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'My wife earns more and treats me like a maid'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on April 28 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, people...welcome to the weekly Love Guru chat on rediff! Let's get started...
christina asked, I jst need to knw whtr the person loves me is truly loving me or he is goin to leave me later on how will i get to knw by his posture plz tell me
Love Guru answers, His 'posture' will not tell you anything. If you trust him and are confident of his love for you, why worry so much about him leaving you later on? Nobody knows what the future of any relationship holds, but such insecurity on your part will take a toll on both you and your partner.
jimirocking asked, Hi Love guru I am urging for sex my age is 27 my marriage will take atlest 2 more years.How to come out of this. I have one female colleague with my how can I know that she will be also willing to sex with me.
Love Guru answers, That depends upon what kind of relationship you share, doesn't it? She's not going to just come out and say 'I want to have sex with you'! If she's a close friend and you share a flirtatious vibe, maybe it can lead to a relationship, of which sex may be a part, but it's rare for women to get into bed with a man who wants nothing but physical relations. Also, she's your colleague, so proceed with the utmost caution!
pallavi asked, hiii lg, last week i asked that my bf is ignoring me....and u said this is fine, but next day, he called me many times, i was busy at that time, so i could not rcvd his call, when i called him back, he said wat were u doing, wih whom u were sleeping... i cut the call at that time, coz i don't have any answer at that time, 5 days has gone, and we did not talk..can u tell me wat to do now..
Love Guru answers, What do you mean you didn't have any answer? Your boyfriend sounds like quite a jerk to me...first he ignores you, then calls incessantly, then accuses you of sleeping with someone! I'd say dump this piece of work!
anil asked, I am m 43, married, entered in a relationship with a married woman who loves me much but reluctant to accept me and fights with me for attention all the time.
Love Guru answers, You don't seem to be making sense -- on one hand, you say that she's reluctant to accept you and on the other that she's constantly in need of more attention from you. What is your problem, exactly?
Saurabh asked, Love Guru I am still having feelings for my ex-gf.After so may years is it right to patch up again.I don't know how she will react??please help me..what should i do??
Love Guru answers, If you're single and she's single, you can give it a try. People grow up, change, mature -- in such circumstances maybe your relationship might survive another go. You've already known her intimately, so don't beat around the bush -- first find out if she's dating anyone else and then make your move. Tell her the truth and say you'd like a second chance -- if she feels the same way, good for you!
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'We were going to elope and now she's getting cold feet'
shdrtnow asked, Is it ok to be in love with a girl who is engaged ? She might be having problems with her fiance. She is ready to leave him for me. We are very much in love with each other. Is it ok to trust this person ?
Love Guru answers, What kind of problems is she having with him? And if that's the case, she should be leaving him regardless of whether you're in the picture or not, isn't it? Or is she just going to marry someone she's having trouble getting along with because she hasn't found anyone else yet? As far as the matter of you trusting her goes, if she keeps her word and calls off her engagement to him, I guess you can tell that she's serious about you. But I still can't figure out why she is not willing to do that anyway, if she's having as much trouble with him as she claims.
rajiv asked, i had loved a girl truly 4 more than 5yrs, later i introduced her to 1 of my friend and now she has crush on him, what shall i do now
Love Guru answers, Rajiv, you may have loved her for five years, but does she love you or does she take you as nothing more than a friend? If it's the latter, while I'm sure you're upset, you have to realise that sooner or later she's bound to meet someone else and start a relationship. Either you let her know how you feel about her, or if she already does and has made it clear she's not interested in you, accept that it's not going to happen between you two.
kanishk asked, Hello Sir, We r in relationship for 3.5 years now. Saturday we r going to get married. She is so emotional. At the last moment she is breaking down emotionally towards here family. Although this decision was taken together. Her family member will never agree for this marriage. My family is backing me up. She is saying that she will do marriage but she will never confess in front of her family that she is married if her marriage talk starts in her home. Wht should I do.. please suggest.
Love Guru answers, She's probably getting cold feet about the whole thing and that's understandable -- it's not easy to go against your whole family. But you need to explain to her that you'll support her every step of the way and that she has to let her family know of it. What is she going to do, go back and live with her parents after you both tie the knot? And then hide it till they find out, or marry again because she doesn't have the guts to tell them this is her choice and she's already made it! Then what's the point of getting married to you at all? As hard as this is, she will have to be tough -- the worst will pass. Once you're married, you both need to let her family know of it. Hopefully, they may resent it for awhile and then eventually come around.
akshay asked, Hi,im 23 yrs old...im in love with a girl we iused to study together at school but and are now frndz fr lik last 5 yrs.The thing is she is very career oriented and very good looking.we both got jobs bt now she earns a lot mor than me. She told me that in future she would like to stettle with an NRI.I havent told her what i think about her cause i dont wanna break my friendship.wht should i do.
Love Guru answers, Why are you so sure that you'll break up your friendship if you tell her how you feel? Once she's married and abroad, that's not going to leave much room for your friendship with her anyway, Akshay. So take a chance and let her know. If it's meant to happen, it will happen and if it doesn't, at least you'll know that you tried instead of spending the rest of your life thinking 'what if I had told her?' Go for it -- because again, your friendship is hardly going to be the same after she marries someone else.
Gaurav asked, Hi Love Guru, I love a girl who i know too loves me and has many times said to me that she loves me. Problem is that off late we have had a few fights and now she says that i need to prove my love to her else she cannot be with me for life. I love her a lot and cant live witout her. Plz suggest?
Love Guru answers, And how does she expect you to prove your love for her? What does she want, exactly?
hi asked, hi LG. My wife gets angry on very small small things and sometime she become violent, she hurts herself by hammer his head into wall etc. shall i visit to neurologist or psychatrist. Please advice
Love Guru answers, Not a neurologist, but yes, by all means get her to visit a psychiatrist or therapist -- such behaviour is not normal.
'My sister's trapped in a horrible marriage'
lovely asked, Hi.. I'm 27 year old and got married recently. I feel very possessive about my wife. Many times I feel my wife does not take it well. She is very practical. Suggest how to be less possessive ?
Love Guru answers, Nobody likes being treated like a personal piece of property! No wonder she doesn't take it well. Look, she chose to marry you -- isn't that proof enough that she's not going to go chasing after some other man? But if you continue acting like an insecure idiot she might and that will be your own fault -- it'll be you who ruins your marriage! Have some faith in your wife's love for you and learn to control the wandering of your mind towards such nonsense.
abinash asked, hi friend ,me and my love wanna marray , but our caste are different so non of the families wil support us i know , she says (my love) we wil marry of our own in temple , which i dont want , i want my parents blessings to be with us for ever ,i dont want to hurt my parents and i cant live without my love , wht shal i do
Love Guru answers, Abinash, I can understand you want your parents' blessings, but they don't want to give them if you're marrying outside your caste -- it's as simple as that. Now, your girlfriend loves you enough to go ahead with this without her parents' support. And I think you're selling her short. Either stand up for your relationship to everyone or then cop out and marry someone of your parents' choice and keep them happy, while you spend the rest of your life with a woman you don't really love. Life isn't always fair, my friend -- sometimes tough choices are to be made.
bk asked, A girl was in intimate relation with me.At that point she was in relation with one more guy parallely. i doubt she faked everything. How do i find out thetruth?
Love Guru answers, Ask her -- unless she's an absolutely shameless liar, I think she will break down and tell you the truth.
tukur asked, Dear LG, I am a married person 32 yrs old and my wife is 29 yrs. My problem is her dominating nature. We had a love marriage and we were colleagues at the same level. From last 3 years, her career has progressed a lot and she earns 5 times more than me. I have become naturally submissive to her and she just treat me like her servant sometimes. She expects me to giveher regular footrubs, always be there at her beck and call, carry her purse around, and sometimes even scold me in front of our guests at home. Donot know what to do?? Pls help
Love Guru answers, Earning less than her doesn't make you a lesser person. Explain to your wife that you're done behaving like her servant and while she may be superior to you on a professional level, at home you are equals -- end of story! It's okay to give her footrubs sometimes, but does she ever give you one? Why do you carry her purse around and take it when she shouts at you in front of guests? She may not even have realised how bossy she's become because you are taking everything she dishes out to you! So talk to her in private, explain that you don't like being taken advantage of and that household salaries are not a hierarchy -- you both are equals in this marriage.
Vipin asked, Hi, I am 24 years old, I have a friend Mansi, we are friends from last 3 years, i am best friend of her and we share each and everything with each other, I don't know whether i am in love with her on not or she loves me or not. We have never asked each other that Do u love me. From past 10 days we are not talking with each other, tell me what should i do or how can i come to know that she loves me or not. Please tell me....Thanks
Love Guru answers, You're her best friend -- so what's stopping you from telling her how you feel? So what if you haven't spoken for ten days -- you make the first move.
Alisha asked, LG..My sister just got married and the guy is very unsupportive. He always brings his parents in between their relationship and always asks my sister to compromise. My sister is well educated and is working and drawing more salary than him. That irks him the most. She is fed up of him. He never tries to solve the problem instead brings his and our parents in between. My parents are heartbroken as she is very close to all of us. Can you kindly suggest some options.
Love Guru answers, Didn't she know what he was like before she married? Anyway, the first year together can be tough, so your sister needs to lay some ground rules in her relationship -- and topping that list is no bringing the parents into it. They have to solve their problems between them and he can't go complaining to both sets of inlaws and upsetting the whole family. Second -- they take turns to give in after arguments. If he gets his way once, the next time around she gets hers -- there's no need for her to be the only one to compromise continuously. And third -- she can't help it if she earns more than him and he should come to terms with it instead of being a chauvinist pig about it. Let her talk this through with him and maybe they can work it out -- you never know, maybe he will wisen up. If not, she can reconsider her marriage, because there's no point in compromising and being unhappy for the rest of her life.
'The boss I had an affair with is returning to my office'
pradip asked, I LEFT HER BECOZ OF JOB WAS FAR AWAY AND NOW WELL SETTLE AFTER 3 YRS SHE IS STILL SINGLE I STILL LOVE HER HOW TO APPROACH TOWARDS HER?
Love Guru answers, Look, I think you made a mistake breaking up. Sure, that was the time to focus on your career, but you could have given some of your time and energy to a long-distance relationship and made an effort to stay together. Contact her now, explain the reason why you did it, accept it was an error in judgegment on your part and apologise for how you handled things back then. Tell her you want her back in your life and since you're well-settled now, you can make a complete and wholehearted commitment.
aka asked, love guru the girl whom i like is elder then me by jus 1 year n she is rejecting jus foh this age factor though she likes me also and also regretting that i am smaller then her n i tpld her that what i feel foh her.i really like her what should i do love guru plz help
Love Guru answers, That's an utterly, utterly idiotic reason -- 12 months! That's all it is! And for that she won't explore a relationship with someone she's attracted to? Tell her this is a ridiculous decision and to wisen up!
Aravan asked, I tried establishing contacts with my ex-gf (we were infatuated about 19 yrs back), just to clear that last bit of anxiety in me and to live in peace with my beautiful family. I thought being friends again will be exhibtion of maturity. She did not respond to my messages on facebook. I felt hurt. Infact, she was the one who ditched me earlier and we have never met after that. Should I try contacting her once more? I feel hurt.
Love Guru answers, No. Do not contact her at all. This girl played a bit part in your life nearly two decades ago and there was no need to try and become friends again in the first place. Let it go and stop thinking of her so much!
Archer asked, LG I Masturbate atleast 5-6 times a day, is this normal ? my gf watches me laughs but she is not ready to have sex with me. She stands nude in front of me and smiles. ? i dont understand her. Should i like for some other girl for Sex ?
Love Guru answers, Look, she's going as far with you physically as is comfortable for her. Don't push her beyond that -- the right time will come along sooner or later. I don't think you should be looking up another woman just to have sex.
Nitika asked, hi luvguru, 4 yrs ago, my then boss & I had a cosy relationship. He was some 10 yrs elder to me. Then, he got transferred and I also got married and am happy with my husband. Now I have come to know that he is again coming back to our office. I am worried/confused my married life will be affected. Pl. guide.
Love Guru answers, Look, for the time being, leave things as they are. Once he's back, you'll know for sure how things work out. If he makes a move on you, explain you're happily married now and that while you cherish your earlier relationship with him, it's in the past and you look forward to being his friend and colleague again but nothing more. If he doesn't make a move on you, there's nothing to worry about. And if you feel like this will compromise your marriage, you may consider moving to another organisation yourself.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, people...till next week, goodbye and take care!