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'Family refuses to accept her over a minor health issue'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on December 23 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, people...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Please do feel free to post your problems in this forum. And anybody spamming the room or using abusive language will be barred, so make sure you don't create a nuisance, please!
hi asked, dear love guru i am married but now a day one girl (she is also married) but really i am attarct to her is there any wrong even she is also talking to me and she like me
Love Guru answers, You're married -- so is she -- and you're asking me if anything is wrong? What kind of question is that!
rajan asked, my girlfriend has stopped talking to me from last one week ,just due to ego problem and me too didnt call her up.we just had small fight but was normal,what do i do now
Love Guru answers, Well, this can keep up for weeks together if both of you are stubborn. Why don't you give her a call -- explain to her that you did so because you don't think that there should be ego hassles between two people in love, even when they fight. Maybe the next time she'll follow your example and do the same!
tariq asked, Helllooo love guru...its now many weeks i am chasing you..please let me know does human being is having love cells in ther body depending on that they fall in love....i fall in love so eazily and facing a lot of issues
Love Guru answers, There's no explanation like that for love. In your case, it seems that you're lonely and want a girlfriend -- which is why you fall for every girl you meet. And women have an instinct for that kind of man -- the fact that you want a relationship so badly is putting them off! Stop trying so hard and blindly getting attracted to every girl that comes your way.
rakesh asked, Hi, I am in love with muslim girl and i am bramhin boy she has already got converted to hinduism, we are planing to marry next month please help how to convience our family!!
Love Guru answers, She must really want to marry you to have converted to your faith -- although, in my opinion, that should never be forced on anyone for any reason unless it is a choice that they make. Religion is a very personal thing. This girl has done more than is required of her in her efforts to please your family. Try convincing them, but if they still don't accept it, if I were you, I would go ahead and marry her anyway.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'Should we wait for marriage before we get intimate?'
chandan asked, HeY guru how are you ..i am chandan and i am in love with a girl from last 1 year daily i see her in the bus stop near my home can you please assist me in proposing her.. i look for you reply
Love Guru answers, Chandan, you can't go and propose to a girl just because you've been seeing her every day -- the answer will very likely be a no. Women get intimidated by strange men who come up to them professing love -- in fact, you would be too, if a girl you didn't know and hadn't even noticed did the same to you. Why don't you visit the bus stop yourself once in awhile so you have the opportunity to strike up a conversation? The first time around, don't do anything more than smile at her or maybe ask for the time. Once you become a familiar face, maybe you can introduce yourself and start up a conversation. From there, you could ask her out for coffee nearby or something. Only once you're friends -- and provided she shows any kind of interest in you -- should you think of telling her how you feel. And that may well change after you get to know her as a person! All you like right now are her looks -- you know nothing about the kind of person she is.
hina asked, i met guy on matrimony ,there is huge caste n age diff but he is ready to talk and gave his parents number,but mine sister is not ready, after tht i hesitate to talk with my parentsthn i am 29 and my bf 25
Love Guru answers, The age difference is not huge by any standards, it's only because he's the younger one that you have that misconception. And there's nothing wrong with it -- many men prefer more mature women who are older by a couple of years or so. Don't go by your sister's opinion, go by your own. But I hope you're not being too premature, thinking of marriage -- how well do you know him? You can't just meet someone who kind of seems compatible and decide to get married just like that.
ashu asked, hi,i am in a relationship for last two years. suddenly her father passed away.My parents didnt allow me to go during his last moments.Now she wants to break up with me
Love Guru answers, Why didn't they allow you to go and why didn't you disregard their advice, when you knew she needed your emotional support more than ever at that time? If they thought that you would be intruding upon her family at an emotional time, you can explain that to her. Because in that case, their advice was well-intentioned, even if it was misplaced. But if it was for any other reason, you should have had the common sense to be there for the girl you love. Beg her for one last chance and try to make it up to her as best you can. Be there for her and try to make amends -- maybe she will relent. And next time, do what your instinct tells you to!
vishal asked, Hello Love guru, i have diff problem i am not able to express my love to her , b'coz i love her so much but if she think i m best friend of her,i m not dare to propose if she rejects me then i will loose my friendship also, Advice me what should i do?
Love Guru answers, Be tactful about this. Ask her what she would think if the two of you were a couple. You could say that lately you've been developing feelings for her, but that you would rather get over them if she doesn't think that's a good idea, because you don't want to lose her friendship. She's your best friend -- if you're as close as you say, she will understand and not let it interfere with the friendship even if she wants nothing more. But let's hope that she does!
happy-hunk asked, hi LG.. slow start again i guess....i am engaged to get married since last couple of months.. we are meeting each other and exploring being together.. is it good to go for physical intimacy now or wait until we get married in may next year? which option is better in terms of long term stable marriage?
Love Guru answers, It differs from person to person. If the two of you both want to go ahead and get intimate, that's your call. But if either of you is having second thoughts about it, wait it out -- no sense in pressuring your partner, or that creates a new problem. It's just a matter of six months anyway.
'I fell for a married man and now he wants to leave me'
Asif asked, Hi Love Guru,one girl is in love with me from last 3 yrs.But I am not. so I married last year with another girl from my cast.But that girl still want me to maintain the relation with her as a friend.So i am trapped between my wife and that girl.She is unmarried till now(age 30yrs).Tell me what to do?
Love Guru answers, You're not trapped -- you never did feel anything for that girl. I can understand that your wife is not crazy about the idea, given her feelings for you. I think it would be better for your friend and your marriage if you kept contact with her to a bare minimum.
Rita asked, I fall in love with a married man. I am also married. We have physical relationship. Now he wants leave me. How do i keep him?
Love Guru answers, Why do you want to keep him? Don't you want a doting husband and a family of your own, or you'd rather waste away the best years of your life as someone's mistress? This guy took advantage of you -- now he's had his fun and wants to end things. Dump him, I say -- what's done is done, but you have a bright future ahead of you, so cut your losses and move on. And wisen up -- don't let someone else take advantage of you like this again!
dd asked, Hi Love Guru , Thanks for helping people in trouble. I loved a girl in my high school but she was scared of her father and so was I cause he was a big man and threatened me. It's been 12 years now and I cant stop thinking of her. I can't live without her , I am scared to approach her because of her father , I will die if I don't get her :(. Please help me
Love Guru answers, You were only a teenager back then and it's been over a decade. Look her up if you want, but I want you to keep a very open mind about this. First off, you're an adult yourself and there's no reason to be scared of her father. But you may find that after building all this up in your head that the girl is not as attractive to you anymore as she once was, or that she's already married, or even that you're both not really compatible because you're no longer children. You won't die if you don't get her, because this is just a childhood crush that you've obsessed over for so long, instead of letting go of it and being sensible. I'd tell you to move on, but I know you won't -- so satisfy your curiosity once and for all about her and then, if for whatever reason nothing comes of it, make up your mind that you have to!
sanjeev123 asked, love guru ,i have posted my question couples of time but couldnt get answer from you --I love office lady and keep finding some excused one or another to woo her ,however i am married and doesnt want to take it further .but feel low if she talk or get here attention .i want to get out of this mess ,please help
Love Guru answers, You don't want to take it further, but you still like hovering around her. The only problem here is self-control -- you don't have any. Yes, she may get attention from elsewhere, but that is not your concern, because so do you -- from your wife! So woo your wife instead of fanning the fire of this office infatuation.
johny66 asked, my previous relationship is over...i am trying to come over it, but still its very difficult. will i never fall in love again, as i am always looking for a similar girl?
Love Guru answers, You've already identified your problem, which is more than many people can do. So now it's time to solve it. Stop looking for a similar girl, because it obviously didn't work out with that type of person. Don't be afraid of change -- embrace it. Look at it this way -- if you eat the same meal every day, you'll never know of a better meal that you'll find tastier simply because you refuse to try it!
'We eloped and our families are calling us back -- should we go?'
Pallavi asked, hi LG... My BF want to film our sex action. I am not comfortable. But he insists. He tells that i am not allowing because i dont trust him. I love him. What should i do?
Love Guru answers, Don't give in. This is no joke -- how many times have you come across clips of unsuspecting girlfriends on the Internet or on cellphones? At that point in time they trusted their boyfriends too, that's why they landed up in the mess in the first place! And I'm wondering just why he's insisting quite so much -- it only makes me more suspicious of him. A caring boyfriend would put your feelings ahead of a stupid stunt like this. You tell him that you trust him but not a video clip -- they can always fall into the wrong hands and sometimes no matter how much care you take, it happens. It's been known to happen. Put your foot down and say you're simply not comfortable with it and if he's going to try and force you to do it, you'll break up with him. Anyone who behaves in such a disgraceful manner is not worth remaining in a relationship with. I would also advise you to keep your eyes open when and where you get intimate -- I wouldn't put it past him to try and place a hidden camera somewhere so you never find out.
neha asked, Hi LG, i love a guy, who loves me a lot too, but we cant marry as he says his parents wont agree, it has been more than 2 years since i m dating him and he denied to marry in initial days itself. i tried to stop talking to him many times but he says he cant live without me, please suggest what should I do. I too love him a lot and cant live without him and cant even think of marrying any body else. he takes everything in casual
Love Guru answers, You know this relationship has no future, you knew it right at the beginning and you still got into it. Why? To ruin your own life? You know what will happen? This coward will get married eventually to a girl of his parents' choice and see you on the side. And while he goes on to have a family and also a good time with you, you'll find you don't want to get married and will stay single, trying to please him in the hope that one day he will leave his wife for you -- which will never happen. Then one day you'll realise that you want a husband and family of your own and by then half your life will have passed you by. Either he agrees to marry you or end it. Better to endure a couple of months of misery and then start life afresh rather than throw your whole future away on a mamma's boy who has no guts to stand up to his parents for you.
sameer asked, Hi LG, I am in relation with a girl since last 3-4 years. My family was ready for our marriage initially. But mean while someone told my family about girls white spots on her leg, which I was told by the girl before staring our relation itself. Now problem is that my family is not ready to accept her as they feel that same problem will be there for my child. Infact my mother said she will make suiside if I marry that girl. Girl is not blaming me for this as well as I fear for my mother. I am not in a position to take any decision pl. help me......
Love Guru answers, First of all, with medical science as advanced as it is these days, you should check with a doctor about chances of your child suffering from the same condition. In her case, it's hardly a huge problem -- it's just a patch on her leg, for heavens' sake! Your mother is behaving quite idiotic and irrational -- she's trying to emotionally blackmail you and if I was you, I wouldn't fall for it. At the end of the day, it's your wife and your child -- either she can behave with dignity and accept such a minor physical flaw or she can buzz off. Tell her you'll cut her out of your life if she tries to threaten you with such nonsense. I feel sorry for your girlfriend -- ever thought what it must feel like not to be accepted because of such a minor physical problem? And with your mother so against her for it that she's taking drama to new heights. She's your mother -- deal with her!
Trouble asked, Hi Love guru, I got married recently. The girl gets angry at very small things and fighting seems to be her only hobby. She says, she is not intrested in sex much. Still she expects me to take care of her all needs and love her. Looks I am in trouble with no solution in sight
Love Guru answers, You didn't get to know her well enough before you married and now you're paying the price for it. Tell her that she cannot expect you to love her and be a good husband if she's such a sorry excuse for a wife. Tell her that the less she fights and the better she behaves, the more you'll make an effort to please her. That's the way it works. And she may not be interested in sex much, but you are, so the least she can do is try to please you now and then.
hitesh asked, Dear Love Guru!! I am hitesh before 2 month i and my girlfrend Amrin run from our home and got merried in onother state now our family is calling us with promice to accept our relationship please help if we should go back to mumbai?
Love Guru answers, Does anyone in either of your families have a history of violence? Has any family member ever tried to harm you physically or threatened you with it if you defied their wishes and got married? If none of the above is true, it's unlikely that they want to create trouble. But if you have a feeling that they want to, the best thing would be to go straight to the police first and notify them that your families may try to harm you -- they can help you and warn your relatives to steer clear of you. They can even book them for making any threats. Also, Hitesh, I'm sure you must have a cousin or a relation on both your wife's side and yours who is affectionate towards you and was not against your relationship? If that's the case, it would be wise to get in touch with them to find out just what your families have in mind. If you have a genuine bond with any family member, he/she is bound to let you know the truth about what is happening back home.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, people...tune in next week and till then, post your queries on the . Wish you a very Merry Christmas!