth, that's what you should do! Say 'I love you' often, it doesn't take much effort, it's just three words! And if you find that difficult, bring her flowers from time to time, or write her a love letter and leave it where you know she'll find it. You'll be amazed at how much she will appreciate such small gestures and they will only serve to strengthen your marriage. Today, in fact, I want you to buy her flowers and surprise her with them.
yuvi asked, hey guru i am a collee student i like a gal but unfortunately my best buddy also likes that gal i cant even tell ma frnd and not to that gal as well plz help i dnt wanna loose a frnd and also cant see some flirting the gal i like
Love Guru answers, Hmmm. Sticky situation! I would suggest you tell your friend how you feel, because without him knowing about it why would he stop flirting with the girl? And look, in all fairness, just because you don't have the guts to pursue her, you shouldn't expect him to back off. That's unreasonable. I would suggest you both make a pact to let her decide who she likes better over time (it may well be that she doesn't like either of you, in which case problem solved!) -- and don't let it affect your friendship. Easier said than done, I know, but if you both level with each other, your friendship will get over this difficult phase.
'I've just graduated and she's pressuring me to marry'
Sudin asked, Hi Love guru I have relationship for about 2.5 years with agirl and we love each other but just now i have completed my MBA and just got a opening in a small opening. But the problem is that the family of my girlfriend is now giving pressure on me to marry her immediately. But this is not the right time to marry for me. Now i am in tremendous pressure , and what should i do now . Pls advice
Love Guru answers, Get engaged. Explain to them that you need a couple of years to settle down and be capable of looking after her well, but at the same time want to prove your commitment to them. So get engaged and put the wedding on hold for a couple of years -- it's a common practice.
Preeti asked, Hi LG. My boyfrd forces me for sex everyday. Wat should i do?
Love Guru answers, Forces? Why do you submit to it if you don't want to? Put your foot down and just say no.
Lalit asked, We broke up after being in a serious 4 year long relationship in August. I Spetember we have started being in touch again and now we are very good friends. Do you think she is still interested in relationship and thats why we are are making a very good friends here.
Love Guru answers, It's unusual for exes to become good friends after such a recent break-up. Yes, it could be that she's still interested, but it could also be that she's not interested at all and so has no problem keeping things strictly friendly. So instead of speculating, just talk to her and ask her where she thinks this friendship is going and what expectations you both should have of it so that one of you doesn't feel let-down suddenly if the other is not on the same page.
Manu asked, Having intercourse on daily basis is advisable
Love Guru answers, If both partners are game for it, maybe -- but remember, you can have too much of a good thing. Don't overdo it so much that you both get fed up and there's no excitement left in the relationship.
sj asked, Hi LG...i am married but recently i am flurting with my old colleague .. she alo enjoys that ...is it wrong ??
Love Guru answers, Boundaries, boundaries. Don't flirt so much that you cross the line -- emotional affairs are as hurtful as physical ones. Joking and ribbing each other a little is harmless, but don't say anything you know your wife wouldn't like hearing you say to another woman. That's your boundary.
ert asked, we were in love for around 6 years but could not marry. now we are both 40+ happily married and settled in life. We are in touch with each other again. We do feel that love between us still exits. We are keeping our contact with in limits. we don't want to hurt our spouses and kids but want to be in contact. Since we know they won't like it we are trying to keep it a secret bteween us. It just makes us happy. What do u say..should we continue or stop......
Love Guru answers, If it's just a friendship, fine. But you discussing your old feelings, acknowledging that they exist, hiding this from your families -- all this is not headed in the right direction. Which, incidentally, is a full-blown affair. So either you remain good friends and leave the past buried where it is, or then cut off contact. And it seems like neither of you can let the past lie if you're discussing your love for each other.
AT asked, I am married for last 6 years but I am into an affair with my sister-in-law.We love having sex with each other.She is very beautiful and loves me.she wants to marry me.Please advise so that my wife is also not left out in cas of dvorce.Can we be mutually separated
Love Guru answers, You'd have to divorce if you want to marry your sister-in-law. And what do you mean you don't want your wife 'left out' in event of a divorce? You can't have both women, you know! Yes, if you want to spare her further pain and try to handle it in a mature manner and be civil with her, fine. but that's all you can do, really, no more.
'It annoys me that she's giving her parents money'
Ammu asked, Hi LG, have undergone a surgery and removed my utress 6 months back, now when i am trying to have sex with my hubby it hurts a lot at the entrance. Is there any cream or jelly for that?
Love Guru answers, I'm not a sex specialist, my dear -- you should consult your doctors.
vigrock asked, Hi. I had a fight with my gal since she wasnt allowing me to see her . we had been in long distance for around a year and now after i returned back she is kinda used to staying alone. but I keep expecting to see her which she refuses. I know she loves me but aint sure whether she wants me to leave her alone 4 sometime.
Love Guru answers, That's not normal. People in long-distance relationships usually look forward to spending lots of time together when they have the chance to. If it's space she wants, ie to get some time in the day to herself, I can understand that. But not wanting to see you often? Yes, that is unusual and I'd suggest you ask her about it.
pramod asked, sir i love one girl and was in relationship for last 12 years now i got maried to another girl as my forced me to do soo but i still love that girl and want that girl to be life partner?
Love Guru answers, Then you should have had the guts to stand up to your parents for your girlfriend, instead of being a weakling who married whoever he was told to. Would have been easier too, because now you'll be hurting the girl you married -- and she doesn't deserve this treatment. Your only option is divorce/annulment (you'll have to check with a lawyer for that) and to marry your girlfriend.
vardhan asked, hello LG, My wife is very sweet. Infact She is the most valuable thing that happned in my life. She is working, but I always think that She give some money to her mother despite that her father is getting 30000 pension and has got a good house of 1.5 Crs. what Should I do
Love Guru answers, She's earning and she wants to give a little money to her parents, so why shouldn't she? It's her salary, she's working for it. How would you feel if she asked you why you're giving your parents money, if you were?
anupam asked, Hi Love Guru...i am in relatioship with a girl for last one yr and we like to be with each other..but she was having a past approx 4 yr relationship with a guy whom she not able to forget ..many a times talks comes from her side which actually have some thing or other related to him which bugged me whether she is with me just bec i want to marry her or bec she love me and she also want to be with me . i am really confused wat to do ..plz suggest.
Love Guru answers, The only way to clear your confusion is to ask her. Tell her you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks you're second-best, so you're asking whether given a choice, she'd rather be with her ex instead of you.
bobd asked, hi lg..i like one girl in offie..and always get excited about her personla assets..but never gt chance to tell her..tell me wht to do..n go close her..
Love Guru answers, Don't even think of it -- that would be classified as sexual harassment!
Love Guru says, Time's up, folks! See you next Thursday and till then, all the best! Take care!