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Ravinder Singh: I shared my grief with others

Bestselling author Ravinder Singh played Love Guru to Rediff readers today 

In an hour-long chat, Singh took questions on matters of the heart.

Here is the transcript of the interaction:

Neetu Chaubey

Dear sir I wanted to tell u that i am dating with my boyfriend since last 2 years we both love each other a lot.

Lately I have been some doubt for him. Now he is not picking up my call like he was doing earlier.

We have started fighting on small-small things. I just wanted to confirm that is anyone comes in his life now? I am worried.

Ravinder Singh

Take a break. Don't constantly keep thinking about it.

Find out if u two miss each other.

Things change in relationships. Talk with each other and give each other the much needed space as well.

Twity

Never met him, but fell for him. It ws a matrimonial proposal.

Pata nahien kab pyaar hogaya.

It ws for 3 mnths though, it endd on 1st Jan'13,his parents disagree 4 kundli mismatch.

Pyaar to dono taraf se tha,bahut samjhaya ushe. he gt engaged in Dec'13,n am still waiting.

Waiting 4 a miracle. Wondering was it not LOVE

Ravinder Singh

They do. But you should not wait for it.

One miracle could be that you finally moved on and entered a happy life.

5 years from now when we chat next, who knows you may be in happy life. You will then call it a miracle.

Dinesh

So this girl and I have been dating for some 10 months now.

She doesn't want to talk about it to anyone though. I asked her what she would like me to do to make it official.

I hate hiding my relationships from people.

I asked her if she is ashamed of me.

She says she isn't.

Asked her why then?

No response. Should I break up or just respect her opinion. And for how long?

Ravinder Singh

Perhaps she is scared of her parents knowing about your relationship.

Win her trust and if you are at the right age of marriage and are matured enough to talk to each other's families, you must initiate a conversation.

Rashmi Shahu

Hehe… u came to my college. DTU. if u remember, how was the experience?

Ravinder Singh

Wonderful. Would love to come again

Rashmi Shahu

Thank u sir! :)

Rahul

How did you get over your first love?

Ravinder Singh

I actually wrote about it. I shared my grief with others.

I picked up writing and gave myself a goal to chase.

I was busy with this project for 1.5 years.

Rahim

I wanted to know what are your thoughts on one-night-stands?

Ravinder Singh

If two people are fine with it and have no issues, then it is a free country and this isn't illegal.

Max

My girlfriend pointed out to me that I don't have a lot of friends and that I should make some.

I don't feel the need.

She says I should get friends because I shouldn't feel alone if she breaks up with me. Is that a hint?

Ravinder Singh

I don't know if that is a hint or not. I haven't interacted with her.

However, one must have enough friends.

You see your better half and your friends can never replace each other, but friendship is a wonderful gift and one must cherish this.

John

I am addicted to porn. This is causing an issue between my future wife and me. How do I get rid of it (it's very difficult you know)

Ravinder Singh

No one is perfect. We all have some personal issues and problem.

May be you guys need to sit and talk over this shedding the inhibitions and bringing in rationales.

If it is a do and die situation, you must clarify things with utmost honesty. You don't want to hide things from each other after marriage.

Omi

So I remember this line from Finding Forrester. In which William Forrester tells his young friend that women will sleep with you if you write a book.Is it true? Has that happened to you :-)?

Ravinder Singh

No. I don't think that writing books has to do anything with that.

Jitesh

What is the best advice you've got about love?

Ravinder Singh

I never asked for any advice on this subject. It happened naturally to me.

Kapadia

This is not my real name. I *think* I am gay. How do I know for a fact?

Ravinder Singh

I may not have the right answer. But what makes you think that you are gay?

Karam singh

Ravin I read you all the books.

These are really touching specially love can happened twice.

In fact I wanted to know where is Simar

Ravinder Singh

Well honestly, I don't know where she is.

Sundaram

I have been trying to convince my girlfriend of two years to move in with me. We spend more money on living and maintaining our homes and less time together.

We're as good as married (you know what i mean) and I don't see why we shouldn't live together.

That way we can save up for our marriage.

But she doesn't get it. What do I tell her?

Ravinder Singh

Find out what bothers her. If you are as good as a married couple there is nothing that should stop you.

Certainly there are her inhibitions to commitment.

If you are in love, marriage is bliss.

Bhanu

So my girlfriend is a slob.

She keeps creating mess everywhere she goes. I am the exact opposite.

We've talked about it and she says she understands.

I *really* love her and frankly this is the only thing that's keeping me from asking her to marry me.

It'd be horrible to break up wouldn't it? But you also get my problem, right?

Ravinder Singh

Compliment her on things that she is good at.

Then come to this subject that bothers you.

Tell her that how much you love her.

Then tell her that if she can take care of certain things, how much you will appreciate that.

Bhanu

Ravin, not sure you read it.

We've spoken of it. Like four times.

Ravinder Singh

I have read it.

But I am saying perhaps the way, the timing needs attention.

There must be something that she wouldn't like about you.

Fix it and expect her to reciprocate with what you want.

Amol Chille

My wife slaps me in public. I don't like it and I have told her this several times.

She doesn't understand.

We've spoken several times.

What do I do?

Ravinder Singh

How do you allow that to happen?

If you haven't been able to convince her so far, lodge an FIR.

Anil

So this girl and I have been good friends for over three years now.

She talks to me about everything including her love life in time I have known her she's been with at least three (really horrible) guys.

She says I am the only real friend she's ever had.

Problem is, I *really* like her.

Should I ask her out?

Ravinder Singh

What do you mean you like her?

If you mean you love her, then propose her.

Shirish

So we have a situation.

She's pregnant and we aren't married.

What do we do?

Please advice

Ravinder Singh

This shouldn't have happened. But now that it has happened, get married.

Hope you guys love each other.

Karam Singh

You tell me Ravin can love happened twice

Ravinder Singh

Depends from person to person.

Sumeet Salgaonkar

Everyone says sex is overrated. Do you think so too?

Ravinder Singh

When we talk too much about it, we unintentionally land up overrating it.

We may be doing so right now as well :)

Haresh

How do you stop missing someone?

Ravinder Singh

You miss because you have the time to miss. Fill in this time by doing things that you like.

Venkatesh

My girlfriend of five years dumped me. I really need to get back. but I cannot. how do I get over her?

Ravinder Singh

Indulge in your hobbies.

Pick up new ones.

Pass on your time doing things you love.

Go out on vacation with good old friends.

Nitin Deshmukh

So I have a girlfriend who openly flirts with other men.

It bothers me. I've asked her why she does it but she hasn't given me a satisfactory answer.

Should I break up?

Ravinder Singh

What are you waiting for?

Jaykar Kajale

How do I score a date this valentines day? Please help

Ravinder Singh

This isn't a game, where in you need to score.

Don't push yourself.

Be natural and yourself.

Chandekar Muley

My girlfriend wants to have sex but I am not ready for it. What do I do?

Ravinder Singh

Explain her your rationale and listen to hers.

If the two of u love each other, you will come to an agreement.