Cheating: 'Evolution makes men do it!'

Kuber Sharma offers his opinion on scientific research that associates male cheating and adultery with genetics. Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

There are these people called evolutionary psychologists who have deciphered great excuses for male adulterers, I read this week.

Men can blame all the shenanigans on our genetic makeup. Apparently our brains are wired to procreate as much as we can. Hence we keep seeking out fertile young wombs. Remember ladies, it's for our species, not our penis.

Hence the technologically advanced Japanese men's interest in schoolgirls. Now we know why they live so long. Yes, scientists have connected cheating to longevity as well.

Ladies have it easy

Maybe that explains why the lives of Indian men are so troubled and so short. I might be off the mark but I feel that we desi boys are a faithful lot. But dear readers, you might point to the crumbling relationships around us. To solve that mystery I consulted the census data and found out that Indian women do live longer then Indian men.

Let's face it, our ladies have it easy. I meant easier. At least when it comes to adultery. Yes, the assorted social judgements will be harsher towards the female adulterer, but the opportunities are more abundant and, importantly, achievable. I am not saying that any woman can have any man she desires, but at least for an entry-level fling she has many more options.

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At an average party an average 'good looking' or just 'correctly dressed' woman will be the polarising centrepiece, while the cute boy will be admired from a distance. Only.

Don't just take my word for it. Women claim that men are scared of committing. I say that we're too scared of getting our hearts trampled later. Yes I speak from experience again. I've never had an 'official' girlfriend all my life because I wasn't strong enough to declare strong emotions for a woman in public. Better safe than sorry, as my nani still says.

Unfortunately some jobless researchers have an official 'evolutionary' excuse for women to cheat as well. Apparently women have deep-set desires to concentrate the economic resources of multiple partners. And they'll use sex to control the men and their wealth.

Now my feminist friends will beat me up for typing this, but that's the way science explains it. All men and all women and everyone in between will cheat. And we can safely blame it on our forefathers' lifestyles.

Still, it's the men who are held accountable. Yes, it takes two to cheat (though I know a cheater's menage a trois as well), but women are rarely held accountable. It's almost politically correct to blame and shame the man. In fact I am tired of nodding along to women friends' stories of how they were almost forced to cheat.

Some simplify the situation by claiming that men don't have more desires but more freedoms. But in a post-Sex And The City world, the women are less restricted. Or maybe the big difference is that men like to brag about much more than what they are actually doing, while the women are smart and silent.

The wisdom I've gained from countless consoling sessions is that most infidelities aren't actually connected to sex. Sex is just the venting volcano for deeper issues of control and emotions. And men are usually the victims here. More on that in later blogs.

I am not leading a witch hunt here. I am just trying to scrub the blemishes on my gender. As Pete Townshend sagely put it, people try to put us down just because we get around.