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'I just discovered my boyfriend is a drug addict'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on April 7 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, everyone! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat and let's get started!
ReddyNJ asked, i have girl friend , we used to chat for long hours, recently i donno wat happened to her, suddenly she started avoiding me.. i heard from her friends that she is in love with some rich in her office... how can get back my LOVE ....... plz help me out ..
Love Guru answers, Well, if she's avoiding your calls, maybe you need to confront her personally. Even if she wants to end the relationship, avoiding you is not the solution! She should at least come clear on her decision. If she's chasing another guy only because he's rich, maybe you need to step back and evaluate whether you even want to date someone who's so money-minded.
goku asked, we r very clear in our relationship but few days she got to talk with other person and she didn't tell me i know about from her call record what i do?
Love Guru answers, Why are you snooping around her call records? If there's no trust in a relationship, what's the point of continuing with it? Now you'll tell me that you don't trust her justifiably because of what's come up, but maybe if you weren't so possessive and controlling she wouldn't hide these things from you! And you don't even know who it is -- it could be just a friend or another girl!
riaa asked, hii love guru, i love a boy from last 1 and a half year, but as the time is passing, we are getting fighting, he don't call me as before, in a day he calls me only two times.. i don't know wat is missing between of us, give me a suggestion plzzzz
Love Guru answers, I think calling twice a day is enough! You're overly insecure -- obviously, once a relationship settles into a routine, you can't devote every waking hour to your partner! A new boyfriend may call his girl 20 times a day, but after they've been married for six years you can hardly still expect that -- it's not only unrealistic, it's impractical! If your boyfriend was ignoring you, I don't think he'd call you at all!
Gaurav asked, Before marriage, My wife and I used to talk a lot whether on phone or face to face while meeting. These days my wife does not pick up calls and does not talk properly at home. She has become quite reserved and not sharing things with me even after confrontation. I am really worried.why is she not sharing things with me? She is avoiding things by saying she wants to be alone for sometime. And this sometime has gone in 2 months now.
Love Guru answers, Obviously something's up -- her abnormal behaviour is a clear sign of it. Explain to her that you're married and there's no problem she can't share with you. Also, expecting you to 'leave her alone' is not a comfortable situation when you're married and living in the same home, so she should just come out with what the problem is. It is unrealistic to expect you to just wait till she comes around and suffer the discomfort of knowing that something is wrong without her telling you what it is.
rajiv asked, i am gay and i like one boy.i wanna to tell him about my love.what should ido?
Love Guru answers, Rajiv, maybe before you tell him how you feel you need to know whether he's gay too, right? And even if he is, is he attracted to you? If you just come out with it you're taking a risk -- a heterosexual male may be uncomfortable with attention from you and may tell you off, which would only hurt your feelings. I'd say find out more about him and try becoming friends -- then if you feel like he's open to a relationship with you, proceed.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'My in-laws took a large amount of money from me and won't return it'
gtgt asked, is it possible that one can love two persons with same intensity, in same way?
Love Guru answers, Well, it's not common, but it's not impossible either.
motu asked, is having sex a sign of normal relation between boy and his girlfriend?
Love Guru answers, Yes it is.
lovesexdokha asked, love guru , im having affair with my brothers wife and we both want to run away . what is your advice
Love Guru answers, How far and how long will you run? And are you alright with losing your brother's love for the rest of your life because you stole his wife? It may sound exciting and romantic now, but what you're talking about is not the solution. If you both are hellbent on being together, the least you can do is own up and take the blame instead of avoiding it by running away.
RaghuNandan asked, I am married since last 7 yrs and have a kid. My in-law had taken a big amount of money from me and are not returning it back, I am not directly asking them for returning. Even my wife is not taking any steps for the same. This is the reason I stopped talking to my wife since 6 months even we stayed together. Pls give me a solution to this.
Love Guru answers, Why don't you gently explain to them that you need the money back now? You lent them the money, that was your decision -- so it's stupid to stop talking to your wife over it. She may find it tough to ask her parents to return the money, but you can ask them for it, saying you need it. You can also explain that you're willing to take it in smaller installments instead of the whole chunk in one go, if they are finding it difficult to repay you.
dino asked, Love Guru i m working in MNC.i hesitate a lot in front of Girls..being shy in nature nothing working for me...plz help me
Love Guru answers, Nothing's working, because you see them as 'girls' and a different species altogether! Next time you come across them, I just want you to imagine that you're talking to another bunch of guys. That will make it much easier for you to handle the situation and you can be yourself instead of going on wondering endlessly what to say to them.
bigsam asked, hi love guru, even though having sex with my wife so much, I feel attracted to other women, and feel having sex with them. how can I stop feel this way?
Love Guru answers, As long as it's just a feeling, don't worry about it. Just don't act on it -- attraction to other women is natural.
nams asked, i caught my husband two timing on me and this continued despite his acceptance and regretting in front of his parents.he then began ignoring me ill treating me and trying to show that i was the one who was suspicious of him.When pressure mounted from all sides including his other woman he suddenly left the house and me and is living alone for the last 1 yr and is now asking for divorce.My in laws and all his friend are aware of this and he does not listen to them and ignores there company.If he can reform and promise to be faithful i can still accept him as he was not like that for first 2 yrs of marriage.can you plzzzz help
Love Guru answers, Why do you want this loser back? You want to be treated like a doormat for the rest of your life? He cheated on you, ill-treated you, moved out, now he wants a divorce -- and you STILL want him back? Why, is my question? Don't underestimate yourself and don't imagine for one moment that the rest of your life is to be spent in the company of this worthless man! You deserve better, so put your foot down and move on!
'We both want to have sex but we're feeling ashamed'
Rajesh asked, love guru she says i have told somethingwrong which hurted her and want to leave me.i cant live without her.i have pleaded to her many times but no response .please tell me what will i do?
Love Guru answers, Rajesh, if you have said something you thoroughly regret and have apologised for it over and over, it seems to me she should forgive you. But in this situation, it looks more like she's using that as an excuse. True love and forgiveness go hand-in-hand but your gal obviously doesn't think that way. And I hope that this is something you remember saying to her and know for sure was an issue. If she's just saying you said something and even you have no idea what it is, rest assured she's playing games! And the more you're pleading, the more she feels like she's controlling you. You tell her that you've apologised enough and if she still can't accept that, maybe it's better she moved on. Then cut off contact for a few days. If she really does love you and was only using this to get you grovelling, she'll come back herself.
hitesh asked, hi love guru i have one gfrd both are very understand ,,both want to do sex but we are both feel shame to do ,,plz say what can i do
Love Guru answers, Look, provided you both are mature enough to handle it and legally old enough to indulge in intercourse, you have no reason to feel ashamed. Sex is a perfectly natural thing, it's an expression of love between two people and it's not dirty when the feelings and intentions are pure. Talk it over with your girl and if you're both ready for it, go ahead.
manu asked, hi lg, one of frinds wife is trying very hard to impress me, she is trying to find occassions so that she could caught me alone, i want to go further with it.. but not sure will the relation go further stronger.. pl guide ..
Love Guru answers, It's more trouble than it's worth, in my opinion -- can't you find any woman besides your friend's wife to pursue? Just because she is giving you a little extra attention doesn't mean you reciprocate and take advantage!
mayur asked, my gf was in touch wih her ex and she has confronted upon my probing it. she confirms now she out of it but i get suspicious at times again as it was a deep long affair. pls guide my stance
Love Guru answers, Staying in touch with an ex is different from cheating. Granted she should have told you about it, but I think you should explain to her where you're coming from and if she feels the need to talk to him at any point in time, maybe she should tell you about it first. At the same time, you can let her know that it does make you a little uncomfortable, justifiably.
okapi asked, hi! i saw a girl way back in 2009..she was damn cute!..the very first time i saw her, i couln't take my eyes off...i happened to see her often but couldn't follow up to her house for some reasons..meanwhile i told my mom about her a year ago and she said u just bring all the details as to who she is..to my luck, she belongs to some other caste...i again saw her 3 months back and really depressed to not get married to her...tell me how can i get out of this situation?..my parents are seriously looking for a bride as well...
Love Guru answers, All you've done is look at her from afar -- you have no clue as to the kind of person she is! You can try following it up with your parents, but please don't fancy yourself in love, because you're not. This is just infatuation and sometimes, all it takes is for the object of your affection to open her mouth and say something for the whole illusion to come crashing down -- and you'll wonder what the hell came over you in the first place!
SexyMale asked, Hi Love Guru, I am married but involved in a sexual relation with my wife's friend. Even she is married and we both are comfortable with each other as there is no commitment. we are in the relationship to fulfill the unfulfilled desires only. At times i have a feeling of guilt also as i love my wife very much. Please suggest what shud i do.
Love Guru answers, If this is a no-strings, only-sex affair, you can end it without hurting your mistress' feelings. Explain that your guilt is catching up with you as you love your wife and you'd like to end things with her on a civil note.
'His parents had an intercaste marriage, but they don't want my boyfriend to do the same!'
ACTS asked, hi.. i m 27 yrs nd having affair on last 3 years.We both are in differnt relegion and i dnt think so both the parents are not giving permission to us . my lover's parents did love marraige in different relegion and they told to my lover that they suffered a lot and will not allow again one more.bcose they lost most of the relatives bcose of this.What should i do..I planned to convert my lover nd beleive in one cast.one more probs that their religion also give pressure to family.
Love Guru answers, Look, times have changed since his parents got married. Back in those days it may have been a big deal to marry outside your caste, but nowadays nobody spares much of a thought to these things! I think if he explains to his parents that he has made up his mind, they will accept it. They did the same thing, after all! And I would strongly advise you against trying to get him to convert. There's nothing wrong with people of two different faiths sharing love and the same roof! Embrace each other's religions and take the best from both!
thakral asked, hi luv guru,my wife betrayed me , now am 45 yrs old may look for someone at this age.l advise.regards
Love Guru answers, You're never too old to fall in love. Go for it!
freakyinluv asked, im in relationship with my boy friend since 3 years and now a mutual friend of ours told me that he is on drugs and addicted to it. im very shocked. what should i do now ? he will not quit his habbit , i love him lots pls tell wht shud i do.
Love Guru answers, It's amazing that you dated him all this time and had no clue that he's on drugs? Look, it's a sad situation but only if he admits that it's a problem and wants to be helped can you help him. You could try talking to his family and friends and if everyone intervened, maybe you all could push him to give it up even if he's reluctant. But by yourself, there's no hope unless he admits he is an addict and looks at getting help. And let me tell you, rehab is the only solution for hardcore drug addicts. Any effort short of that is most likely to fail. under no circumstances, however, should you be willing to accept him with this problem -- you'll ruin the rest of your life if you do.
pranelMumbai asked, LG I like any girl or lady with low waist jeaans or low waist saree showing her deep navel .I like Deep Navel of oldies also .Is this natural.
Love Guru answers, That's a bit odd, but it's a fetish and nothing more. Nothing to worry about.
KV asked, Many years ago, I emotionally manipulated my ex girl friend to sleep with me. It was her first time! I was a bit drunk and pretty rough. Does it account to assault? We continued on for six years, till she decided to move on. I do have guilt pangs from the first time. We are not in touch these days.
Love Guru answers, It's only assault if she feels that way. While she may have found you to be a little inconsiderate and rough, she obviously didn't think of it as assault or she wouldn't have stayed on with you for another six years! In any case, if you feel like you could have behaved better, no harm in giving her a call and apologising for what happened back then. Explain that you feel like you could have handled it better and didn't, which makes you feel guilty.
abrakadabra asked, married for 3 years. our sex life has gone for a toss. I want her to be actively involved but she feels it to be a routine. I just can't have healthy sex life as I dont see her motivated, enjoying what we do. It seems as if I were imposing myself on her. We tried to talk on this but still same story. How should I deal with this.
Love Guru answers, The next time you have sex, forget about yourself -- focus completely on her. Do what it takes to get her in the mood and don't think toward your own ends at all. Maybe if she has a good time she'll change her mind about sex being routine!
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, people! Till next week, goodbye and take care!