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'My live-in boyfriend is engaged to someone else. Help!'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on December 24 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey everyone! Let's get started with our chat, and here's hoping you all have a great festive season together with your loved ones!
sdfsdf asked, MINE AND GF BOTH ARE DEEP LOVE. SHE IS MODERN GIRL. SHE IS WORKING AS CHOREOGRAPHER. MYSELF IS SOFTWARE DEVELOPER. MY PARENTS ARE REJECTING MY LOVE. BECAUSE OF HER JOB IN FILMI BACKGROUND. SHE DO NOT WANT TO EXIT THAT JOB. WHAT WILL DO.
Love Guru answers, I don't think your parents are at all justified in trying to dictate your girlfriend's career choice! It's her choice and if they're too narrow-minded to accept it, that's their problem. It's a very snobbish attitude they have and you should try to get them to see sense.
deepak asked, mu girl friend is cheating with me. she is building her relation with some where else. she felt that i am not aware about it. one day i lost control and blasted her. i told her all the things which i came to know about her. now we have broken up. i do not want to lose her. wat to do?
Love Guru answers, Deepak, if she has not denied what you confronted her with, I'm guessing you should not try to make it work. If she's interested in someone else, why bother to make the effort? What's the guarantee that she won't leave you a year from now for someone else? I just hope that you knew for sure before you shouted at her. If she's innocent, you will have to apologise and ensure something like this does not repeat itself.
sholo asked, hi havin live-in relatonship, now my bf getting engaged with another girl, because we r not commited to each other, but now i don't like leaving him, i think i love him, i also told him, but its no from his side, as we both r working n same office its difficult to face him now. we are living separately now.
Love Guru answers, You made a big mistake living with this guy without any commitment from him. An open relationship is only for those who are sure they can handle it. He never made any promises to you, nor did he commit to you. And still you went ahead with it. If he is saying no, there's nothing to be done now. You can try one last time and explain that you were happy together and that you love him. But I doubt that will change his mind. In any case, this has been a learning experience for you. You've still got your whole life ahead of you, you'll meet someone else who will love you the same way you love him. So cheer up and let bygones be bygones!
Saahil asked, Hi LG, I was engaged a year back with a girl and due to initial misunderstanding we got seperated. After seperation I realised my love for her. After that I tried a lot to convince her but she never looked back n considered my love for her. Now I have lost all my feelings for girls. Now I am engaged with a girl coz of family pressure but I don't feel anything for her. But I don't want to repeat the thing again so I am trying my best to make the things normal but I am unable to convince myself. Please tell me what to do?
Love Guru answers, Just because one girl turned her back on you doesn't mean all girls are like that. There must be something in your fiance to have attracted you that you said yes to marry her. Stop trying to convince yourself of anything and just make an effort to get to know her, take her out to dinner, movies, have fun! You're about to get married, so make the most of it and look forward to it, instead of dwelling on one small incident which is now in the past. So leave it there -- forget about it.
red asked, is it possible to get back the person u love after breaking up ??
Love Guru answers, If the other person also loves you and you try really hard to make up for the past, yes, it can work again. But both have to be willing to forgive each other and get together again. Which is not always possible if one partner has moved on and is over it, or is dating someone else.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'My first love has cut me off, what can I do?'
shaila asked, I am writing on behalf of my friend. Her husband does not understand who she is. She is a matured lady and takes all responsibilites of house and children. Her husband has taken her for granted and never appreciates her good qualities instead he blames her for everything and finds fault in every deed. He also started complaining about her with everybody including his/her relatives. He is making friends with her enemies and this has created lot of problems to her and to the family as a whole. She is very upset and dispress. please advise whether it is good to live separately.
Love Guru answers, If her marriage is not working out then she will be happier leaving her husband and starting over. Either he changes his ways or she walks out on him. A partner who does every possible thing to make your life miserable is hardly worth a second thought.
last week asked, hey love guru, I like a girl, but she is always sick as her immune system is quite weak. I feel she cannot provide me a normal life...should I go ahead...I like her very much..and she is crazy for me..!!
Love Guru answers, If you already love someone, her immune system is hardly something worth considering, is it? If this was an arranged match I could understand your concern, but you already want this girl in your life. And if it's just general weakness she suffers from, the correct diet and health regime can fix that. I've also heard that yoga goes a long way in bulding resistance to ailments.
ab asked, Sir..I am in love with a girl ever since I was in 7th std now i am 24 years old; she just treats me as a friend. When ever i ask her to meet me..she avoids me & these days she's not even replying to my mails. She got a hint that i am in love with her as i used to message & mail her daily but she never replied. Is it ok for me to propose her on phone?? she's not willing to meet me.. I can never be happy if i lose my first love..Please guide me Sir
Love Guru answers, You need to give up on this first love of yours, because it's become an obsession with you. She is not interested, my friend -- take a hint. She doesn't respond to your mails or calls and she doesn't want to meet you. So why are you wasting your time? Most people have a 'first love' from back in school or since when they were young. But most people also realise these are childhood crushes -- puppy love and nothing more. And so should you. Let go of this 'first love' obsession and look elsewhere.
Hari asked, I had a friend... she tied a rakhi some years back.. she got a match suggested by her parents.. suddendly she stopped talking with me...?? I donno why???
Love Guru answers, Ask her why. I suspect, that she may have secretly had feelings for you and maybe the rakhi was a way of ensuring nobody got to know of her feelings. And that way, she could be close to you without raising eyebrows. But still, this is just a possibility, I could be wrong. You should ask her, though, why she has cut you off.
richa asked, hey i am married lady, by profession doctor, 32 yrs old married from last seven yrs and initial part of my marriage life was excellent but from last couple of yrs its terrible even me and my hubby mostly stay away from each other due to our professional lifes.
Love Guru answers, Well, you both need to maybe give some priority to your personal lives? If you're working through the year and raking in money it's all good, but who's enjoying your success? And on top of that, your marriage is suffering. Cut down on work hours by a little, take a vacation together, make a conscious effort.
'My GF had an affair and tried to kill herself'
subodh asked, i proposed a gal two years back but when i proposed her in the same time her parents were looking for groom, i proposed. she asked my date of birth but she found out she is two years elder to me even i didn't know then she said no to me, i accepted that went away from her life but still i love her a lot, i have one question love guru, love cannot be done on any assessment of age but it happens with pure feelings my feelings are still same for me but i don't know where is she now, i miss her a lot still i hope that one day she will come, i love her, love guru i am not psycho what should i do dont say move on to me, it is such a pathetic, i have no complaint her but i respect her and still love my beloved with pure feelings as she can only complete my circle of life, what should i do. regards vicky
Love Guru answers, Listen, Vicky. You have two choices here. One is, waste your whole life chasing an idea in your head -- that this girl will eventually come back to you one day. The other is to see the reality of the situation -- she was looking for an arranged match and just a 2-year gap was a big a deal for her. And while that may have been a real reason, it may also just have been an excuse to say no to you politely, without hurting your feelings. So what's it going to be, pal? You can pick one. But I can assure you that if you want a real shot at happiness, moving on is your only option. If you want closure, look her up. Find out where she is, what she's doing, approach her again and see what she says. Maybe if she says no again, it will finally dawn on you that you're building a fairytale in your head, instead of bringing a new, real romance into your life.
prateek asked, LOVE GURU.. I WAS IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS.. WE WERE HAPPY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.. BUT DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HER SHE GOT ATTRACTED TO HER BOSS... SHE GOT INTIMATE WITH HIM.. 3 TIMES... NOW SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF.. SHE CUT HER VEINS, N EAT SLEEPIN PILLS.. HER FAMILY IS UPSET.. I DONT TRUST HER NOW.. WHAT SHLD I DO?? PLZ HELP PLZZ....
Love Guru answers, Did she try to kill herself because you said no to her, or did she do that because of her boss? She needs counselling for sure -- a suicide bid is not something to be taken lightly. As for your relationship with her, if you don't want to continue with it, don't be emotionally blackmailed into it because of her actions. But if you still love her and want to make this work, you may consider forgiving her. Because it certainly looks like she's learned her lesson.
prateek asked, SHE IS CRYING FOR D LAST 4 DAYS... I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT SHLD I DO?? HER FAMILY IS SAYING THAT DONT LEAVE HER.. M VERY UPSET.. I'M NOT ABLE TO CONCENTRATE ON MY STUDIES.. PLZZ HELP...
Love Guru answers, Do what you feel like doing, what you want to do. With all due respect to her family, she cheated on you -- thrice. So as I said before, don't be pressured into anything -- either by them or her.
gaurav asked, my girlfriend after relation of 2.5 yrs left me because she was involve with an affair with another guy. was it right from her to leave me after passing 2.5 yrs and with dreams of spending life together and even most of family members were aware of it and even she was with me and wanted to spend life with me but in same duration she started liking a guy in her college and left me
Love Guru answers, I know you're hurt, but Gaurav, it sometimes happens that you fall for someone else when you're already in a relationship. And sometimes, just ignoring those feelings doesn't make them go away. What's the point if she stuck by you but really had feelings for that guy? Sometimes you can't help when and with whom you fall in love. I know that in all this you've become the victim, and that's unfortunate. But maybe for her to be with that guy is right for her. Look, relationships end all the time. You're still young, enjoy your life and start dating again when you're ready to.
suhascollhip asked, Hi Love Guru, Myself Suhas. my friend has crush with me but she hav bf. she ready left her bf for me. only she wann commitment from me. i dont wann commit. I just wann her for fun. i told her u can keep duel bf but she is not ready what can i do
Love Guru answers, Stop thinking of having fun at her expense. If you're not serious about her and don't have the same feelings as her, tell her the truth. Be a man, not a jerk who only thinks of gratifying himself at the cost of someone else's feelings. And you say she's your friend. So be a friend and do the right thing! Tell her you're only interested in 'having fun' and that you're not interested in her.
'He wants sex all the time'
Sonal asked, Hi my BF always ask for a sex. We love each other but, his attitude to have a regular sex makes me very irritated. I also like to have it but not often. How should I tell him???
Love Guru answers, How? "Darling, you're taking the fun out of sex by wanting it so often. It's becoming a habit and I'm not enjoying it anymore. Can we go out on a date, to dinner or a movie, like other couples, instead of spending all our time in bed together?" That's how!
Debasish asked, Hi I am Debasish I m 29 yrs. old and I am working in a Pvt. Co. Since last 3 years. I proposed a girl which name is Soma and she is also service. Several tiems I proposed and offered to marry me. But everytime she smile and replied negetive answer. But she doesn't angry. Plz help me. immidiately.
Love Guru answers, A no with a smile is still a no. She's probably being kind to you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But that doesn't mean you keep pestering her, or she will eventually tell you off.
GAME asked, hi, der is a girl, i like her, finally with in two months i proposed her, she refused that her parent was not happy with her sister because she is done a love marriage, she dont want to tell her parents because of that she dont want to get in to.........., so plz help me..........
Love Guru answers, So tell your parents to arrange the match for you with hers! I don't think she will have a problem with that!
singi asked, hi i am in love with one guy since from 2 yrs we were working together in the same company but now i came to know that he is divorced ,after knowing this i changed the company ,but still he follows me everyday,he says i will marry u,if u marry someone i will not live u alive what to do i am toooooooo confused
Love Guru answers, You love this guy or you're concerned about his death threats? Look, if he's divorced, I don't see the problem with that. So his marriage didn't work out, that doesn't make him a bad person. But his stalking you and giving you death threats are definitely a cause for concern! He seems to have issues, because this is not normal behaviour!
jani asked, if ur ex girl friend is coming regularly in ur dreams evenafter 12 year and she is no more in this is world,. what would be the reason.?
Love Guru answers, The reason could be that she's not part of this world, but she is part of your memories. When you sleep, the thoughts and memories buried deep in your subconscious come to the fore and that is probably why you dream of her.
goutam asked, so far i have gone through more than 5 to 10 gals in my life. those relnship started very nicely and broken off suddenly... finally now i want to be get settled..but only thru a love marrge... i know a girl since last 1 year, she knows me as well... i have heard that , she has a soft corner about me... i do also... but i fear.. not to repeat the same... this time... i have taken it now or never call for me..and my lovelife... professionally i am an mechnical enggg.. working in an mnc.. please advice...
Love Guru answers, Your relationships may not have worked out because I think you may have kept on jumping from one relationship to the next. You don't seem to be the type of person who enjoys the single life -- you always want a girlfriend on your arm. So if you broke up with one, you quickly found someone else. And before you knew it, you had 10 exes! So stop being in a rush to find 'the one'. Take things slowly and if you like this girl, pursue things -- the right way.
Love Guru says, That's it for today, people! Wish you a Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year! I will now see you in 2010!