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'She's not marrying me because of status issues'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on November 11 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, people! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started, shall we? And please note, anyone causing disruptions or using abusive language in the chatroom will be barred!
urgent asked, Hi, I am 25 years old guy (Hindu) and my girl friend is 23 years old (Christian). My problem is my to-be mother in law is insisting me to convert from Hindu to Christian if I have to get married to my girl friend. Although at my place they have issue in conversion but I don't like this concept of conversion. I have decided that I should get married in either of ways: 1.Register marriage and a simple reception Or 2.Marry in both Hindu style and Christian style (without conversion) If I choose the first option, my marriage ceremony won't be colorful. If I have to choose the option two (marriage in both religion), what is the procedure. Can you help me in this? I don't want to hurt both the sides of families and the same time doesn't like to convert. So is there a way to marry in both the religion without conversion?
Love Guru answers, You have to register for marriage, no matter what ritual you follow. But what you can do is have a civil marriage and then organise any rituals you please. I agree that conversion should not be forced on you.
sandy asked, Hii Loveguru, I have been married for last three months. Mine was arranged marriage. After about one week of marriage, my wife;s behaviour is abusive and very violent. She gets angry at petty reasons and abuses my late parents, my relatives. I have tried talking to her, but to no avail. Please advise
Love Guru answers, Looks like you didn't know what you were getting into -- that is why even in an arranged marriage, you should take some time to get to know your partner before going ahead with the wedding. Try seeing a couples' counsellor since she obviously has anger management problems. And listen, it's a marriage at the end of the day, not a lifelong noose around your neck. If after some time you see no improvement, file for divorce.
raj asked, Does money makes u love? like a smart handsome loooking guy comes in a public bus and other guy comes in a bmw car. it is but obvious that the girl will go with the car guy what ever said and done. how to justify the same.
Love Guru answers, You can't justify it -- just as a guy will go for a hot girl in a great outfit rather than an average, drably dressed one who is intelligent. Money, looks, all these superficial things hardly matter, but almost all people see to them first. In the bargain, personality comes second and causes trouble later in the relationship. But not everyone is like that, Raj -- you can't generalise about either men or women.
war asked, Sir , I had big quarrel with my gf , as i feel very unsecuered when she talk with any other guy ... wht hd i do ... i feel very insecure ... i know i m wrong ...but how to come out of it ???
Love Guru answers, You know you're wrong. So as hard as it may be, you have to curb yourself. You're not at all confident of yourself and have trust issues as a result. It's really very simple -- she may talk to other guys and hang out with them. But who is she dating? You. Why? Nobody is forcing her to. And if she liked another guy why would she date you at all? She'd be dating him, wouldn't she? It's only because she loves you, not him that she is with you. And if you can understand that, there's no need to be insecure.
raj asked, LG dont just giv crap just bcos u hav been made the expert here. just tak ur b*** talks with u . b***s*** is what u talk abt , got that u a******
Love Guru answers, Who's the nutcase, the one giving advice or the one seeking advice from someone he thinks is a nutcase? Hahaha! What a loser you are! Now whether you like it or not, out you go! Goodbye!
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'A month before the wedding and we're fighting like mad'
taneja asked, Hi LG, I fall in love with girl in Delhi. our affairs goes to almost seven months. I want to marry her but now she is not interested with me in marriage due to status problem. I can't leave without her and she is not agree for marriage. Please tell How i convence her for marriage?please
Love Guru answers, She's more in love with her position in society than with you, so why are you even trying to change her mind? Even if you did manage to convince her, the first problem that came along after marriage and she would blame you for pressurising her to stay with you. And then she would walk out. So you may as well let her go and seek out someone who cares more for you than what other people think.
appu asked, i am 39 my cousin is 24 i am unmarried i am in love with her my cousins family is not interested due to age difference what to do please sdvice
Love Guru answers, You're nearly middle-aged and she's still very young. And you haven't mentioned whether she even returns your feelings -- for all you know, she may have told her family she's not interested in you. I'd suggest finding a more mature woman closer to your age, whose thoughts will match yours.
Rashmi asked, Am in love with a guy, we were in same city... now due to his work requirement he has gone to some other city. And he has suddenly got very busy. My prob is am loosing trust on him. Wat to do
Love Guru answers, This is the problem with most long-distance relationships. Tell him you're losing trust in him and if he'd rather end things he should just tell you instead of avoiding you. It could be that he genuinely is busy also? So unless there is a very valid reason for you not to trust him, I'd suggest not accusing him of anything. Long-distance relationships take lots of effort.
dil asked, hi i am in love with a one of my classmates.both are quite friends.she often needs me and likes me.but i am in love with her.i am not sure abt are.but i am really afraid to speak of my heart.love guru help..
Love Guru answers, Since you're such good friends, maybe you should tell her how you feel? Since you are too afraid to speak, don't -- write instead. Send her a letter or e-mail but make sure it gets to her and doesn't fall into someone else's hands!
ramesh asked, i was in love with a beautiful girl married now she soesnt even respond or take my calls
Love Guru answers, That's because she is married. Take the hint, Ramesh and move on. I'm sure you must be enduring a lot of heart-ache, but all of us have at some point in our lives.
indu asked, i'm getting married in a month but i have a lot disagreement and fights with my would be husband. should i be marrying with him. BTW its a love marriage.
Love Guru answers, Sometimes the build-up to the wedding is the time a couple argues and fights the most. In our country especially, a wedding is a big deal and the pressure of it all just gets to us -- minor differences of opinion like floral arrangements and menus can cause showdowns. People just lose their perspective. If that's what's happening, I'd suggest you both calm down and remember it's a time to enjoy yourselves, not to get at each other's throats over such small things. If it's basic compatibility issues you're fighting over on the other hand, then you do have a problem. If your thoughts and values don't match and neither of you wants to meet the other halfway, your marriage is not going to work.
'I found out she has bipolar disorder only after marriage'
Riya asked, hi, i m 17 years old and i have got into a relation with my cousin brother, we are in love with each other and have also being physical, we also plant to get married, but are afraid as how to convince family, they will never agree, pl guide.
Love Guru answers, You're too young to be making plans to settle down -- at this point in your life you should be studying, enjoying yourself with friends and shaping your future and career. You're not old enough to make such a big decision. The fact that he's your cousin only complicates the matter further and I noticed you haven't mentioned his age -- I hope he's not more than 3-4 years older. Don't even think of convincing your families right now, because they will definitely say no and justifiably so. Once you're both older, if you still feel the same way about each other, you can think of telling your family that you want to marry. Till then, live your life like a normal teen.
LoveDisk asked, Hi, LoveGuru. I love one girl since Year 2008, We meet in the same company in Year 2008, where we work together. Recently We just meet in online chat. As per my view, She loves me. But since last few days she never give me any reply from my offline message. But Sometime if she want she gave me reply in past. So, in this step what should i have to do next? Thank You.
Love Guru answers, Are you in touch regularly or did you just happen to meet her online after a long time? Because if she was interested in you, I think she'd have kept in touch throughout. Wait and see if she replies -- send her another message if you like but after that leave things alone. If she cares at all about you, she will get back to you.
AB asked, Hi, loveguru, I have been engaged for last 2 months, the problem with my fiancee is that, she refuses to meet often, telling the reasons of her elder family members, but she talk regularly on mobile. what should i do?
Love Guru answers, Maybe her family is posing a problem and doesn't want her meeting you alone, although that's a ridiculous mentality. Go over to their home to meet her -- I'm sure they won't have a problem with that.
urgent asked, Thank you for the prompt response. Yes! I will definitely register my marriage under civil marriage act. But I wish to marry in both the religions. I know that under Hindu law there is no compulsory conversion as it is left up to individuals to practice the religion while Christianity strictly follows conversion. So can you please guide me how to get married in both the religions without conversion???
Love Guru answers, As far as I know, one partner being Christian is enough to be able to have a Christian ceremony. And no, conversion is not necessary for it.
Gaba asked, Hi, I married 5 years back. My wife is suffering from Bipolar Disorder before marriage. Her parents didn't disclose this information. She is good natured but I am unable to cope with her disease. Its too tough for me to handle her disease through out my life time. What should I do?
Love Guru answers, That is tough. People with bipolar disorder can be treated though -- visit a psychiatrist with her and get a complete evaluation of her condition and what steps can be taken to ensure she has as normal a life as possible. If you love her, I think you should at least make an effort before giving up on your marriage. But if you can't, that's the only remaining option. Her parents were very wrong to hide it from you.
qw asked, Dude...I am gay and in Love with a guy. My parents are trying to fix my wedding. And my partner insists on running away(He is afraid to come out). What do you think is the best option?
Love Guru answers, Don't marry. Don't even consider it an option. If you want to come out to your parents and society, go for it, but you can't force your partner till he's ready to do the same. I can sympathise with his way of thinking -- he probably wants to move to where being gay will not be an issue for the two of you. But I think your parents should know the truth, so that they stop trying to convince you to marry.
'He says he'll marry me only if I make his family happy by following their traditions'
rushik asked, can i trust my gfrd who has taken money from me and making many bahanas to refund it and whats the solution i take the money back from her in which way?
Love Guru answers, If you were not comfortable loaning her the money you shouldn't have in the first place. Ask her why she needed it and when she intends to return it because you want it back as soon as possible. There are no 'ways' of getting it back besides keeping at her about it. At the most you can confront her parents if you think she's taking you for a ride.
shabana asked, i just broke my marraige proposal because of some traditional customs to be followed/not followed, but we both like each other, and the boy said i will marry if you make my family happy, what should i do
Love Guru answers, What traditions are these? They obviously aren't very small issues if your marriage was broken over them. First tell me what they are and then I can give you an answer. In any case, a man who says you have to make his family happy first seems like a mamma's boy who will always choose them over you.
nikhil asked, i need to know from you what qualifies you a love guru ? from what is well known u are eccentric loner and you also have been disaster in love
Love Guru answers, I want to know what qualifies you to write in English? From what is seen here, you are a disaster when it comes to grammar!
dillan asked, love guru my girlfriend has a sex fetish. we have been dating for 6 years. she has had physical relationship with over 30 people in this timeframe. she still tells me she loves me and others are just time pass. her mms with few guys showed up a while back. should i stick or leave
Love Guru answers, That depends on you. Are you comfortable with her promiscuity? If you're able to leave it in the past and trust her, good for you. I hope she's left those ways behind and turned over a new leaf. But promiscuity is one thing and being so careless as to shoot an MMS clip of sexual activities is quite another. Why did she allow it? Is she that indifferent to societal norms? If she's that obsessed with sex, I'd say she should see a counsellor.
shrabani asked, hi,LG, i am in a rel with a boy since 5 yrs. before sm day i met a guy nw i realise dt i m fall in love wd d guy.he is 22 n i m 25+. hw is it possible? i m feeling gulty. plz help me out?
Love Guru answers, Love and attraction may feel the same, but one wears off and the other endures. It's possible to meet other people you're attracted to while still in a relationship. The question is, do you want to risk what you've had all this time for a guy you've known only a few days? And are you still in love with your boyfriend, or has he become a habit after five years?
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, people! See you next week, same time, same place! Till then, post queries on the .