"Merely because you two have been talking for two months doesn't mean you are in a relationship."
"Anyone would be concerned if a young girl were to go off to another town to meet a person she met on a social networking site."
"While you may harbour thoughts about the future, her caveat to you about rejoining her ex-boyfriend is to kind of warn you to not think too far into the future."
All this and more relationship advice in our weekly chat with the Love Guru. Read on...
In an online chat with readers on December 4, Rediff.com's Love Guru addressed matters of the heart and attempted to resolve some of the queries.
For those who missed the chat, here's the transcript:
Neetu Chaubey: Hi, Love guru. I am in a relation for three years but my boyfriend is from another caste, I know he loves me very much, but he is not of my caste and my parents are against him, I have tried a lot of times to convince my parents, but they are not ready to accept him....please help!!!
Love Guru: Neetu Chaubey, caste alas is a downer in so many cases. If you are dead sure your parents won't relent, and if you are very sure that you two cannot be separated, then there's little choice for you but do what you want to do
Omi: We've been talking for just over two months and we both know that we like each other but she keeps shying away and I think she's to afraid to tell her friends about us. Is that ok to tell friends about our relationship?
Love Guru: Omi, merely because you two have been talking for two months doesn't mean you are in a relationship, so wait till you actually get into one before telling friends, that can wait for now?
Hbk Arun: I've been in deep crush with my classmate,we've been good friends during college and I am sure she likes me too, always would smile for me but I never told her my feelings, now college is over she was not at talking only just ignoring me always, only sometimes just casual talks only n now I heard from my friend that she is engaged to some guy from her relative, tell me what to do.
Love Guru: hbk arun, tell you what to do? Nothing.
If she invites you to her wedding, which is doubtful, please attend it, and be graceful about it. If there was anything between you, it was entirely in your head, so the sooner you get over your misconceptions the better for you
Jayu: I'm 45 yrs unmarried girl... one 30 years old unmarried boy loves me.. he loves me .. I like his nature but I can't give any reply .. what can I do?
Love Guru: Jayu, if you can't give a reply to him, why bother about what you should do. It's a different thing if you are interested in him, in which case the age difference shouldn't matter.
Pradeep Singh: Yes another person involved. She did not tell me and I came to know from somebody whom I don't like.
Love Guru: Pradeep, instead of washing dirty personal linen here, why don't you two settle it offline?
Siddharth: Hi Love Guru, I am a married man aged 30. The issue I am facing is that my wife keeps on complaining about how I do not love her any more and that is taking its toll in our married life. Ours was a love marriage and now we have a kid.
Even in the intimate moments she would say something on these lines that how nothing will impact me as I do not love her anymore. plz help
Love Guru: Siddharth, I hope she is not right when she says you stopped loving her. But seriously, there's a reaction expected when women make such statements, which is for you to prove them wrong, not by getting into an argument or through words but through actions. I hope your actions speak louder than your words of protest.
Siddharth: Well the problem is if I try to do something for her. She would ruin that.
For example if I plan a surprise dinner for her and ask her to come, she would complain why you didn't tell me earlier, I cannot go to that place like this. So it's like she doesn't like surprises but complains that I am not romantic.
Love Guru: Siddharth, is there a deeper reason why she complains about everything you do? Is there something that she is keeping from you? Find out gently
Vidika: I have been dating a guy for 18 months, we have had a lovely time etc. He has never been big on affection but is good lover, I have been away for a week due to some office work. Now he is rejecting me. I asked him that is there any girl in your life now he said no.
I feel rejected and don't know what to do? He is not even answering my calls.
Love Guru: Vidika, that's a strange situation. You go away for a week and your boyfriend changes his mind, for no reason?
Obviously he is upset over something, but what it is, he doesn't want to disclose.
I am sure he will meet you for a coffee or something, when you can ask him. It is possible there's another person involved, but even then what you two shared certainly deserves closure.
Vidika: Thanks..!!
Clicks: Hello I am a married man....I am in relation with a married lady...she is now pregnant...we both want her to carry this pregnancy without letting others know about its reality....is it safe for our future??
Love Guru: If the risks involved in what you two are planning to do doesn't stare you in the face, what can I say!
Being involved despite the two of you being married to other people is one thing, to plan a child together is something else.
If you two have weighed the risks and still feel it is worth going ahead with, who am I to disagree!
Jaswanth Rai: Hi LG, I'm a 26 year old married (Love marriage and other caste) and have one year old kid.
My problem is my husband is not earning from the time we married. I'm doing private job and now facing financial problem. My husband is saying there is no good work and salary in Kanpur.What is the solution of my problem?
Love Guru: Jaswanth Rai, tough situation. Your husband had a job before marriage, when you were dating?
Do you feel your husband is lying about not being able to find a job?
Assuming he is not, you must be finding it tough to manage a job and a one-year old child, till he finds a job why don't you ask your husband to play the homemaker's role, so that it frees you up in the office?
Jaswanth Rai: Hi LG Thanx for the reply. Before marriage he ensure me about his business that will completely set soon after our marriage.
My husband is playing role of home maker this is the also excuse for him to not found or doing job. I am doing job but earning is average.
Love Guru: Jaswanth Rai, since you say he is reluctant to find a job, perhaps you could be on the lookout for a job that would suit his qualifications etc?
Sonal: How can I get my strict parents to agree to let me visit my boyfriend house who lives in MP?
I am from Mumbai. We start chatting from social networking site. Or how can I go there without them knowing to meet him.
He came here twice to meet me and now asking me to come there. How to handle this?
Love Guru: Sonal, it's nothing to do with 'strict' or 'chilled out' parents, anyone would be concerned if a young girl were to go off to another town to meet a person she met on a social networking site.
Don't you read the news, what happens to many young women who abandon caution and hook up with a stranger on social media? Please don't let go of basic precautions!
PRITHVIRAJ LAHA: hi I need gyan. I have no girl friend. Please suggest me to how to impress a girl.
Love Guru: Prithviraj Laha, it's not something that can be taught in a chatroom
Hiya: Hi Love Guru, I like a girl who is in my office. She is my best friend. And I think she likes me too. How to tell her? How do I approach her? Plz advise me.
Love Guru: Hiya, I presume you two are single? And since you say you two are best friends, it should be easy to broach the topic, I'd think. But before that, are you sure she is single?
Have you found out, for sure? I also feel, if she hasn't sent you any signals so far, despite being best friends with you and sensing how you feel about her, that she may not be romantically inclined towards you. But find out
Prakash: Hi LG, I dated with a my GF, She said that time I married with you, but her mom not allow to marry her an father allow then how to convince to her mom, and please tell me what can I do?
Love Guru: Prakash, the girl's father is okay with the marriage, not the mother? So why doesn't the father prevail upon his wife in the matter? What does the mother have against you, by the way?
If it's merely a matter of perception, that can be addressed by you. Why don't you find out why the mother hasn't taken kindly to you?
Abhishek Mohanty: Hi LG, there's this girl I really like and she also knows about my feelings.We used to talk for hours . So , yesterday I asked her out for a date. She said Yes and also that she and her ex are together again. I dont get it, she used to say how her BF was an ******** and all that. But why she said yes for a date if she is together with her ex? Is she playing me
Love Guru: Abhishek Mohanty, she's only said yes to go out with you on a date, not marry you, so why are you shocked? While you may harbour thoughts about the future, her caveat to you about rejoining her ex-boyfriend is to kind of warn you to not think too far into the future. She is sending you an indirect message, get it? Coffee is fine, but nothing beyond. At least not right away.
Have questions for Love Guru? Click here to post them and be sure to log in next Thursday between 3pm and 4 pm IST!
Also read
- 'My GF's crying habit really disturbs me'
- 'She ignores me and refuses to marry'
- 'How do I impress a woman'
- 'Help! I am afraid to approach the girl I like'
- 'She slams her window shut when she sees me!'
- 'I tried approaching her and she yelled at me'
- 'I love a married man, what do I do?'
- 'Do you want to be the other woman in his life?'
- 'My wife left me and she refuses to return'
- 'She refused me because I live in a joint family'
- 'Should I marry a wealthy NRI or college crush?'
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change)
