'My boyfriend's been laid off and vents his frustration on me'

Love Guru says, Hi there, folks! Welcome to the Love Guru chat. Lets get started, shall we?

Jayu asked, Hi Love Guru... I'm Jay here This girl is my best friend since childhood and She has proposed me yesterday... she wants to settle in Ahmadabad because she has good carrier and job in the city. And I have already moved to Mumbai and having great carrier prospect in Mumbai... And I have one girl friend who is working with me and we are planning to marry... I love both of them? One I know thoroughly being my "childhood friend" and other one is an excellent in the kind of work I do.... Whom should I marry?

Love Guru answers, Excellent in the kind of work you do is not a criterion for marriage. Who do you love more? Who do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with? Thats the girl you should marry.

Tabassum asked, How can i impressed my boy friend

Love Guru answers, Tabassum, you dont need to impress your boyfriend. If he is with you, it is because he loves you. There is no need to put on an act to get his attention.

juned asked, hi, before marry is it good for to talk by telephone

Love Guru answers, Talking on the telephone is not enough if you are planning on marrying the person at the other end! You need to meet the person, get to know him/ her well enough.

says asked, where is love guruji, r u there for giving ans. or just time pass n u will going//... just reply us

Love Guru answers, We have been experiencing a few technical problems with the chat -- nobody is here just for time pass, as you put it!

vr asked, hi, my bf of 3 years has been laid off and its been three months he has not been placed. Due to this he removes his frustration on me...i dont knw what is to be done now...should i leave him or how shd i handle him..pls help

Love Guru answers, Well, you can try to handle him -- why not tell him that while you sympathise with his situation, you are not his punching-bag and will not tolerate being treated like one? Thousands have been displaced by the recession, it will take awhile for everyone to get back on their feet. Till then, he has to maintain a positive, cheerful outlook or will wind up alone and miserable.

dsa asked, Hi, I am in relationship with this girl and we have a long distnace relationship going on for 3 years now. We are also planning to getting married by the next year. My only problem is that this girl is very outgoing as opposed to me. Also I am pretty unsure about her loyalty because she never even picks up the phone when she is with her friends. Sometimes I think that my suspisions are just a reflection of my guilt as I too am attracted to other girls (although I have strictly maintained every code of fidelity throughout). How can I get out of this situation. I want to be comfortable with her!

Love Guru answers, Well, one way of being comfortable with her is getting to know her friends, dont you think? Stop suspecting her of infidelity just because she is outgoing and you are not. Obviously an extrovert will have more friends than an introvert. As for not answering your calls, why dont you ask her why she doesnt when she is out with her friends?

says asked, HI LOVE GURU, THANX FOR COMMING, I M MARRIED, BUT I LOVE WITH MY COUSIN, SHE ALSO LOVE ME BEFORE MY MARRIGE N EVEN AFTER MY MARRIAGE, CAN I CONTINUE LOVE WITH MY COUSIN... JUST REPLY ME, WAITING FOR YOUR ANSWER, HAVE A NICE TIME...

Love Guru answers, Why did you get married if you were in love with someone else, even if that someone else is your cousin? Keeping on with the relationship may suit you and her just fine, but what about your wife? Is it fair to her? You are ruining her life through no fault of hers. What is she, a screen behind which you and your cousin can indulge in an affair? Call it off with your cousin immediately or then bring it out in the open and end your marriage. Stop thinking only of yourself.

(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)

Love Guru answers, Kuchh nahin. Usne shaadi ki hain, nahin karna chahiye tha, par usne ki. Usne ek decision liya hain, abhi usko voh decision ke hisaab se rehna chahiye.

lin asked, if some thing girl committed before marriage , does not fulfill her promise . what to do ? should i adjust or put my foot down? pls reply

Love Guru answers, You cannot put your foot down with anybody. You can remind her of her promise, but it is up to her to fulfill it. Even if she does not come through with it, you cannot hold a gun to her head about it, can you? If it is something unfair and unreasonable that you asked of her, adjust to it.

juned_80 asked, while on talking and meeting, if it is good then also in some point the relation destroy who will the responsible, better is what the parent desided is well and best there is no need to talk as per my knowledge. what do u say regarding this ? reply

Love Guru answers, Stop talking nonsense. Once you are an adult, do your parents continue to feed you by hand and carry you around? You have to decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Even if the partner is your parents choice, you still have to get to know him or her! If as per your knowledge there is no need to talk to the person also, then in my opinion you have no knowledge at all!

mazumder_33@rediffmail.com asked, As a young boy How Should i convey my fellings to girl?

Love Guru answers, Gently, without being overly dramatic and making ridiculous proclamations of love.

zA asked, i had sex wid my cousin now my cousin wants to marry..i luv sm other gal ..wat should i do

Love Guru answers, You took advantage of your cousin. And you are paying the price for it. Explain to her that you love someone else, so you are sorry that it wont work out between the two of you.

Ghochu asked, I used to love my sexual relationship with my ex-gf and not anymore, what to do? My ex-gf is now in touch with me.

Love Guru answers, I dont quite understand what your problem is? She is your ex-girlfriend, so where is there a compulsion to continue having sex with her after you have broken up? Unless you have framed your question wrongly and mean that you want to have sex with her even now. In that case, I think it would be a bad idea.

kiran asked, Hi Love Guru, I am in love with a girl from past 5 years. We both are settled, but the porblem is her parents are not even ready to meet me, its been 3 yrs we are waiting for their response. Should we go against them and get married? My parents are okey with this marriage.

Love Guru answers, Well, you can make one last try before you go ahead with the proceedings. Why not get your parents to talk to her family, although I am guessing you may have tried that already. If they still dont agree I dont see what other choice you have except to go ahead and get married anyway. How long will you wait for them to come to their senses?

says asked, OH, THANX A LOT FOR UR ANS. BUT WE NEVER DO ANY WRONG THINGS ( ME N MY COUSIN). BUT I DEFINATELY TRY TO FORGET THAT COUSIN, COZ I LOVE MY WIFE VERY MUCH N SHE ALSO LOVE ME. BUT I WANT TO KNOW CAN I CONTINUE PHONE RELATION OR CHAT RELATIONWITH MY COUSIN? PLEASE ANS ME THANKING YOU ...

Love Guru answers, Treat her like you would treat any other cousin of yours -- dont overdo it with the chatting and the phone. It is best to leave things in the past, where they belong.

Love Guru answers, Nobody knows what went wrong in their relationship, Sunehri. It just goes to show you that being rich and successful does not necessarily translate into a happy relationship. They must have had their private issues and could not work it out. Preity Zinta is a successful, wealthy actress in her own right.

vijay asked, I am working in a private firm I am married and the other girl who is also married is interested in me and since one we are looking at each other and both of us eager to talk to each but both of us scared kindly advise

Love Guru answers, You should be scared! Both of you are married and will be the victims of office gossip -- justifiably -- if you try to start up a relationship. Stop stirring up a hornets nest by showing interest in other married women. You are married yourself -- so lets leave it at that.

shailendra asked, I had a unproteced sex with girl .now my wife knows that how to face this situation .I have not gone home from last 8 days

Love Guru answers, Well, I dont need to tell you you are a jerk for cheating on your wife and a fool for not using protection. What if that girl gets pregnant? Or worse, she could have some STD and have passed it onto you. You will have to go home eventually and face your wife -- whether she wants to end your marriage or is willing to forgive you is up to her. There isnt much you can do in this situation.

gugu asked, hi there, i am a man just out of collage.. had a boyfriend for 6 years.. and now he got married behind my back.. and wants to continue with me for sex.. i am not keen and want to move on... but i like him .. he lives in the same complex and we happen to see each other almost everyday and he tryies to make me jealous by becoming cozy with his wife in front of me.. she is not aware of this whole history.. what do i do?

Love Guru answers, Move on. He didnt want to come out in the open about his sexual orientation and ditched you. Why would you want to be with someone who is ashamed to be seen with you in public? Dont give in to him -- he got married, that was his choice. But he has to stick by it now -- he cannot have his cake and eat it too. Dont worry, you will meet someone else who deserves you.

bp asked, hey love guru, my wife strictly is against sex. she says its bad for the kidneys. what do i do? i find her sister good, but one of her kidneys is already transplanted. please help out. thankssss

Love Guru answers, Your wife is talking rubbish -- absolute rubbish. Why not take her to a couples counsellor and a doctor so that you can get to the root of why she doesnt want to have sex with you. This is only a ridiculous excuse. And stop ogling at her sister, that is not the solution to your problem -- it will only make things worse!

fc asked, though my wife makes good dishes,but she always screams for silly matters and always says " you wont come up as you have ruined my life and i should not have married you and i had made a wrong choice"which will make me angry as a result our relationship is spoiled . hence i thinks that she does not love me . What is the solution

Love Guru answers, Cooking delicious food doesnt mean shes happy with you -- it just means she is a good cook. Talk to her and ask her why she says such things. If she says that she only screams because she is angry, you should explain that to say such things is inexcusable and will destroy your marriage. Bickering is one thing; telling your partner you regret your marriage is quite another.

madhu asked, Dear Sir,i m divorcee, i have one child, but i want ot marry our parents are agree,he is not diovrcee, he put the case in court for divorce. give me suggestion what i do bcs court will take time for case. but my parents dont give us so long time.

Love Guru answers, Madhu you need to consult a lawyer who can advise you how to speed up the divorce proceedings of your first marriage. If it takes time, well, you will just have to wait -- its not up to you, so tell your parents that they cant put their foot down in such matters. Its not up to you, it is up to the court to speed things up.

awsed asked, one of my friend is cheating his wife by sleeping around with other women , he has been ike this even when he was not married, we are thinking of telling his wife since it will be the right thing - pls advice

Love Guru answers, Well, you would have to prove it before she believes your word over her husbands. I can understand you guys are well-intentioned, but at the end of the day its between her and her husband. Maybe she does know about it -- women have strong instincts about such things -- but chooses to turn a blind eye to it? If you tell her you know it will be humiliating for her and will make her terribly unhappy. Why not talk to him first and try to make him see that he should be faithful to his wife?

Love Guru answers, You are bound to your husband by marriage. You made a vow of commitment to him. Honour it.

bakul asked, lg can i alteast get reply today or not my problem is when will i get married my dob is 22/11/72

Love Guru answers, How many times to tell you guys Im not an astrologer! Do you even read the answers I give people? When have I ever given people replies based on their date of birth or time of birth or sunsign?

ASHI asked, HI LOVE GURU, I AM 22 YRS AND I WAS IN LOVE EID MY COLLEAGUE. WE BOTH LOVED EACH OTHER A LOT. BUT 4 MONTHS B4 HE GOT MARRIED TO ANOTHER GIRL BECAUSE OF HIS PARENTS. BUT HE TOOK MY PERMISSION FOR THE MARRIAGE. WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER WANTS TO CONTINUE WITH OUR RELATION. WENEVER HAD SEX OR ANYTHNG OF THAT KIND. KYA HM AB BHI HAMESHA KI TARAH SATH REH SKTE HAI. DUNIYA KI NAZAR ME UNKI SHADI HO CHUKI HAI. BUT FOR ME HE JUST MY LOVE MY LIFE.

Love Guru answers, You were a fool to give him permission to marry. And I suspect that he would have gone ahead with it even if you had said no! Stop fooling yourself, girl -- he has a wife, a family and a mistress -- you! If you want a family and husband of your own, remember that this man will never be able to satisfy that desire. Get your head out of the clouds and see the situation for what it really is -- you are the other woman. Bow out gracefully and find someone who is willing to commit to you.

Imran asked, i am married & i am having loving married life with my wife... but my ex girlfriend want me to marry with her also, before my marriege when i was asked her, she refused to marry me. now she;s saying u also marry with me even if u married. please tell me what to do

Love Guru answers, In my opinion, marriage is for the monogamous. Would you be cool with your wife taking another husband and sharing his bed at night too? I dont think so. Your ex turned you down, your wife accepted you for who you are. Just because the ex changed her mind, you will betray your wife for her? Turn her down and cut her out of your life -- she is not your headache anymore. Be a faithful, loving husband to the one you married.

Anbuselvan asked, Hi love guru, I am in love with a girl who has got separated with her husband and she has a kid and she has also applied for divorce but the case is not closed as she has not got full legal divorce. She is also in deep love with me and i too love her and my parents came to know and they are totally against it. Please suggest how to proceed as i am totally helpless.

Love Guru answers, Wait till her divorce is finalised. Till then, lie low. Once it is over with, she is free to marry you whether her parents like it or not. After one unhappy marriage I would think that they would let their daughter find her own happiness.

ANKUSH asked, I AM ANKUS.HI LOVE GURU. I HAVE DOUBT THAT MY WIFE WAS MARRIED EARLIER. SHE AND HIS PARENTS CHEATED ME. SHE WAS WIDOW WHEN SHE GOT MARRIED WITH ME. BECAUSE HER YOUNGEST BOTHER GOT MARRIED AFTER TWO DAYS OF MINE WITHOUT TELLING ME.LATER HER PARENTS TOLD THAT YOU DOUBT IF WE CALL U ON MARRIAGE. EVEN THEY CALL THEIR OTHER DAUGHTERS HUSBAND. EVEN HER YOUNGER DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED BEFORE MY WIFE. I DON,T TRUST ON MY WIFE. AND HOW CAN ANYONE HIDE HER MARRIAGE AT TIME OF GETTING MARRIED SECOND TIME. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO?

Love Guru answers, Did she tell you she was a widow or you suspect that she was a widow? Or do you suspect that she got divorced and told you that she was a widow? Whatever the reason, I agree wholeheartedly that she should tell you whatever the issue is. Confront her about it and demand the truth. But I would also suggest that you make sure its not only your suspicious mind that is getting the better of you and that there is a genuine reason to doubt her. Also, after giving her a stern warning about trust and honesty in a relationship and teaching her a lesson, you should decide justly what to do. I dont think its something worth calling off your marriage over because at the end of the day, its in her past. A past you should have been aware of, no doubt, but still.

Love Guru says, Time up, people! See you next week, same time, same place. Til then, email me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com. Goodbye and God bless!