'I was cheated into marrying a psychopath'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on May 12 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hey there people and welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started...

simi asked, Hi Sir, I am in relationship from past one year , my BF always nd till date says that he love's me lot bt till date never give any commitment. He always say that will get married only if my Mom says YES and till date he is just not taking efforts. Have stoped talking to him from past 15 days but till date even he has not called me. Am worried that he might leave me. Sir I love him a lot and dont want to loose him at anycost but i cant understand what is he upto because just 3 days back i found that he has registered his profile in Shadi.com and when i asked him abt it he said for formlaities bec my parents wants..nd after tht he never called me. He is not telling me NO also and YES also..Pls. Sir help me what should i consider??? help me pls.

Love Guru answers, You should consider dumping him and moving on, Simi. This mamma's boy is never going to stand up for you and he doesn't even seem to have the guts to tell his parents about you, forget going against their wishes if they don't approve of you! It's been a year and he's not only spineless, he is also sneaky -- let me tell you he is quite serious about finding a wife and it's not you! Else he would have at least told you he had to create a profile online to please his parents. but he hid it from you and only told you when you found out! Leave this jerk, please -- life will be much better with a nice boy who loves you and is not afraid of declaring his love to his family.

ragini asked, Sir i was in relation from past 2 yrs & we were working in a same comapny but now he has changed company. He misbehaves wid me a lot & says he just used me. he behaves vvv strange & abuses me a lot. Pls suggest wht 2 do.

Love Guru answers, Abusive relationships are a strict no-no. If you keep giving him chances he will keep misbehaving with you. Why are you sticking around to be abused? You need to know beyond any doubt that this is absolutely not your fault -- don't make excuses for his abusive nature. Walk out. Immediately.

Sowmiya asked, Hi lovgu, I love with one guy before 2 years back. then he leaved togeather. later on I got married. Now I got a problem with my ex boy frined. Now he is saying to say everyting to my husband. please suggest what i do ? these such a matter doesnot know to my husband. please advice

Love Guru answers, So basically he's blackmailing you? Tell your husband about it yourself -- he may be a little annoyed that you never told him earlier, but if he's sensible he will also realise it happened in the past, before he met you. And cut this ex out of your life -- don't keep in touch with him in any way.

unlucky asked, hello luvguru, im in trouble pls help me, its been 2 years im married and i have 1 child, now after 2 years of our marriage i hv come to know that my husband is psychopath, he gets attack and tries to kill anyone around him , my in-laws did hide his illness from me and i feel like they cheated me , now what should i do, wht will be my kidz and mine future, pls suggest wht shud i do now?

Love Guru answers, Your husband is obviously suffering from some kind of mental illness. There's nothing to stop you walking out and filing for divorce on the grounds of being misled into the marriage. And if your husband is aware of his problem, maybe he'll be willing to visit a psychiatrist to cope with it. Because divorce aside, he doesn't even sound safe enough to be left alone with his child at this point -- there's no telling what he might do in a rage. You need to protect yourself, your child and your interests.

nunu asked, my girlfriend has an attitude,.how to over come from it

Love Guru answers, Tell her you don't appreciate her attitude problem and wish she'd be more herself instead of acting cool all the time.

confused asked, hey lg, im gettin married in cpl of months arranged. my problem is tht last yr i had a fling wid a friend of mine and we ended up gettin physical. nw im nt not sur whether to tell abt dis to my fiancee or just hide it from her.plzz hlp me hw do i handle dis.i dont wanna upset her

Love Guru answers, You can tell her about it, without going into too many details. Tell her you've had girlfriends in the past and want to start with an honest, clean slate. I think she'll appreciate it and maybe she has someone in her past too? The key here is to accept that it was in the past and you both are making a fresh, sincere start on your marriage.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

minu asked, gdaftn sir..My BF is not ready for commitment he want only tht..nd am fedup with his desire and now he is not bother abt me. Help me i love him a lot pls. guide

Love Guru answers, You gave him what he wanted without his giving you what you want -- committment. And anyone who wanted to be with you only for sex is so not worth it! You deserve better. Ignore him for awhile -- if he does love you, aside from wanting to just sleep with you, he will come back and will commit. But if he's not bothered about you, end it now. Trust me, it will hurt for awhile but in the long run you'll be glad you made this decision.

Karan asked, Hi My name is Manish and I have a best friend prachi we shared each and everything with each other. She had a bf 4 years back but that told her that he never love her. He used her as just time pass. I am her best frind. She everytime tells me that if yu come first, I would love you. My question is that Does she love me bcoz everytime when I don't talk to her or ignore her, she calls me or try to contact with me. Plas tell em does she love me?

Love Guru answers, Sounds like she does have a soft corner for you. If you feel the same way, let her know -- I think it will work out.

abcd asked, Hi LG, 2 years back I had break-up with my 8 yrs gf. We were not in touch for almost 2 yrs. Noe she says that she want to be my friend. Does it mean she is interested in me ? Shall we become good couples now ?

Love Guru answers, Maybe she is interested, or then maybe she does just want to be friends. My advice to you is, don't jump the gun here -- keep in touch like friends do and in time, you'll discover whether she wants something more from you or not.

ajayis asked, Hi On Sunday I was shown a gal at my fren's place ... that gal was my fren's niece and I fell for her..... We had lot of chats and we even went out in evening along with my fren and other couples.... We had a lovely time and we also talked till late night on phone .... Now she says she dont wanna marry......... I m feeling at total loss and depressed........... what to do

Love Guru answers, Obviously she doesn't want to marry you yet! You met her four days ago and went out with her once -- that's hardly enough to make the decision of a lifetime! Tell her you liked meeting her and would like to see where this relationship goes -- if she responds positively, good for you. And don't jump the gun on marriage, it was a stupid thing to bring up within so short a time!

monog asked, Hello LG, I am a software Engineer and my wife is a home maker. Recently I am shifted to a new project in which two girls are reporting to me. They are very social and in a team dinner my wife saw them. She is much disturbed about their behavior and makes up a lot of stories if I arrive home late. She wants me to switch Project. I get butterflies in stomach just thinking of the scene where I explain this reason to my Manager to switch the project. My colleagues are very nice and I dont want to hurt them. What is your opinion???

Love Guru answers, You need to sit your wife down and explain to her that while these girls may have a different outlook towards life than her, it does not mean that they are looking to indulge in extra-marital relations with you! This is definitely not a reason you can share with your manager about switching projects! She should trust you more and maybe get to know these girls herself. Invite them home to dinner, let your wife get acquainted with them. Once she knows them better, maybe she will realise she was a little hasty in judging them.

sneha asked, Sir, we were in serious relation for 2 yrs. But now he is only interested in sex & we are not committed. He says we will get marry later on. or he is not interested wid me.

Love Guru answers, How did your relationship go from serious to casual without your knowing it? Or is it that he made all these promises to you and once he got to sleep with you, backtracked on them? Talk to him and find out where exactly your relationship with him stands, Sneha. Is he promising marriage, even if it is later on? Or is he being flippant about it, saying that he'll get married on his own time, he's not sure of him, you're welcome to leave him if you want committment etc? If it's the latter, cut your losses and move on.

rema asked, sir , is there any way out to grab attention of my BF who is not ready for marriage as now a days he is avoiding my calls. when asked he gives reason like am buzy and for physical he is ready tp come and after that he never turns up. the day i asked him for marriage after that he completely stoped taking my calls. want to teach him a lessonfor his life. how can i do

Love Guru answers, There's a saying, Rema -- the best revenge is living well. So forget about him and enjoy your own life. Remember that what goes around comes around and if not now, in time he will realise the mistake he made when life teaches him a lesson. But you don't wait around for that -- you move on. Have fun with friends and don't be hesitant about wading into the dating pool again. You'll find someone better than him.

Arindam asked, I got married 2 yrs before.but now we r living seperately.I don't know how she is?where she is?but I know that she loves me.Can you plz help me to find out my love?

Love Guru answers, How can you not know where your wife is living? There must be some friend, some sympathetic relative of hers who can tell you so you can go see her?

sikha asked, last year i married to boy of my parents choice.I as in relationship with a boy earlier .i had physical relationship with both during first month ofmy mrriage .lastmonth i got a baby girl .i dnt know wh is the father .i really feel broken .should i tell thetruth to my husband

Love Guru answers, Well, first of all, Sikha, I would suggest finding out who the father of your child is. Go to a medical health professional, maybe your gynaecologist and ask them to arrange a DNA test -- don't worry about anyone finding out, because medical ethics prevent them from revealing your problem to anyone. Once you've conducted the test and know who the father is for sure, you can take a call. Because if she's not your husband's child, he does deserve to know -- and so does her real father. How long can you live a lie like this? What happened, happened -- but facing up to the consequences now will be preferable to them snowballing into something 100 times worse in later years and when your daughter grows up. Look, I know it's hard for you, but hang in there -- you made a mistake and you regret it, it's not the end of the world. There's no one alive who hasn't done something they regret.

sharmishta asked, hii love guru.........im in a gr888 mess....there r so many guys whu love me.........n everytime a breakup wid a guy...its like after sm years sm other comes in my life...he loves me so much ....then again break up............its like a vicious circle......its not like a like changing boyfrnds...but...m very emotional girl...i juss wan a person whu loves frm true heart.............but abhi tak koi thehra nahi.....koi purana apni galti maan kar wapas aa jata hai.....fir sab kuch messed up ho jata hai................mai kya karu..................abhi b m into a relationshp...he lovs me truely......he wan get married soon....but past cmg in between.........wat to do..................plssssssssssss giv me a solution.......................?

Love Guru answers, Sharmishta, it looks like you've fallen for every guy who's been attracted to you. And now you're confused. Keep it simple -- your current boyfriend loves you, wants to marry you and has never let you down. So I would say stick with him -- just because an ex from many years ago has suddenly resurfaced is no reason to reassess your own relationship.

Aamir asked, LG, I just ended a relationship of 4 years and trying hard to come out of it. Of late I've realised that i'm desperate to just have a girlfriend. I just miss being loved and cared. Because of this desperation, I'm trying to hit on every girl I come across. How do I stop myself ?? What should be my thought process ??

Love Guru answers, Hi Aamir -- what you're facing is a rather common problem. After being part of a couple for so many years, you've forgotten how to live the single life. Plus you've endured heartache and desperately want someone to love you. All perfectly understandable. But the harder you hit on girls, the more desperate you'll come across and nobody will want to date you. Plus, girls are wary of rebound relationships -- no one wants to be the means to an end, which in your case is getting over your ex. My advice is, hang out with single friends for awhile. Meet new people and flirt a little, sure, but don't let your desperation shine through. At all. In a few months or so you're sure to meet an attractive girl who's interested in you. But till then, don't shun the single life -- embrace it.

asf asked, Hi i am married 4 years and staying far due to official movement. Now i am having a GF ..till now no intimate contacts but used to tell all in Phone ..is this wrong ?

Love Guru answers, Yes it is wrong -- an emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one.

rocky asked, Hi, Luv Guru i have done court marrige before 1 year.due to finacial problem i am not able social marriage her. lots of trouble came from wife. i want to postpone 1 year she is not agree .what can i do

Love Guru answers, What does she expect you to do, rob a bank? Explain to her that it's not that you're not willing, but that you don't have the money. So what choice is left, really? Unless she wants to pay for it. In which case, it's your call -- you can always pay her back when you are able to.

adis asked, i was in a serious relationship and in love with a married girl and she also loves me a lot but due to circumstances we r not able to marry and as of ths i am avoiding her phn and messages plz help what to do?

Love Guru answers, I don't know what your circumstances are, but you both need to take a call on whether to work towards a relationship and future together or then call it off. Is she willing to divorce her husband? Are you willing to marry her? If so, then you need to work towards that. If it's not happening, it's the right decision to call it off and cut off contact.

Roma asked, My parents don't approve of my boyfriend of 2 years because of two reasons - Firstly, he's not of the same caste as i am and secondly, he wants to do an MBA abroad for which he will have to take a hefty loan. I do not completely disregard what they say, but I do want to go ahead and settle down with him for he is an amazing person with lots of potential for a good future and to start a family with. How do i explain to the family? His parents are more than happy for me to be a part of their family. And it's not like he's hell bent on an MBA only from abroad..if he doesn't make it, he'll do one from India. Basically, my parents dont think he's a great match in terms of background etc. But that may also be because they haven't met him/interacted with him. My brother wont even talk to me anymore because of this. I'm losing my mind. Dont want to end up trading one part of family with prospective family. Please help?

Love Guru answers, Your parents should be happy that he's an ambitious boy who wants to make something of his life by studying further. I agree with you, it's unfair that they're not even willing to give him a chance. At least ask them to meet him once and discuss future prospects before taking a call. And maybe you can put your marriage on hold till his education is complete, or is that not an option for you? Because in any case if he's studying, marriage will only be an added financial burden on him. Especially if he's going abroad, I'm guessing you'll have to remain here till he's done. So what's the point of rushing into it? Take a little time, let him complete his education and take this chance to prove your parents wrong, I would say.

pooja asked, Hi Love Guru,I got enganged last year to this guy who was in Uk that time.It was a family decision.From the past one year I was trying to make this relationship work but he always used to told me that he will come to India and workout,coz he dont like to talk over the phone and and have no time,stuff etc. Now he came back to India in Mrach and next day called up and said that he dont want to marry me,coz he dont like me at all.After that he said he's not ready for marriage as he want to foucus on his career.After 2 months of arguments and family pressure he said yes,but then again said will have a contract marriage.Now the filies are against the marrigae and thay are forcing me to maary his younger brother,who is more sensible.I dont know what to do.I m not ready for this but my family forcing me for this.help me out what to do.

Love Guru answers, Don't be forced into anything you don't want to do -- it's ridiculous to be engaged into the same family twice, to brothers yet! What's the big deal about this family only, it's not like they're royalty! Anyway, to please your family, unreasonable as they sound, speak to this younger brother, see if it's a chance you want to explore and then give your answer. And Pooja, here's one piece of advice -- don't ever, ever consider marrying someone who's being pressured into marrying you! Such relationships are an utter, utter disaster and I cannot stress that hard enough!

naren asked, HiL.G, there is girl 20 yrs back in my mind and i propose her but she denied now she is on fb, after20 yrs i send her fr but she blocked me how to throw her from my mind.

Love Guru answers, Are you insane? This girl wants nothing to do with you, so when will you learn to take 'no' for an answer, when you're 80? For God's sake stop living in a fantasy world and move on with your life!

Love Guru says, Time's up, people! Till next Thursday, goodbye and take care!